Shocking behaviour from midwives

[LuluHB]

Just have to have a bit of a vent. A girlfriend of mine has just had her first baby. She had a beautiful, quick, easy birth and her DD is gorgeous. My GF had every intention of breastfeeding and had her DD on her breast within an hour of birth. After that things went downhill really fast and they just couldn't get a good attachment, no matter what different hold or technique they tried (her DD is tongue tied). Anyway, my GF was very distressed by the whole thing - screaming, hungry baby and she was in pain so she decided to give some FF while she tried to express. The midwives at the hospital she was in effectively ganged up on her, coming in two of them together at a time and lecturing her about how she just had to deal with her pain and how could she expect to be a good mother if she didn't persevere with breastfeeding. They waited until her DH was not there before they did this and on one occasion asked her MIL who was visiting to leave the room while they did an "examination". Why is it that there can't be more acceptance that while "breast is best", its not the only way and you're not an abusive, neglectful mother if you opt for formula.

This is my GF's first baby and naturally like any of us she wants to do what is best for her child. But what has happened is that she checked herself out of hospital to get away from the pressure, she feels like she has failed her baby and is in tears most of the day. I'm so angry at the way she has been treated and that she has been fed lies and guilt by those people that were there to support her.

[dee73]

Lulu - this unfortunately doesn't surprise me at all. I had a similar experience with my first, and after 3 days when my milk still hadn't come in and I hadn't had even 5 minutes sleep, a night-nurse suggested I give ds some formula to settle him as I needed sleep (I had complications in birth and still had high bp even 3 days later). I agreed and it worked, I got 3 hours blissful sleep. The next morning I had 3 separate midwives berate me for having gone down the formula path and tell me I had probably blown any hope I had of successful breastfeeding because my ds had now had a taste of formula. Grrrr.

[Bathsheba]

From what I have experienced midwives acknowledge tongue tie as a fairly common problem and recommend expressed BFing. There are usually pumps in hospital which the new mum can use and feed her baby via bottle until the tongue can be seen to by a paed. How disappointing that this didn't occur It would have been a win/win situation. Often the bub just needs a tiny snip (it doesn't even bleed most of the time) for the tongue tie to be resolved.

[bellelass]

It's so odd how the tables have turned so dramatically on this issue. My own mother had me in 1984 (not that long ago) and had wanted so much to breastfeed me. The doctor discouraged her, said it was much better to formula feed and gave her some pills which she took like a good girl. Poor ignorant thing, she just took whatever he gave her- they were "dry up" pills and she couldn't feed me at all. She had horrible PND for years afterward, I wouldn't be surprised if the doctor's attitude/abuse had something to do with it.

It's just terrible, though, that now the pendulum has swung so far to the other side and bfing is "pushed" so strongly that a mother who needs to can't FF without being treated like a monster. Makes me angry.

[Beach Mama]

Oh Lulu that is just awful.... just when you need reassurance and support you get that kind of "breast" bashing that does nothing at all except make you feel even worse about the whole situation. I think its disgusting that they told her MIL to leave and waited until her DH wasn't there to do it- totally gutless really and if I was her I would be writing to the hospital to complain about it.

Can she contact the ABA and get some support or see a LC to get some solutions for her and her bubby??? I hope she can get some answers and breastfeed her bub.

[fionas]

It's so hard knowing the right thing to do. I was determined to breastfeed when it would really have been better for me to have given a little bit of formula in order to rest and be more relaxed. As it was by the time I had my DD, I'd had 7 hours sleep in 3 days and when she was born she wouldn't stay on longer than five minutes. So the midwives all gave different explanations and had me BFing for 1.5 hours each time - with a 1.5 hour break only for the ordeal (and that's the best word I can use to describe it) to start all over again - with midwives thrusting my boob and baby's head together at least 20 times per session. So I was torn between wanting to keep going and being absolutely exhausted. Then the hospital's lactation consultant told me to BF, express and FF when I got home which then took 2.5 hours out of every 3 hours. So I did that for two weeks. And my milk didn't come in until Day 6.

On the other hand, my GF supplemented with formula pretty much from Day 1. Her DS is an excellent BFer - hasn't affected him at all and she just bought herself a little bit of extra time to sleep and without worrying about the dreaded weight loss.

If we have similar problems next time, I know I'll be much less reticent about the formula - if the baby is attaching fine then I don't see what the drama is. Some babies are VERY good at BFing and at taking a bottle but BF Nazis will have you believe that if one drop of formula crosses their lips then your efforts will be doomed. I believe a more holistic approach should be taken - one that considers the needs of the mum AND the baby.

I hope your GF gets the support that she deserves and she's not traumatised by her stay in hospital. It's really unfair that women are given such a hard time when they're at their most vulnerable.