To three, or not to three?

[OceanPrincess]

That is the question...

DH has his heart set on three kids. I am not so sure. I can see myself being pg again, but I am struggling to understand how I will cope with three kidlets.

DD was hard work sleep wise, that passed, then she was hard work behaviourally, that passed, now she's waking up every hour overnight again

DS was hard work sleep wise, that is starting to pass but he is now taking over as the hard work behaviourally one!! Argh!

How will another fit into this chaos?

How did you decide? I know it has been asked before but I want some fresh perspectives...

[Just Me]

It was our fourth we were unsure of and in the end, nature took over and the decision was made for us

I think I have learned that you just learn to manage the kids you have. If you have another one, you find the strength to keep going and it is totally worth it!

I also found as my kids get older, they get easier. They play together and keep each other entertained.

My biggest fear about having another baby was starting all over again - I didn't want to go back and do the whole pregnancy and newborn thing again, but I feel like I actually know what I am doing now and I am enjoying it (which surprised me).

My DD1 was a terrible sleeper and I often wondered why I ever thought I wanted kids in those early days. I have surprised myself though that I have strategies to deal with all of that now and I feel capable because I know which things I can try. Nothing works perfectly every time, but at least I have things I can try so having more babies was easier in that way too.

We wanted four kids. Not really four babies but four kids. As much as it was a surprise when I got my BFP with DS2, I think we would have had four anyway. I thought about whether I would be disappointed in 5 years from now if I didn't have another one and I really think I would have been. Having the other 3 so close together, I didn't want a huge gap before the fourth so we were in the process of deciding when I got pregnant, but I think it was the conclusion we were coming to anyway.

Good luck with your decision. It isn't an easy one

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun it really is a tough decision, we have decided 2 is enough.
As much as we love our girls and i could quite easily deal with being PG again we have decided 2 is a great number.
Our reasons:

1. DP works hard and alot to keep us afloat, we would survive if we had another baby but we don't want to 'survive' at some stage we want to get even or ahead and be able to provide as much as we can for the 2 children we have - in that i don't mean give them everything they want but provide them a roof over their head, safe cars to drive in, nice clothes, trips away.

2. I want to go back to work, DP doesn't want me back at work until the girls are in school - if we had another it would mean longer for me to wait and again $$ would be an issue.

In my mind i am happy with our decision, we get asked if we want a boy and i would love to say YES, we would like a boy but both of our girls are happy and healthy and act like boys anyway.. so theres no need for a boy. IYKWIM.

It's such a personal choice hun, some are happy with 2 others are happy with 10.

[Beach Mama]

Interested to read thoughts because although I vowed my uterus was put away for good, I still look at my 2 and how they love each other and how much fun they would have with another sibling. I look at the fact that the baby stage is hard, toddlers are harder IMO but siblings are for life, and I look at 5,10,15 years time for them and what it would mean. Can you tell I am torn, and we aren't using contraception other than withdrawal (which has worked perfectly well for us thank you very much until we decide to "see what happens" but not getting Implanon etc is telling for me!

Good luck hun - it is a tricky one, and as for how do you cope- I wondered how I would ever cope with 2 so young, but yannow - you just do it don't you so I think you would be fine!

[nickle730]

I'm LOVING having three. My other two are at school, so in some ways Miss P is like having my first all over again, except I'm so relaxed. School holidays are busy!

[Mildez]

I am also loving 3 but 4, 5 or 6 would be better

[OceanPrincess]

I am also loving 3 but 4, 5 or 6 would be better

Mad woman! Mad!!!

Tan - we aren't using anything either and it's even more risky for me because I haven't had AF yet so I could O without realizing...

I love the statement "siblings are for life". So true.

Agh, decisions decisions!

[~Hestia~]

I think it's such a tough decision. I always wanted three kids, it's only now that I'm pregnant with our 2nd child that I feel like two is enough. Adding a third child would mean moving from where we are and neither of us is willing to do that after all the work we've put into our house. We have plans to travel the country and want to be out of the baby stage before we embark on a trip like that so again a third child would push that dream further away.

To others these reasons may not be 'good enough' but it means a lot to us. I feel really positive about coming to terms with only having two children. It's something I thought I'd struggle with. Good luck!

[Arimeh]

I definitely didn't regret having #3, or #4 for that matter!!! It is hectic and chaos most of the time, but when they all play together (nicely, without fighting!) it warms my heart, it really does. Plus, they have a lot of love for each other and quite often will go and cuddle one another, just because they feel like it. DD2 is getting to an age (19 months) where she plays pretty good with the others, they love running around in a circle with music playing - they chase each other and are all in compete hysterics, its so funny.

Of course they fight, and whinge and complain - but they are fun most of the time.

I have to say though, that I can't wait till they are "kids" instead of baby, two toddlers and a pre-schooler. You can do SOOO many more fun things when kids are older than when they are babies!!! So I can't wait till that day

And I'm glad I had mine close together - because when DS starts school next year, I won't be waking any "baby" up in the morning to walk him to school because she will most likely be on one day nap in the middle of the day so I won't be disturbing her sleep. If I had waited until the kids were older, then I would have to disturb her routine and I hate disturbing sleeps cos it leads to cranky, sooky children... well in my house it does.. LOL!!!

I say go for it It was by far my easiest transition - 1 to 2 kids was really hard for me, but 2 - 3 was easy, and 3-4 is litttttle bit trickier - even if just the huge amount of washing I have to do!!!

[Diamond Girl]

I knew as soon as DS2 was born that I wanted another, but I was initally scared to have a third. I didnt think Id cope and our house was too small. So we bought a bigger car and house and waited until DS2 was 18 months. Only then I felt ready to TTC, but I did wonder if we were doing the right thing. When I got pg I was so happy with the idea of three. It felt right. Now Im trying to deal with the possibility that I may never have a third (due to recurrent m/c) and that is the most painful thing Ive ever been through.

Goodluck with your decision.

[black_rose]

I am finding three a lot of fun but a lot of hard work too. I have three under four so it can make going out with all three challenging sometimes and atm dh is working long hours so my days are long too so keeping a tidy house is almost impossible it's clean just cluttered..

We wanted four but are stopping at three, I don't think I could cope with another high risk pregnancy or manage a fourth child. The change from two to three was harder than I imagined.

But I do love my kids, we laugh, sing and play lots. Watching their different personalities emerge is fascinating

[Freya]

If I answer from a newborn + two kids perspective I would say go for it, its easy peasy! Some of the best moments of my life were when my youngest was a little baby and the other two were under 3.

If I answered from my life as it is now....................I would say dont do it lol Honestly a majority of the hard yakka for us having 3 kids is Ds2 being autistic. If you took him out of the equation life would be a breeze with 3 neurotypical kids. You kind of just adjust and then it feels like #3 was always there.

I dont think you ever regret having more kids, and I always try to remind myself that these early hard years fly by and in 5+ years time it will all be a distant memory. Ive just got to get through the now. We plan on having atleast one more but my hard decision is about when not if we should have said baby.

Good luck with your decision!

[PlonkeeMumma]

We had 3 in 3 and a half years with no family on the same side of the world and to be honest it was nearly the deal breaker for my hubby and I.

I love them all so much and when they are getting on it is wonderful and i know in my heart i would do it all over again if i knew then what i knew now but my goodness it has been hard! It's just getting that bit easier now they are all toilet trained, vaguely sleep through and can occupy them selves for lengths of time (although we just got a puppy so now it' back to have a bleeping newborn for a few months!).

My oldest 2 are boys and play together non stop and are now at school full time, my third is a girl and is home full time - she is almost like an only child as the boys don't play with her that much.

Can't give any advice on whether to go for it or not - if you have a good support network and maybe family around that will get a bit involved then it would be a bit easier.

Three always seems to increase financial stress more than two as car and house have to be that bit bigger but we'll manage - just!

Good luck with your decision making x

[OceanPrincess]

Thanks everyone for your responses. There are some really good points there...

We have the house and car already. We bought our house and car based on the plan to have three so we're covered. It has only been recently that I have been doubting my ability to properly parent three kids... given that I seem to be a lot snappier and grumpier with the two that I already have!

Could also be coinciding with my return to work...

DG... I can't imagine what you are going through right now. We are all here for you...

The first part of your post resonated with me... when DS was born I felt straight away that I'd be doing that again. And yep we went and bought the bigger house... and we've waited longer than when we conceived DS... but my body's not ready anyway right now so we didn't exactly have a choice.

Mrs NB - a few people have said that, that 2 to 3 was easier than 1 to 2. I'm hoping that DS and DD will play together nicely when the new baby comes along.

Did I just say "when"? I meant "if"...

[Beach Mama]

OP - I hadn't gotten AF back and didn't think I had O'd after Izzy and conceived J! Looks like you sort of know the answer lovely! Thing is, nobody will post and say "nope, totally regret having this kid - wish we had stuck with 2" It will be hard, things will be tighter $$ wise but look at how much joy and love your kids bring you and that will only be multiplied again!

Our problem is that when I am ready to have a 3rd DH isn't and the times that he was keen I wasn't - if we ever end up co-ordinating we may go again. Just wish a third one could come out differently

[Ginger]

it is such a personal decision- it really does depend on your support structure, the personality of your kids, your financial position, your health- so many different factors come into it!

for me, i always thought i would have 3 kids, but since ds2 has come along i have had moments where i have realised that two healthy beautiful kids really is a pretty awesome life for us. dh is adament he doesn't want anymore- so i guess i am more drawn towards that point of view, but one of our main reasons for stopping after #2 is the lack of support we have. i remember being sick as a dog with mastitis when ds2 was young and him screaming constantly and i still had ds1 to look after and i just thought to myself 'no more'.
i would be lying if i said that financial considerations didn't play a part for us too. i may get shot down for this, but we really want our kids to go to a good private school and at the moment it is a possibility. if we had a third it would become impossible. i know some people dodn't think that's important, but to us it is. like i said before- it's a very personal thing.
another thing is that our 2 get along really well together. they are best buddies and i really don't want to change that dynamic.
anyways, that's our decision. good luck with it all it is very hard especailly when people around you are having gorgeous squishy newborns all the time!!! can't say i haven't been tempted lol

[*EJ*]

For us 2 was perfect but at the same time i was struggling to accept that that was completely it. Then our decision was made for us and now i wouldn't want it any other way. I am really enjoying her and she has presented a few more chellenges than the boys did so far. But i'm handling them better than i probably would with the boys. Life is freaking hectic with three but i love it.

I do dream about having one more but realisticly i think we're done. I just don't know about life getting any more hectic and if i'd be able to cope. We'll see...

The best thing about 1 and multiple children after that is the huge amount of love they bring into your life. Nothing can compare to that.

All the best for the decision you make but either way you're already blessed

[OceanPrincess]

... it is very hard especailly when people around you are having gorgeous squishy newborns all the time!!! can't say i haven't been tempted lol

Absolutely - my good friend just had her first, awwww so cute and tiny and and and NEWBORN!

Cluck cluck cluck.

Anyway! Ginger, I'm not going to shoot you down because private schooling has been a big consideration for us too. DH was private schooled, I was public. We are both doing ok and we know there are some great public schools near us - for now. Who knows what they will be like in 10yrs time when the kids are actually off to secondary?

That must have been terrible for you being so sick with the two LOs. That is one area we are very lucky in - we have lots of support. Both sets of parents are around, DH's are very hands on and would help out as much as they were able. My sister is also fabulous.

Tan - LOL, I said to DH last night when I got the "wink wink how bout it?" that we'd better be careful unless we are sure we want #3... cuz DS is down to two feeds now, 6am and 7pm, so my body better be doing SOMETHING soon!

Cmon AF old friend... where are you? I just want some sort of control over it!