This time Im doing it. Really.

Calluna we always have deep intuitions to follow something and then days later question it over and over again, that doubt is the destructive part of us that wants things to stay crappy and the way they are.... we are all here to remind you that your decision was made based on what is best for you all. Perhaps he will be a better daddy and have a better relationship with the children because you leave. He has no reason to stand up and be his best at the moment.

Stay with the hope and the rising up that you shared in the first few posts...

Told my mum today. She tried to talk me into staying.
"Oh but it's a lovely house and the kitchens nearly finished"
"Have you thought about trying relationship counselling?"
"You should wait until after christmas. What will people think? Theyll all be talking about how you left him at christmas"
"Its not like it's physical abuse."
"Have you really thought this through?"

Thanks for the support mum.

And she cant understand why I wont stay with her despite me explaining he could get really nasty and I don't want her or her property to be harmed. And that its safer for the children too because if he knows where I am he can come and take the kids.

Shes so... urgh... 3 hours of her trying to convince me stay..

That's awful Calluna :hug: Has she not seen what it's like? To worry about what people will say instead of you and your children's wellbeing is not nice :hug:

Sorry your mum isn't being more supportive :hug: Don't even think about how other people are going to react, the health and happiness of you and your kids are the most important issue here.

I didn't tell my parents for 5 weeks after I'd kicked my ex husband out - not because I was ashamed but because I needed time to feel strong enough to tell people and to 'know' it really was the right decision.

My mum was really shocked as she'd no idea just how bad things were. She still doesn't (and he's been gone 9 years) as it'd upset her knowing what I put up with while we were married.

Good luck with the move xx

Plenty of people are under the impression that I took ex's kids away from him & that I won't let him see them. I took them to the other side of the country. Took my kids away from a loving father & a happy home as far as anyone he's spoken too knows.

Thankfully, the people who matter to me know the truth. Only my closest friend knows the full story, because he often showed his true colours in front of her. My mum didn't really question it. I packed up & drove to IL's place with the intention of us all moving here together. I called my mum & said I was going alone. They were worried... my pop packed up his caravan ready to meet me in the middle of the Nullarbor if I needed him. Not one of them knew my reasons for leaving at that point.

That was early January 2012. It was April that year when mum & dad came over that I told her I found out he'd been cheating. And slowly other little things have come out as life has gone on. That he was controlling etc. I have not, & probably never will tell them what really went on.

Tell your mum you need her support. I think she's just a bit old fashioned. Give her some time. My parents are similar. I left ex a few times before, but they did things to make staying away difficult. They are old fashioned. But the know better now.

Plenty of people are under the impression that I took ex's kids away from him & that I won't let him see them. I took them to the other side of the country. Took my kids away from a loving father & a happy home as far as anyone he's spoken too knows.

Thankfully, the people who matter to me know the truth. Only my closest friend knows the full story, because he often showed his true colours in front of her. My mum didn't really question it. I packed up & drove to IL's place with the intention of us all moving here together. I called my mum & said I was going alone. They were worried... my pop packed up his caravan ready to meet me in the middle of the Nullarbor if I needed him. Not one of them knew my reasons for leaving at that point.

That was early January 2012. It was April that year when mum & dad came over that I told her I found out he'd been cheating. And slowly other little things have come out as life has gone on. That he was controlling etc. I have not, & probably never will tell them what really went on.

Tell your mum you need her support. I think she's just a bit old fashioned. Give her some time. My parents are similar. I left ex a few times before, but they did things to make staying away difficult. They are old fashioned. But the know better now.

So its either tomorrow or next Thursday. Im so scared but excited at the same time. I just need to work out how to get the last of my important stuff out.. Yikes!

Going to leave his mum a card and send one to his sister with the money I owe her.

His Mum is in Melbourne for a couple of days so tomorrow would be perfect timing.. but its suddenly here and im scared as hell. What im making a huge mistake? What if I have forgotten something? Argh!

You're right Clover she is old fashioned. Shes very much stuck at 16yrs old with the views of her parents generation as her guide. She means well but its so frustrating. I really thought she'd get it since she escaped a physically abusive relationship . And it seemed like on some level she did but herental illness and old fashioned views got in the way and made her thoughts very contradictory.

Youve had time to process it whereas it would have been a bit of a shock for your Mum... im sure over the last few years you have stayed with your partner because its just been easier then leaving and for your kids sake, it sounds like your Mum is still stuck in this thinking pattern. She will get there in time though, especially once you fill her in with all the miserable parts of the last couple years. Prove to her that your strong and can do this... and show her that your going to break that old fashioned cycle of just putting up with crap for your kids sake!
My Mum actually tried leaving my abusive Dad when I was young but my grandparents told her she couldnt.. and she listened and stayed miserable with him til my youngest sister was 18 cos it was the 'right thing to do' then left him (well actually no, he was having an affair and left her in the end).

It's our generation that needs to change this once and for all!
Good luck for tomorrow!!

You can do this Calluna, as scary as it may be. Even if his behavior has changed a little now, you're leaving the years of poor treatment he's put you through in the past and will likely continue to put you through in future.

Have you got people coming to get you/help you move things? I'm sure you haven't forgotten anything, but can you get a kind of checklist from one of the places that's been helping you out? If you do forget something small I'm sure it's probably replaceable.

Big hugs and good luck :hug:

:hug: Calluna. Good luck.

(I was going to write more, but can't seem to make any sense, so I will just say: You are awesome. :) )

PM me here or FB if you want to talk.

Thanks girls.
I couldn't do this without everyone's support.

Good luck <3

My mum and sister were only good at supporting me because they had seen what had been happening first hand and the shell of a person that I had become. My mum had begged me to leave for months before I actually did. When I did leave I told my best friend who although she supported me because of who I am, she didn't understand and said similar things to what your mum did. I think its hard for people when its emotional/psychological abuse, you can show them a bruise, a cut, a broken limb. You can't show them the bruises on the inside that can hurt just as much as the physical ones.

Good luck tomorrow (or next Thursday). You can do this and you have all of BB backing you. :hug: You are strong.

We are behind you Calluna giving you a gentle nudge. We are beside you holding you hand and reminding you that you and your kids deserve so much more that the crap you've put up with for ages.

There's a meme going round on fb at the mo that says:

I'm not telling you it's going to be easy... But its going to be worth it.

It's worth getting your joy back and breaking the cycle of adult role models who abuse partners, like your mum and yourself have been abused. You deserve more and you can do this.

XO

Good luck, you can do this xx

I have someone lined up to grab the last of the things I wanted out. I might actually follw though on this this time. *panics*