This time Im doing it. Really.

Hi Calluna, Well done on your choice :)

I to was going to say based on when I left a dv relationship, Its best to work your budget out without adding child support as you can not be sure he will pay it. That being said after months of not receiving it and then when I did he had worked out when it was paid to me he would come over and take it back.So while it looked like he was paying it (as he was) he was taking it back. Anyway after all that I had a apt with clink and a social worker and they made me exempt from having to claim it, they re-assessed it every year. And now its been lifted and he pays it.But if it gets like that that can be an option.

You will also get rent assistance too.

As for the MIL thing, if she really wont let it go and you have to choose maybe say something like you would like it if you both picked it together, that way she thinks she's getting what she wants and yet she will be somewhat choosing the one she likes?? Other wise just pick whatever and let it be water off a ducks back.

I would also slowly start moving the things that are near and dear to you out of the house eg photos, trinkets ect that way you wont have to fight to keep them or risk them being damaged, not saying he would but he may damage them to get at you out of anger.
And while your there maybe do the same with your fav linens homewares ect too

I am assuming that I will only get a very minimal amount of cs. He is on a very low income. And thats if he pays it at all. -.-

I tend to like the more neutral stuff anyway. So I'll just pick what I think is nice and hope for the best. Its only laminate too so if she eeally , ates it she can change it before selling without losing heaps of money.

Good idea about getting things out. I can think of a couple of things already that he wouldnt notice had gone..

That's it, at the end of the day its only a bench lol

Also I forgot before but important documents you should move else where too like birth crts ect. Any photos saved on a computer make usb copies too :)

Mm maybe I could ask for an external hdd for christmas. Then I can transfer all my piccies onto that before I leave. Lol

Also possibly stockpile some money a little bit at a time if at all possible. I did this because I knew he would cut me off as quick as possible and it might take time to process centrelink so would need it to bridge the gap. Everything was in his name so it was very easy for him to remove my access.

Took twice to leave for good. There was a lot of shame and guilt. :hug:

You never know what might happen after. I really hope your ex will be co-operative. I know I expected the worst, our relationship was super toxic, things thrown at me and lots of insults, raised voices etc so I never expected him to be reasonable. But when the dust settled and he realised I wasn't coming back, he got into therapy and has been pretty decent. Not perfect but paid child support without fail and not been difficult. Expect the worst but I will be hoping for the best for you, definitely get CSA to collect for you though xx

Have only just come back in after a late lunch.

Sorry hun, I think my post came across harsher than I intended :hug: It's just that you've made such a huge decision, and you're being incredibly brave. Part of the abuse is making you feel guilty about things, he's tried making you guilty about leaving before, and so to have other things to consider that can also make you feel guilty is hard. As tough as it is there are probably a lot of things that need to be forgotten/let go :hug:

I haven't read all the replies, but I have to tell you that you're doing the right thing & for the right reasons.

When I finally pulled my head together & got out, I did the same. I told everyone the reason so I wouldn't turn around & go back. So if I did they'd all be thinking I was silly for doing so. Even if they didn't think that, I thought they would & I needed to think that. I also needed people to understand why I got out & to help me stay out. Rather than the people who keep insisting that we'll 'figure it out'.

It is long & emotional. It took weeks for me to stop freaking out every time I missed a call. Months for him to stop his mind games. It was really hard work to get myself to stop letting him control me. It was all I'd known for so long.

You can do it & you can message me any time you need too xx


Can I ask where the $660 a week came from? When I had 2 kids, I was getting about $500pw with rent assistance. It was a few years ago now & I know parenting payment single has gone up a lot since then, but not sure FTB has gone up that much. It is possible, I don't have 2 kids anymore! I only ask because I really have no idea, but don't want you basing all your plans on this amount if its not what you'll be getting.
Don't forget that even if he doesn't pay you the CSA, your payments will be based on the fact that he should be paying you. So you actually have to tell centrelink if there's non payment, so they can give you your full amount. You can't afford to lose ay extra money.

As a partnered parent, are you entitled to an advance payment for when you are ready to go? Don't forget there is the department of housing to help with bond etc. Under circumstances of DV they can help with more than normal. (In NSW they do anyway, rather than only paying 3 weeks bond, they can pay all 4 weeks, plus your 2 weeks in advance).

As for his threats of suicide. Call him on it. Ex called me, pretended he was crying (maybe he was, who knows), told me to tell the kids he loves them & good bye, etc etc. I said ok, bye & messaged his mum so she knew what was going on. That way if he did, I had done the right thing (even though we both knew he wouldn't).

I also got to the point where I wished he would just drop dead. I was there for a couple of years... haven't quite gotten past that feeling yet.

Its ok Teeki. I took it they way it was intended hun. I meant I know what you mean its just hard to convince myself.

Thanks Clover

How did I miss this :hug: I don't have any advice but please know that we are all behind you :hug:

Missed your edit Clover - its 720 something pf for pps, plus a couple of little supplements putting it at approx 750 pf. Plus about 500 and something pf for family assistance. = 1200 and something pf. I've got it all written down but cant get it out atm. Thats what they told me on the phone when I spoke to the social worker anyway.

Thanks Hestia ♥

I don't know the full situation but just want to add that CL can give an advance payment on your FTB and your PPS. Yes an amount will be taken out of your payment each fortnight but the lump sum will come in handy for bond etc. It's only for women leaving circumstances of DV. From memory it's about $1000 from your PPS to be repaid over ?6 months. And from FTB is a percentage that can be claimed in January and July.
I left a violent relationship many years ago. With three small children, one with special needs. Be brave, be strong and know that you are not alone. Big hugs.

^ You can get that advance any time when you are on PPS, but the OP isn't on PPS yet. You can get an advance on PPP as well, but it depends on how much you get each f/n to how much you can borrow.

There is also the FTB advance if you receive enough. You can get that one in separate lots at any time of year as well now I think. Also up to $1000.

Sorry to clarify further. The advance is for new claimants of PPS when fleeing DV. So basically you apply for PPS and the advance at the same time.

Ok, sorry. I wish I'd known that 2 years ago. Will keep that in mind though if I ever know anyone who needs it.

Thanks girls! Wish they had told me that when I talked to them on the phone.

Im on PPP but not recieving any of it due to DFs income each fortnight. So I'm not sure how much of an advance Id be entitled to.

*hugs* Calluna, it is a big journey and it sounds like you are ready. I wanted to mention Department of Housing, they will be able to give you 75% of your bond. You will also get discounts on electricity, free car rego and tell your banks as you will also have no monthly charges on the accounts, this all helps in a big way. You can so an online calculation for Child support as well.


Go Well xx

Ok. So I spoke to:
- Brisbane Domestic Violence Service; generally pretty unhelpful. Told me Id probably go back to him because he has equal rights to the kids and can come and take them anytime he wants. The police cant/ wont do anything. They may show up if I call them but cant stop him from taking them.
- Legal Aid; who told me that was rubbish (basically) and he can definately NOT take my 7 week old and if he showed up to call the police who would tell him to leave. Especially if he was angry. Someone will call me tomorrow to follow up on some other questions re breastfeeding and my rights to move interstate and getting a care plan and exit plan sorted out.
Gave me a basic list of what I can take with me incl id, tax returns, anything of sentimental value to me, clothes, shoes, blankets, anything the children will need. Keep it minimal until I have somewhere to store things.
- DV Connect; if I need to leave urgently I call them and they will organise transport to anywhere I need to go, or to a hostel or refuge and call the police or ambulance if required. If I go to a hostel or refuge I will be expected to contribute 25% of my income, it is a confidential location that I am not to share with anyone and if I wish to meet friends or see anyone I must do it well away from the hostel. My children would be required to change schools if they attended any.

It's a start :hug: sorry the first place was useless.