What would you do? **may be distressing**

**Stevie** · November 11th, 2011, 05:21 PM

**didnt know where to put this?**

I have a girlfriend who has recently confided in me about her and her husbands relationship..

They have been together for a few years, and they've always been rough. always had problems.
She told me that many a times he has hurt her.. not just like hit her.. he has strangled her, held knives (and various objects) up to her throat.
She went into a bit of detail of the things that has happened between him and her.
They have a younge child together and she is so scared of the lifestyle this child is going tohave to grow up with,

i told her she shouldnt be putting up with him, i basically told her she should get out! Did i do the right thing?
what would you do?

**Miss.B** · November 11th, 2011, 05:24 PM

Sorry to hear about your friend. I would tell her to do what is best for her and her child.

**Stevie** · November 11th, 2011, 05:28 PM

I would tell her to do what is best for her and her child.

That is basically what i have tried to put across to her. that in the end her child and herself shouldnt be putting up with that kind of treatment.

**~Kim~** · November 11th, 2011, 05:44 PM

I probably would have said the same thing. However, DV is something so horrendous in our society that I would doubt she's ever told anyone. That is an enormous step for a victim.
Tread gently. Hear her and listen and be unbiased. She needs to make the decision to change (and possibly endanger) her life. Don't discount her choices. You may not agree with them or be annoyed she hasn't taken your advice, but it doesn't take much to ruin trust.
If she asks for advice/info offer to help her find it.

what a tough and sad position. I hope your friend finds her peace.

**Maruschke** · November 11th, 2011, 05:46 PM

Do you have space at home for her to leave an emergency 'running away from home kit' at your place if she needs it? Like a few clothes for her child, one toy, anything that you would absolutely must have for a few days to get on your feet again? I feel terrible for her. It's fantastic she opened up and I hope she can find a way out of this nightmare.

**kelebek** · November 11th, 2011, 06:26 PM

short answer yes

long answer don't leave it at that.... let her know that if she does stay that you are still there for her, does she want to leave? what does she need to leave? maybe suggest counselling so that she can 'see' her own way out and that she does deserve more. It often takes many attempts, many plans to leave a DV situation so don't be surprised if she doesn't want to leave straight away.

**Chocaholic** · November 12th, 2011, 05:26 AM

I agree with the others. Keep the lines of communication open and if she needs you to, do the research for her. This will mean the husband can't find out.

Does he let her see you often? Maybe start spending more time together so she can get some more "safe" time to think.

GL to you and your friend.

Oh, and ask her if you can talk to your DH. Getting him onside might make it easier if she runs to your place when it is the right time.

**HotI** · November 12th, 2011, 06:28 AM

A friend of mine was in a DV relationship for about 4 years. It was tough cos we both knew it wasn't right, but she wasn't ready to leave yet. And she didn't have kids to consider. I just kept our friendship open, even when i didn't agree with her decisions, cos i knew one day she would be ready and at thay time she would need friends to get her through. Other friends found it much harder to keep the relationship up, when it just didn't make sense to them.

Hope your mate can find her way out safely.

**diannescruffy** · November 12th, 2011, 08:11 AM

It must have taken a lot of courage for her to open up to you, sounds like a cry for help. All you can really do is let her know what options she has and just being there for her.

Regards,
Dianne