Today was my first oncologist review since treatment ended. Let me preface this by saying since I had no swollen nodes or evidence of disease any where else in my body since chemo started, there was essentially *no* evidence that that the chemo was working. Often people go into treatment with a tumour site or blood markers that can be tracked to demonstrate that the chemo is doing its job. In my case the Onc chose to hit me with the maximum load of chemo and hope (blindly) that it worked.
So, I had the CT scan last week (lovely process that involved a huge raised bruise the size and colour of a large and juicy blood plum) and had to wait a week to get the results. I've been worrying because I noticed that the base of my neck is assymetrical so have been paranoid about enlarged lymph nodes there (in fact I've got a little rash in one spot on account of me feeling it constantly :lol:).
So I lob up at the hospital with my sis in tow since DH stayed at home to look after the poxy child, and to my sheer terror they tell me I'll be seeing the consultant (my boss doctor). You know when you're seeing on of the registrars everything's ok because if something's wrong you see the boss doctors. I can see my dr standing there with a file in his hand (mine??? someone elses??) having a whispering conference with another senior doctor :o. So I'm sitting in waiting room having a nervous breakdown, imagining that I'm still riddled and that's the real reason I haven't been able to throw off this chest/sinus infection for weeks.
Then, right in the middle of it, I stop and breathe, and just for a moment I feel, deep in my solar plexus chakra, the energy of my strong healthy future stretched ahead of me. It feels straight and sure and clear and unwavering. Just then the onc calls me in and I think I practically sprinted up the hallway in three steps because I'm suddenly sitting in his office, and the onc is absentmindedly asking me questions at the same time he's reading his notes.
I interrupt and ask "Have you got the CT results??" and he's like, um yeah, I think they were ok, and tap taps at his computer...and I'm squeezing my sister's hand... and then he's telling me NO SIGNS OF RECURRENCE. So then he checks my neck (ok, def not lymph node swelling and apparently the CT scan looked at the base of the neck anyway).
So before I know it I've got an appt slip in my hand and he's saying to me 'This is the END OF YOUR TREATMENT' - see you in 3 months time for a checkup. Ta ta have a nice Christmas!
So then I'm in the hallway doing a little jump and dance :leap: :hooray:and my sister and I have this huge teary hug moment in the doorway.
And, finally, it is OVER. Well, this bit, anyway. Still got the small matter of a mastectomy to deal with. :p
You're never "cured" until you've got a few year's clear but for now, this'll do. :D
