So, I'm in a bit of a tizzy and have been for some time.
I have a lot of people in my life... Friends in various different forms, but I just don't feel like I have a very close, or best friendship. I'm sure I'm not alone here, but I'm just not dealing with it at the moment.
I don't have anyone I can talk to about "things" and I don't know if I have anyone I could lean on if I needed it. My closest friend has moved a couple of thousand km's away and that leaves me pretty lonely.
My husband and I are the only ones in our social circle without children, and although we desperately want kids, we've never resented our friends or had a hard time around them. Have they moves on to other people who share the common bond of children?
My next question is how do you make more friends? I mean close ones?
To make matters worse, I work FIFO, so I'm nowhere near home for half of my life.
We are similar, although we do have children. After moving interstate recently we were left with not many close friends if any at all. We joined a FB for social get togethers maybe you could start a page or join one for your local area, we don't go to every meet but we have met a few people this way, I wouldn't say we have close friends yet but a few friends we see outside of gatherings now aswell.
TBH, I suspect it's the FIFO that's the problem here. I've noticed that a lot of friendships are really based on lifestyle convenience & how much time people spend with each other. So when there is a group of people who enjoy doing similar things & have plenty of leisure time that lines up at the same times, that tends to mean those friends end up in the inner circle. Big Brother proves this: they get a random group of very different people & stick them together with unlimited leisure time - and it takes all of a week for really strong bonds to form.
Having said all that, we've moved a lot due to DH's work & him being away a lot limits my social life (at some times more than others). So I don't have a bestie nearby either. All I can do is invest regular time & effort staying connected to those people who do matter, and be open to new opportunities to socialize. Sometimes that means getting out of your comfort zone & going somewhere or trying something new. You are never going to know whether one of those new friendships are going to grow into something more until you try it.
I remember reading that the key factors to forming friendships were proximity, repeated, unplanned interactions and a setting that encourages people to confide in each other. So I would say fifo would make it more difficult, but not impossible if you made it your mission to utilize the time you're here, maybe? Set up coffee dates, drinks, things like that, and maybe check in via text while you're away to keep the connection open. That is if there's someone you think you might like to become friends with, or someone you would like to be closer to.
Not sure if this helps. It can be hard when you crave that deep connection, I know. Hugs
Sorry I've been awol from this thread for a few days, but thankyou very much for your responses ladies!
It gets really hard. There are lots of wonderful people around me, but I suppose I don't really know how to broker that close friendship with them. I have a good friend when I'm away at work, but he's a guy, and although I think he's great, I don't feel comfortable (or right) about having my close male friend while I'm away. Not that there is anything untoward, it's just not the right thing for me.
Kimmi - I totally get you. When DH and I both worked, we were each a good hour or more from home, so didn't meet anyone in our local area and hence had no friendships. Our closest friends were work colleagues, as we saw them every day, but it was hard to strengthen those friendships as we weren't nearby on weekends, and doing after work stuff meant really late nights. We were friends with our neighbours too, but not besties or anything. When I had DS and stopped working full time, I found making friends easier as I was out with him (mothers group, parenting class, playgroup etc). Having said that, a baby/toddler does limit your ability to interact as an adult!
I'd suggest going to a regular class, group or activity (sport, exercise, craft, hobby, theatre, singing or whatever takes your fancy) while you're at home. You can then suggest a coffee before/after and go from there. Make sure you keep in touch while you're away too
Take up Arimeh's offer too - one of the best friendships I've made as an adult is a lovely lady I met on BB even though we're on the opposite sides of the country, we stay in touch.
Friendships, or lack there of...
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