Is going to a retirement/nursing home next week. eta - he is going for respite to see how he likes it
I don't want him to go, I'm not ready and either is he. Well he is a bit ready but the thought is stressing him out so much and making him more forgetful.
There is so much to do, I'm so tired and can't even process this. Anyway, I just miss him. I never get a chance to see him anymore and have a laugh and pick on people walking past us.
I miss working with him and him begrudging my ability to pick a spaz by their handwriting NOT the complex psych reports we were analysing, I miss him calling me F face when he can't remember which daughter he is talking to (there are 4 of us) and I miss how he used to call the distillery of whatever whiskey he was drinking to congratulate them on their produce.
I'm glad I have my sisters - one is madly running around looking at other places for dad to stay in case he doesn't like it and the other is liaising with the dr and making sure he is eating.
I truly hope the respite care will help him lift the depression and perk him up a bit but I'm also worried he will miss his stuff - his books and artwork, his trinkets and his stupid feral cat.
I'm worried the staff will talk to him in that sing-song perky voice and treat him like he is stupid. I'm not sure he has the strength to tell them to rack off. I want them to treat him like fricken ROYALTY.
I don't want to think about it anymore.
Last edited by Lulu; November 17th, 2010 at 08:18 PM.
Lu.. Its a hard decision that you've made. And a sucky one. I worked in a nursing home for over 4 years and I won't say anything unless you want to know. So if you have questions you want answered honestly I am happy to do so. My MIL has come to me a few times and talked to me about Retirement / nursing homes for her dad because she knows that I won't sugar coat it and tell it exactly how it is. Which alot of staff and management etc obviously won't tell you kwim. But yeah, Im here .. ask away.
Oh Lulu I get tears in my eyes just reading that...
It's one of the hardest things to see and do I think this bit is REALLY hard... I actually think I did a lot of preemptive grieving when at a point like you are at now. But in the medium term, if he finds the place*ok* and has more people around and less general stress/discomfort in his day to day life, it might be ok for him and he might smile. And you can always go see him. You still have him and he still has you. My experience was that nothing could actually change the person as I knew them or the place they would always hold in my heart, it's just about getting old. Sad but inevitable.
lots of to you
Thinking of your dad, hope he settles in well & the staff treat him with respect. I've been a nurse for 11 years so I understand what you're going through.
Lulu, what a difficult change for your dad. Is he able to take some trinkets etc to try and make the room 'his'? I hope he is ok in there and the facility and staff are decent. (((HUGS)))
My dad
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I think this bit is REALLY hard... I actually think I did a lot of preemptive grieving when at a point like you are at now. But in the medium term, if he finds the place*ok* and has more people around and less general stress/discomfort in his day to day life, it might be ok for him and he might smile. And you can always go see him. You still have him and he still has you. My experience was that nothing could actually change the person as I knew them or the place they would always hold in my heart, it's just about getting old. Sad but inevitable.
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