DH thoughts on 2nd child

[sconeonamission]

I don't know where to put this, so please move it if it's in the wrong place.

While discussing our financial situation with DH in the car yesterday, we came to the decision that I may have to return to work earlier than July 21st '08. With the way things are, I can understand. But I'm having a hard time even thinking about putting DS (who turns 1 in Aug) into daycare. I had a hard time just moving him from our room to his room. Sometimes I just don't think that DH thinks. I did accuse him of not supporting my emotional state when discussing care. When we got home, I did get a hug and an appology. But that isn't all that upset me. Also in the discussion, I mentioned that with the 2nd baby that I wanted to stay at home longer than 12mths with both kids (I only want 2 kids... 3 would be nice but 2 is fine ) he has told me in no uncertain terms that "we can't afford this baby, we can't afford another one!"

This was only yesterday and I'm still reeling. Yes I know we're struggling. But I wanted a decent age gap between DS and the next baby (about2-3yrs), so I had a chance to save. I had a heap saved up for my maternity leave but DH needed to have surgery and my money had gone to that.

I know I can save a good chunk of money by then, but he just wont listen. Sometimes he "reminds" me that he didn't even want this baby - he was a surprise - but can't imagine life with out him.


Has anyone had a similar sort of situation and how did you deal with it?

[fionas]

Tricky one Rhianon. D'you think he's genuinely worried about the money or that's just an excuse because he doesn't want a second child?

If this is the first time you've discussed it, you could have just caught him offguard and he may have just seen a huge bill come in so that money was at the forefront of his mind.

I think you definitely need to talk more when you're both relaxed and have a bit of time up your sleeve. Maybe go out for dinner if possible.

If he really doesn't want another child, I think you need to listen to his reasons - neither of you is right or wrong but you need to resolve it one way or the other.

[tan32]

Ive been in this same situation.
I would love 4 children but DH has said no way, so we have settled on 3. He wasnt to keen for number 3 either, but we sat and talked about it for a long time, i guess because it takes me so long to conceive we didnt rush into any deicision, now with number 3 on the way and getting close he has become more involved, he still worries about money, he has always had plenty and now things are a bit tighter.
Being under financial pressure places loads of strain on a partnership.
There is no right or wrong in this choice it is something you both need to sit down and talk about, take all aspects into account before any decision is made.
Maybe leave the decision till you are back at work and the financial burden is better.

[Nai]

We have had this issue for the last year so I can totally empathise with you!! I have finally convinced DP to try for #2 although he is still not happy about it.... I have to run but will fill you in when I get more time.

[Chocaholic]

We are the opposite. I want 2 children and Ian wants 3. I am concerned about the financial aspect but Ian thinks we can handle the addition to the family. He is a person who budgets and researches everything til it squeaks so if he believes we can then I believe him.

We are due to have out second baby in August and I am thinking about a third as I will need to seriously consider whether it suits me as well as the family. Even if we do have 3, there will be a minimum of about 2 years between number 2 and 3 so we will have a chance to save (hopefully!). I am a SAHM this year and will look at going back to work next year once bubs is at least 4 months.

[BeautifulMadness]

tough one. gosh i dont know. Me and my Dh have just recently discuessed trying for our 2nd and personally im packing myself. After what i went through with ashley it scares me. Hubby has a good job now but yeah im of no help lol