older sibling raising younger sibling

[danielle1985]

Hi everyone!
Hopefully someone can help me out, I'm looking for a forum for older siblings raising younger siblings. Even just stories/experiences of others would be good, with comments on what was good/bad, and what they wish had been done different from the start.

Due to a neglectful mother, one of my brothers will be living with me, and one of my brothers will be living with my dad. Unfortunately they cant stay together - we dont have the room or money to raise them both, and dad's in the same situation.

I'm 23, the brother that will live with me is 16, and the other one is 14. Our mum has been increasingly neglectful to them for the past year, and as such the 16 year old has a few 'issues'. He's a good kid, he just needs to be taught how to do basic things, like washing, dishes, homework....

So anyway, I really need ideas on ground rules, and ways to parent a troubled child - he already see's me as a parent figure (I've always been the one to do the parent stuff when I lived in the family home), so thats not an issue, its just that I dont want to start out too strict or too easy on him. He needs a stable family home, and I plan on providing that for him, I just wish I could find somewhere to talk to others in this situation!

Thanks in advance to anyone that has suggestions!
Dani

[youngmumof3]

i dont have any advice just wanted to say what a great big sister he has and i hope he has a better life now that he is living with you

[Lulu]

Head on down to the Older Children/Teenagers thread for some hints and tips if you like.

Do you have any other support? Local council can be a good place to start. Speak to your brothers school and let them know the situation, they may be able to refer you to some sort of program for teens. Your brothers may have some issues with mum letting them down, and it will be hard enough for you to deal with that as well as getting them to do homework and go to school.
A family counsellor would be valuable to help you set ground rules, boundaries and expectations for everyone.

I'm not sure if you will find a forum with this situation as it is a little rare (good on you), but if you are taking on a guardian role, the issues would be much the same.

xoxoxxo Good luck!

[Chocaholic]

Agree with the ladies above. I would also have a 'family meeting' and discuss expectations in the house i.e. keeping room clean etc. Talk about punishments and what he thinks is fair for what situation. He is almost an adult and needs to be treated as such BUT he also needs to understand that he needs to abide by your rules. Communication is the key to this working well.

Good luck. I wish everyone could have such a wonderful sister like you.

[Amity]

You may also be able to get some help (counselling etc) from your Department of Community Services. Believe it or not, they are actually there to help and support families (including family placements like yours). Best wishes.