Night weaning

[KTS]

hello

I have been reading bellybelly since I got pregnant and my boy is now 14 months old - I have finally registered and this is my first post

I'd really appreciate any ideas about whether or not to try to night wean. I'd also appreciate hearing from anyone who is a breastfeeding co-sleeper but who occasionally takes nights off.

Brief background - DS was a pretty good sleeper as a little bub but because a pretty awful one around 7 months. At his worst he would have 35 min sleeps during the day and wake every 20mins - 1 hour over night, all night. He is much better than this now, he is a good day sleeper and generally sleeps for 3-5 hours when he first goes down at night (with a resettle or two in the first hour or so). He tends to wake fairly frequently for the rest of the night, but will sometimes sleep for 2 or more hours in a block. He starts the night in his cot in his own room but then sleeps in our bed from whenever he wakes after we have gone to bed. He is always rocked, patted or bf to sleep.

I have been wanting a bit of a break from this so for the past 10 or so days I have been slipping out and sleeping in the other room after DS comes into bed with us. Initially I was feeding him back to sleep when he first came into the bed and then sneaking away but for the past 5 days I haven't done this - so he has not been bf overnight at all (unless 5am is still overnight ). He seems fine with this in terms of not being clingy or upset during the day. His sleep seems pretty much the same too.

My partner quite often sleeps in the other room when he wants a good sleep and my plan is that I might start doing this too - ie before work days etc. Which leads me (finally) to my question - I'm not sure whether I should try to completely night wean or whether I should just still bf overnight but then expect him to not bf on the nights when I sleep in the other room. I have been working 5 days per fn since he was 8 months old and he doesn't bf on those days - so perhaps he would understand that in the same way that he doesn't bf during the day when he is with Dad, he doesn't bf during the night when he is with Dad. But perhaps this would mean he was more upset on the nights when I sleep in the other room, because he is expecting to bf over night.

If I thought one way or the other would help him sleep better I would just go for that, but I'm not convinced it will make that much difference. I don't really mind bf overnight - sometimes it is great, but tbh there are starting to be more times when I am getting a bit annoyed by it (although if I don't feed him I will probably just be annoyed by trying to pat him). I feel worried that it will be quite upsetting for him to be in bed with me but not allowed to bf.

I'd be really interested to hear any ideas. So far all of my friends have pretty much stopped bf completely by around 12 months so most of the advice I am getting presupposes that night weaning is self evidently good.

wow this seems very long - all those months of reading but not joining seem to mean I have built up a very long first post!

thanks

[skeetaboat]

Dr Jay Gordon has some good advice re: nightweaning and co-sleeping, if you google him you'll find it. I know quite a few co-sleepers have had success with it.

I was a breastfeeding co-sleeper and my son had a handful of nights with grandparents before he was nightweaned (at 22 months). He coped quite fine on those nights. Still woke up but went back to sleep when they gave him a cuddle and told him mum wasn't there.

I think that it if he's coping ok with you slipping out during the night and not feeding him, and you're feeling inclined to night wean, maybe you could just continue doing it this way... it's sort of a variation of the Dr Jay Gordon method anyway.

I would imagine that feeding some nights and not others could create confusion for him. BUT I've got no evidence or experience to support this, just going by the commonly held wisdom that consistency is key. During the day he's got cues to know that certain days aren't breastfeeding days (like he's at daycare) but at night it might be hard for him to tell which nights are breastfeeding nights, IYKWIM?

One thing to be mindful of is that nightweaning might not necessarily stop night-waking. It didn't for our toddler, but because we continue to co-sleep he quickly goes back to sleep. It's only if we're not there beside him that night-waking is a problem. I much prefer being able to cuddle him back to sleep than having to breastfeed him because it's much quicker, more comfortable, and can be done by either one of us..

I guess you have to figure out what you'd prefer to do if night-waking continues... and there's your answer.

HTH

[KTS]

Thanks Skeetaboat. I think you are probably right about the consistency.

I have been back in the bed for two nights - the first he was fine with me just patting him rather than feeding (although there was a LOT of patting) but then he got a bit sick and had a temperature the next night so I did feed him. We'll see what tonight brings

I am pretty resigned to nothing stopping the night waking so that isn't so much what is behind the night weaning. Being able to just cuddle back to sleep sounds so nice, hopefully we are headed that way.

oh, and I have had a look at the Dr jay Gordon advice. I seem to find this type of gradual change to sleeping patterns thing works for us but much much more slowly. So if something is suggested for three nights it seems to take us about three months to make the change. But maybe that is because I am not consistent enough.

[kelebek]

I am a co-sleeping breastfeeder. DS is almost 23 mnths. I feed him before bed and he starts off the night in his cot and then generally sometime between 11pm and 1 am he will wake for a feed, might have a 3amish feed and then cluster feeds from dawn until we get up.

At about 18ish months I had enough of the night feeding (he has always waked numerous times for a feed throughout the night ) and decided that I should at least try to cut out the midnight feed. After a week of crying and patting back to sleep and offering water instead he did 'give up' that feed but it didn't stop the wakeups He would still wakeup and would sometimes be happy to just cuddle back to sleep or have a drink of water (he was and still is obviously thirsty)

Then a month ago he is teething again (3 or 4 teeth at once) and is going through a developmental leap and is demanding 'boo' again

Over the last 8 mnths or so I have had a few nights away and DP has watched him, they both seemed to cope well and DP would give DS milk and DS was happy to accept that.

So after my ramblings - back to you... I think that in an ideal world it would work for you and DS doesn't 'need' to be fed on the nights that have to work the next day but I suspect that if you have worked that day that he would make up for those missed daytime cuddles at night and might still 'want' to be fed at night... is it possible not to work 2 days in a row?

Maybe you could try it night weaning and see how you go.... sorry if that wasn't helpful.

[fourthontheway]

I'm a co-sleeping bf mama with a 3.5 year old. I've only just night weaned in the last couple of months. But I could have done it earlier I realise now ...

When I decided to night wean I just told him that we were only going to have booby when it's light, so if he wakes up I say "when the sun comes up we'll have booby" and after two nights he was fine with it, in fact he never really protested!

[fourthontheway]

oh and as for sleeping in another bed I think that's a fine idea, as long as you know your son will be in to have cuddles in the morning I appreciate the morning cuddles so much when he manages to sleep in his own room. But I had a daughter who slept on her own and my son is a co-sleeper, and the difference between their attitudes to sleep is very interesting. My daughter has only just started going to bed when she's tired instead of staying up til all hours (we're home schoolers, she's 11.5) but my son falls asleep when he's tired, and you really can't wake him up even if you dance around clapping and singing, he just keeps his eyes closed and smiles, and before you know it he's snoring lol

[KTS]

thanks for your replies kelebek and fourthontheway.

Kelebek your DS' waking pattern sounds so very similar to mine. Is he still wanting the midnight feed?

So far we seem to be going ok, mostly DS has been ok-ish without feeding until around 4am or 5am, and we then do the cluster feeding thing until he gets up. It is taking a long time to get him to go to sleep during the night though - so much patting, so much 'sleepy time'. And he is crying a bit although it seems more like he is annoyed than sad or hurt.

That is a good point about whether he will want to feed more if I have been at work, I'm not sure whether he has been doing that or not. I only work two days in a row once every fortnight at this point.

[kelebek]

In the last few days he has slept until about 3 am and last night he woke about 1.30am but I have been away through the days for the last 3 days or so helping my sister get ready for her wedding and her wedding was last night.

that he is continues this longer sleeping pattern.