how do you/did you encourage your child's social skills

[skeetaboat]

My 2.5 year old is kind of shy. He puts on a great show and really comes out of his shell with those he's comfortable with (me, his dad, grandparents..), but is very shy around people he doesn't know, particularly adults. He talks nonstop at home but will barely say basics like hello & goodbye or make eye contact with other adults, even his daycarer (he's been going there for the last 8 months) and his aunty (regularly goes there to play with his cousins & occasionally sleeps over).

I really want to help him develop good social skills. I was shy and awkward as a child and really suffered because of it, and want to help him avoid that. (I'm much better now, although not exactly a social butterfly and don't always fully feel comfortable with people, I can easily speak to people and make new friends.)

So.. looking for suggestions to help him learn how to get over the fear (or whatever it is..) that makes him shrink around others. Would also love to hear from you if you had a similar toddler who went on to overcome their shyness.. how did you help them learn social skills? when did things change? what would you recommend?

I know it's fairly normal for toddlers to be shy.. just want to help him get past it so it doesn't affect his social development & self esteem.

The things I've started doing are:

* modelling talking to others (eg at day care pick-up/drop off I talk to the other kids & ask them about their day, take an interest in them, say hello & goodbye to each
* encouraging him (but not forcing him) to say hello & goodbye as we come & leave
* making an effort to talk to people in front of him (eg checkout lady @ supermarket)

What else do you suggest?

TIA

[mrsmac]

I am not sure where you are but I know Macquarie Uni in Sydney runs special groups for nervous/shy kids. I am sure a lot of other universities would too.
I think you are doing the right things atm, are you encouraging him to make eye contact with people too?
Some people are naturally shy I have a little boy in my class (kindergarten) who even after a year will not speak to me in front of his mum but will chat away to me happily in class!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My DS is a social butterfly and like this!

I chat to DS's friends at Nursery, we chat to people we know at the shops (DS won't talk to them at the shops though, only the "normal" place), the local bin-men know DS adores them so beep their horn and wave (DS has only been brave enough to wave back on his own once!). The girls at the checkout all talk to DS and admire him, he won't say a word. (Getting him to shut up normally is a challenge, but he'll do it for other people LOL.)

It's very normal for a toddler. Shyness is less common when it's with friends in a known environment. Does he talk to other adults when you're not around? Because it could be that he knows you will talk "for" him. Tell him that if his daycare lady asks how he is, he is to respond to that. DS doesn't talk to his carers until I've left most mornings. And he loves them and chats to them all the rest of the day. He won't talk to his aunt, still (my SiL). He'll talk to my sister, but not SiL. BUT that's more to do with not recognising her. He doesn't do much with cousins either. He does like BiL, but I'm guessing that's because he loves his dad.

I'd say that shyness is a temprement. You can model what to do, but a genuinely shy person still won't do it. Don't worry - shyness doesn't scar someone for life.

Good luck getting your toddler to talk to people... if you figure it out, will you please share?

[shellbell3]

DD1 who is 3 was quite shy, prolly the second half of this year she has become more confident and out of her shell.

What is he like with other kids, cause what I realised is DD is very shy around adults until she starts to get to know them but thats normal, its an inbuilt thing to protect them from strangers etc. Around other kids she is fine, she will go to the park and just start running around chatting to other kids.

[skeetaboat]

Mrsmac - good point, I'll make sure I teach him about eye contact.

Zadie - If i figure it out I'll let you know! I know shyness doesn't scar for life, but it sure can be a hinderence. Of course I'll love and accept him whether he's shy or outgoing, but I want to equip him for the world as best I can, for his own sake. It's good to hear that your DS wont talk to his carer in front of you, my DS does that too - just looks at the floor as soon as I arrive. It really worried me, and I nearly pulled him out because of it - but he seemed to enjoy going so I kept him in.

Shellbell - great to hear that your LO has come out of her shell a bit. I was hoping to hear some experiences like this. DS is pretty good around other kids. He sometimes sits on the outskirts when he doesn't know the other kids or they're particularly loud and/or boisterous, but usually he'll warm up pretty quickly and get involved. So yes, he's definitely not as shy with kids as he is with adults, but he still has some hesitation. I've been taking him swimming and whenever his teacher tries to talk to him he refuses to look at her and turns away!! Not really sure how to help him with that??

Thanks for your responses. Looking forward to hearing other people's experiences too.. especially anyone with older kids.