We have recently had our first child in (born in January) and my husband has always said he wanted our children close in age. He is wanting to start trying again by august so that would mean say 18mnths apart. For those that have had kids close together I'm wondering if u can give me some insigh to how it was?
Things I'm concerned about are
- being preg and over tired / sick and unable to fully enjoy and look after DS (he would still only be 10+months old)
- once bub was here I wouldn't have all my energy to look after and play with him
- just in general miss out on just him being by himself for a while longer and to really get to know him as he is growing and becoming his own little self?
I can see the advantages of having a playmate close to similar ages etc - I guess I'm just worried that early on each of them would get half of mum time when they are both so young and kind of still need full mom time?
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense of if it's silly but I'd love to hear how u girls deal with kiddies close together and both needing a lot of attention?
I have only got one so far, so I can't comment as far AA the practicalities go, but DD is such as easy baby these days that I think if I had another newborn here tomorrow I could cope. Sure, things wouldn't be simple, but DD doesn't demand near as much time as she used to.
I will have that age gap between DD and this baby. It certainly wasn't a planned gap, we were wanting 2-4 years. Can't comment on the two kids part yet, and a lot of people will be in to give positives (and there definitely are many!) but I thought I'd give what are big negatives, to me.
If you're planning on breastfeeding past conception, be prepared for your milk to all but dry up and for breastfeeding to become unbearable. Certainly doesn't happen to everyone, but it did to me.
Sleep. DD was the perfect sleeper for the first 6 months. Since then, she's been the worst. Very tiring getting up to a tired bub when you're wrecked yourself.
Morning sickness/exhaustion with a baby. It's very tiring and taxing looking after essentially a little baby, and also growing one. You can't just nap whenever, or eat whatever (bub might want some of those chips!) or think about only you this time. It's incredibly draining to almost have none of you for yourself (especially if breastfeeding).
Whichever way you dice it, you will be cutting your one on one time with your child short.
As I said, there are many positives, but there's always the other side. I wouldn't choose this age gap.
Go for it my two boys are 12 months 1 week apart and the oldest was only just 1 when his brother was born. he was to young to notice that something had changed. It was all kind of taken in his stride. True the first 4 months were a blur but fast forward and they do everything together now - share a room, meal times, bath time, play together/fight together!
Now #3 is on the way and I like to think how nice it will be in a couple of years when the early baby days are done & dusted...
I have 15 months inbetween my girls, it wasnt planned, but then none of my kids have been, so thats all sweet!
My first girl was such a good bub, would take 5min to breast feed, and she slept really well. I wasnt sick at all with either one, so that wasnt an issue. We owned our own landscape/nursery then, so I still worked 5 days a week, while preg and with bub, bit of a juggle, but you just do what you have to I guess. I would duck out into the office at about 2 for a quick nap before I had to pick up my eldest from school
I personally feel that twins would have been easier sometimes, when oldest is up walking, second bub still needs to be carried every where and the different stages of food was a bit of a juggle too.
Having said that though, it really isn't a long time to get through, and if you dont have to work, then it would be easier to stay at home and let things go however I guess!
They are really good friends now, totally different, but it is so lovely to see them play and care and scream at each other in the space of half an hour!!
I am fortunate - my pregnancies have always been pretty illness-free, so I didn't suffer overly from nausea. I did have two occasions where I was doing the night feed for DD and had to stop, put her back in the cot and run off to the loo for a quick chuck, poor little mite was looking very confused like 'Where did mummy go??'
Also on the breastfeeding thing, as PZ says it is very different for every woman but for me, I had no noticable drop in supply and DD kept breastfeeding right through til when she self-weaned at about 32wks pg, when she was about 14mths. Totally her choice. I also didn't really notice any aversion or anything. Bit of sensitivity in my nipples, that was about it.
As for #1 missing out - my DD was very independent from birth so it really wasn't an issue for us. And TBH, she was so little that she didn't even realise, as milka said, she just kind of took it in her stride.
There is no real jealousy between them over mummy and daddy time. From my observations, my friends with older kids have struggled more to entertain #1 child while breastfeeding a newborn for example, whereas DD was really coming into her own so would quite happily play while I fed. She doesn't know any different - DS has always been around, to the best of her knowledge!
And like milka - they are best friends now. Play together, bath together, eat together, hold hands in the car, it's gorgeous.
The things I struggled with were the early days - getting up to two kids at night, I made DH start to do a bit more at night time. He's a heavy sleeper so normally I'd not worry but I made him get up. Tantrums were bad - often DD having a tantie would set DS off crying and that got a bit much at times. Towards the end of my pregnancy I really felt the exhaustion - like PZ said you can't just sleep when you feel like, wake whenever you want in the morning. All of a sudden you need to get up when your toddler does and you MIGHT get to rest when/if they nap but if they aren't sleeping or if you need to get dinner or something, rest is out the window. It was VERY tiring. Add to that if you are breastfeeding while pregnant you'll be even more exhausting...
But in my mind, it's all worth it. They are, for the most part, lovely together now. So much that we wanted #3 to be a bit closer, but it wasn't meant to be.
Mine are 12 months 5 days apart and TBH I found pregnancy with DD2 hellish. I'm sick for 9 months so looking after a baby while being exhausted and sick was hard - nothing like facing pooey bums with morning sickness! I also had sick bubbas which made it very difficult to cope. So, the first 18 months were without doubt the hardest of my life and not fun at all - I struggle to find pleasant memories in there are all which really makes me very sad.
Now though I love the age gap, and have done for a good 18+ months. My girls are the very best of friends and have a fantastic relationship.
There are definitely pros and cons, as I'm sure there are with any age gap between siblings, and I imagine a lot of the pros/cons are governed by what sort of pregnancies you have, what sort of bubs you have etc. I'm looking forward to a larger gap this time around in that I'll have lots of lovely one on one time with my newborn, but feel a little sad that my third bub may not have as close a relationship with her big sisters due to the large gap.
i have 14 months between my boys, personally, despite DS1 being the easiest kid ever, i think its to close. DS1 is an awesome sleeper, and is great at entertaining himself, and is very independant and also great at communicating, but he also loves attention. dont get me wrong i LOVE LOVE LOVE DS2 more than anything but i wish we had waited a little longer. DS1 at 14 months didnt really understand why this little baby took up so much of our time and why he had to wait for things like us reading him a book or playing with him until DS2 had been settled. once he got to 18 months tho he seemed fine. he was old enough to be told to wait two minutes or shhh ect. having said all that, now DS2 is not far of 6 months and getting a little personality of his own i think all the hardship was worth it coz once hes up and running i just know they are going to be the best of friends. they have a bond thats unbelievable and it makes my heart mel just thinking about it. if i could do it over again i would wait til at least 18 months if not 2 years. but i would only do tat if i could have the exact same two children haha
I have 20 months between DS and DD1, and 14 months between DD's. So for a month and a half I had three under three.
The second pregnancy wasn't too bad. I get morning sickness until about 14-15 weeks (nasty nausea and dizziness, but no vomiting) which was difficult, but DS was pretty chilled in the mornings so I was able to rest on the couch while he either played with me or amused himself. The end of the pregnancy was more difficult because I got pretty nasty pelvic instability (and severely separated abdominal muscles) and things were rather painful. After DD was born I didn't find it difficult to cope with the two though. DS was still having two naps a day and DD was a great sleeper during the day so often they would be asleep together and I could catch up on rest.
My third pregnancy was definitely the most difficult. During the morning sickness stage I now had two kiddies to chase after and I also got a nasty case of tonsillitis to make things more fun. The middle stage of pregnancy was fine, but then I got pelvic instability again although it was not as bad as with DD1 as DD2 was breach for quite some time and sitting high which seemed to put less stress on my pelvis. DD1 was posterior which apparently makes pelvic instability pain worse.
I now have three littlies and at times it is definitely hard. The hardest moments are when more than one child wants/needs your attention. The kids love each other though and I have to protect the baby from the over-enthusiast kisses. Luckily DD2 is a great day sleeper like her sister, so for now a lot of the time she is sleeping while I'm playing with the other two. I figure things are going to get harder before they get easier because at some stage DD2 is going to start being awake for longer periods during the day.
So at the end of the day, whilst having three so young with small age gaps is definitely hard work, I still love the gaps and how close they will hopefully grow up
There is 17 months between DS1 and DS2, then 20 months between DS2 and DS3.
Personally for us it's fantastic! Specially when DS3 was born the older two happily played together whilst I was feeding or changing him. They always liked to be included to like passing up the burp cloth, passing wipes or nappies and generally asking questions.
DS2 is now taller than DS1 so I get oh are they twins ALOT! Pretty much each time we are at the shops their is atleast one person who will ask. DS2 and DS3 have talked early even DS3 walked before he was one he was so eager to get up and race about with the other two!
Of course one grows out of the terrible two stage another pops in though lol.
Older two share a room I think it's going to be harder to separate them in a new home eventually. The boys hate being apart which may be a downside when DS1 goes to school next year.
I spend one on one time with each of my boys DS1 loves learning and is doing excellent with learning to writing numbers and letters. DS2 loves pretend play at one stage he thought he was a robot so I always pressed his bellybutton ad he'll talk like a robot which made us giggle alot. DS3 is a night owl, so after the other are in bed he gets alone time with mummy and daddy. He is more clingy and still shares our room.
May be a busy household but I wouldn't change a thing.
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