A situation came up today that has never happened before and i'm not sure how to deal with it.
DS is 7 and has been getting $5 a week pocket money since his birthday (Jan) he has been really good with it and hasen't always spent it immediatly. DD is 5 and does not get pocket money but will when she's 7.
Today, we were walking past EB games and DS asked me if he could buy a new DS game with his saved pocket money of $40. We have never told DS what to do with his money, only guide him so I said if he could find a pre-owned one that he really wants then he could have it. Anyhoo, when we were in there DD got upset because she wasn't getting anything, I told her that Paul was buying it with his own money but she couldn't understand why she doesn't get any money.
In the end I took her to the shop next door and bought her a little something but I don't want this to always happen.
Has this situation happened to anyone else? What should I do to stop her feeling left out or how do I make her understand that she will be able to buy her own things when she is old enough?
OK,this is hypothetical for me, but remembering that my littlesister could demand things because I had them and ended up with over and above what I had (at the time, let alone at her age) here is a suggestion.
What does your DS do to earn his pocket money? Point out to your DD that your DS washes up or cleans his room, that means he earns pocket money - if she were to do this then she would earn some. Point out that she's too young for some of the jobs DS does. If she doesn't want to earn her pocket money yet then that's OK, but don't keep buying her toys from your money when your DS has to save up! Even if it means a tantrum. I know that's waaaay easier said than done but either buy a toy that everyone can share or buy all the children a toy otherwise it's not fair.
I agree with Rosehip, but going to try to flip the question around a bit a be a devil's advocate (but in a nice way)...
If your DS didn't get pocket money until he was 7, I assume that prior to that, if he wanted a toy it was bought for him on a case by case basis but without the requirement to do anything in particular. Now that he's 7 he's learning that money doesn't grow on trees & toys don't just magically appear, which is a very valuable lesson for him to learn. BUT - if your DS didn't have to worry about these things until he was 7, extending the same benefits to your DD is maybe only fair. Once she reaches 7, then the same rules that DS has will apply to her as well.
So maybe it's a 2-way explanation - to DS as to why DD still gets things for free (she's not 7), and to DD that as DS is now earning money, he gets to spend it as he likes (because he does jobs to earn it). Maybe, if you're feeling crafty , you could draw up a little chart that show's DS's jobs, with a marker beside each one as they get done, so that DD can see the list & it might help her to understand more. It might even encourage her to get "her" list of jobs earlier so that she can earn money too.
With my older three, they all have to do jobs about the place to earn their pocket money ($1 for each year they are, so DS gets $7, DD gets $5 and DD2 gets $4) but if they don't do their jobs they don't get it, simple as that. Like yesterday was pocket money day and DS had saved his over a few weeks too and had $15 (if he does a few extra things he gets a little bit extra too) and they girls hadn't earnt any because their only job is to clean their room and keep it that way and hadn't done it. Yep you get tantrums, but I think it is very important for them to learn that you don't just get given money - you have to earn it, as I think it is a huge problem these days with the younger people that they ask for and get whatever they want without having to earn it. I hope it teaches them a valuable lesson for later in life because nothing in this world is for free - you want it you have to earn it.
But it does get harder when you have older children and younger siblings see them getting things. I think at her age she will be more than able to understand the concept of *working* for her pocket money, so maybe you can start with very simple tasks for her and give her $2 a week or something.
Great ideas guys, thanks. Wow, I can see both points of view. I'm a little ashamed to say that DS doesn't really do jobs for his money he does however have to do what he's told "the first time" and behave, not be rude etc if any of these things aren't done he doesn't get pocket money.
To be honest it's more of DHs thing (and he's away fishing this weekend ). I didn't expect any of them to get pocket money till they were 13 (I didn't) but he wanted him to...
Maybe i'll lay down the same rules for DD only she'll get less than DS, say $2 a week instead. The thing is I expect them to do those things above anyway, not for money.
Jeesh it's tough this parenting thing!
ETA snap Trillian!
Last edited by C~Q; August 16th, 2008 at 05:10 PM.
LOL, it is isn't it? Don't worry about how much they are doing, it's the sense of accomplishment you are teaching them too, so when they are a lot older and are doing real jobs about the house, they are used to it and can also see that work gets rewarded kwim?
An interesting problem
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he does however have to do what he's told "the first time" and behave, not be rude etc if any of these things aren't done he doesn't get pocket money.
). I didn't expect any of them to get pocket money till they were 13 (I didn't) but he wanted him to...
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