Help - didn't mean to breastfeed to sleep!!!

[Balicinta]

Hi,

My bub is 8 months old and has gone from a great sleeper to a really bad one....he wakes 5-8 times a night and will only go to sleep with booby..if I try and let him self settle or give him a dummy, water etc...he screams his little head off, he can self settle as he falls alseep straight away in the car seat and wakes up at night, looks around the room and at me (we are co-sleeping) and then goes back to sleep. Can anyone tell me how they got their babies to sleep without that sucking to sleep association. I am willing to do anything as to not let him cry so controlled crying is just not an option (although I get told :that is the only thing that will work")

Thanks for any suggestions.

[*becstar*]

The only thing I can really suggest is maybe when you BF him try not to let him fall asleep at the breast......make sure he stays awake (even sleepily) until he's detatched and then put him to bed?

OR, how do you feel about trying a dummy? does he have one?

[*charmalea*]

feed till drowsy and when you think he is falling asleep and jsut usuing you as a dummy , then de latch him and if he cries, just pat him until he stops fussing , thats what used to do!

but unfortunatly i was one of those ppl who had to use crying as a method to help them sleep , DD was co sleeping a BF about 10 times a night @8mths .. i got no sleep , even when she was in a cot , she slept a teeny bit longer , but still wanted to feed alot ,and would be hystrerical to settle . In then end i could not stand the frequent BF during the day and night , and i found if i had a busy day and didnt BF enough for her liking then she would make up for it at night .

a week at a family centre ,Ellen Barron (known mainly for "sleep school) really helped us as we were having other issues ..
we learnt that she was fed , clean warm and tired , so her cries were just angry/frustrated cries, because she was so used to me feeding her to sleep. and i wasnt as tho i put her to bed and walked away , I could pat and sssh her until she calmed down , then id stop , and if she started to cry again , i would shh and pat until her cries started to lessen .
and it def wasnt controlled crying , as i was right there soothing her , and making her comfortable , i just wasnt doing it with my boobs.

the aim is to put them in bed awake and NOT be doing anything (like patting / feeding) when the fall asleep. and put them to sleep where they are going to wake up , so if you put him to sleep on your boob/ in your arms etc , and he wakes up and and he is not on your boob/in your arms , then he will be confused and rather upset. thus making it really hard to settle , like you said you try everything but then end up putting him back on the boob , as this is the last place he fell asleep. kwim ???

also letting them self soothe will allow them to find something that soothes them , like playing with their hair or stroking their ear , as they can do this anytime they need to sleep.

now at bed time / nap time as soon as dd sees her bed she cant wait to be put in it ... with in minutes is asleep with out a peep .. and at night when she goes down doesnt need to be fed to sleep ( which she heavliy relied on , as well as patting / wrapping if not on the boob) and will sleep all night.

last night she went to bed at 7pm and is now still asleep , havent heard a peep all night ! and she wakes up happy rather than the grumpy mood she used to wake up in .

So i guess what im trying to say is , if your not comfortable letting them cry then find other ways to soothe. and only you can find your happy medium with sleep and your Bub . if its impactimg on you then is not the right solution , kwim ?

You have to think long term, are you happy to do this until hes 3 and wont go to bed with out mummy? many cultres co sleep for ever , and thats fine for them , but when its babys bed time are you happy to drop everything (dinner / TV / night out ) to BF baby to sleep ??

a dummy is fine , but if it falls out at night you will still have to get up and put it back in for him , and as i mentioned above , if they want to sleep it may not always be there , so they get up set and wont sleep kwim ?

there is a book , which has been widely reccomended - NO CRY SLEEP SOULUTION , elizabeth pantley .
there are some great tip in there (like waiting till they are drowsy, and taking them off the breast , this was you are NOT helping/feeding them to sleep , just helping them soothe so they can sleep. kwim)
and i'd keep and eye out for tired signs and get them as sleepy as poss. as when you put them to bed they nod straight off , making the transition easier , so they still fall asleep where they are going to wake up ..
i was a " i'll never let her cry " mum , but things got bad ( her chronic dependancy of boobies) so i had to make the decision to do something before i got so sleep deprived . I also have a toddler , so it was hard to keep up with his demands when i was so tired.

NO im not a "let them cry " convert , and if baby is younger than 5mths than i def wouldnt let them cry, BUT i am a convert to "if its not working , try something else" , so i tried it and now i'd never look back ..

[Liz]

My DD self settled until about 7 or 8 months too and then it all went up the creek LOL. I rock her to sleep now.. and we are slowly transitioning to me lying down with her to get her off to sleep.

It depends what you are prepared to do. My DS fed to sleep for a couple of years, but I didn't mind (coz it worked so well! LOL) They do get it eventually without having to "teach" them, it just depends how you feel about them needing you like that.

And can I just say.. babies don't use the breast as a dummy - the breast is the real thing! It's natural for them to find comfort on the breast, breastfeeding isn't just about milk. But it does really come down to what you're happy to do.

[thepixie]

I'm in a bit of the same boat, at the moment we not only have the feeding to sleep issue, but she won't sleep in her cot at night. Even if I put her in asleep she wakes up either straight away or within about 20 mins and screams the house down. I don't want to do CC either but it's driving me completely nuts. I wouldn't mind if she was just whinging-crying but she is completely apoplectic and hysterical. She is not a baby who settles with patting and shhhing and when I pick her up she arches back and fights me.
So I'll be watching this thread!

[Liz]

Pixie - Tallon did that at 8 months too. Would scream as soon as I put him down and when I picked him up he'd scream & arch, and then he'd hang on to me like his life depended on it. He was just soooo upset. His turned out to be teeth I think. It did pass.. but this was also when we started co-sleeping so we could get some sleep!

In my experience 7/8 months is a very unsettled time, probably for various reasons. Some of it you can just ride out.

[thepixie]

Thanks Liz, it did come on all of a sudden so hopefully it's just a phase we can ride out. Thanks for giving me some hope!

[Balicinta]

I'm in a bit of the same boat, at the moment we not only have the feeding to sleep issue, but she won't sleep in her cot at night. Even if I put her in asleep she wakes up either straight away or within about 20 mins and screams the house down. I don't want to do CC either but it's driving me completely nuts. I wouldn't mind if she was just whinging-crying but she is completely apoplectic and hysterical. She is not a baby who settles with patting and shhhing and when I pick her up she arches back and fights me.
So I'll be watching this thread!

I'm in the same boat, bubba won't sleep in his cot, I am co-sleeping with him and we have just started putting him in the cot, very drowsy but still awake, turn the lullabub on the car motion (yes, I have become that desperate for him to sleep!), at the moment he is going down with abit of a cry but only sleeps for 30 minutes at the most.

He won't take a dummy, spits it out and throws it on the floor. I have got the book by PANTLEY, it is a great book but still hasn't helped much, I even did the Pantley Pull Off by removing boob so he doesn't fall asleep with it for 2 months but to no avail...

I rang the health care nurse this morning and made a appointment to see if I can get a referral to Ellen Barron Sleep School.

Can anyone tell me if his sleeping for 30 minutes will get longer with time? Do I get him out of the cot after 30 mins or try and resettle him? I have tried to resettle him but he wants to play and gets up and rocks his cot.

Thepixie, glad to know there is someone in the same boat!!!

Thanks again

[Liz]

To be honest, I've very rarely fought my baby to sleep. If it's becoming a battle, I just get them back up and try again later. i just can't imagine spending hours shushing and 'teaching' them to sleep. I've even been known to run a bath in order to wear them out a bit more LOL. Sometimes a change of scenery, a comforting non-sleep cuddle/play, can get them out of fight mode and then they are a bit more relaxed to try and sleep again.

Both mine have gone through cat-napping stages too. I just went with it really. It's frustrating when they only sleep for about 30-40 minutes, but it changes again with time. It just meant that they had more little sleeps as opposed to just a few big sleeps.

I also went through a stage with DS where I put him to sleep in his pram through the day so I could quickly rock him back off to sleep when he stirred. Just do whatever works at the time

[luscious Laura]

what seems to be the most obvious question is why can't you boob your babe to sleep?

if you are co-sleeping anyway, what's the big whoop!??!

you just sleep with one boob out and sleep through all your babe's night feeds. at that age they will be growing and having important developmental leaps and just need a bit of extra milk iin the night and maybe just a bit of extra mumma time too.

if you really want to not have a crying babe and get all the sleep you and your babe need... feed him to sleep. very simple solution.

[Sweet Bliss]

I have been trying to make an effort to put DS to bed awake, and also to try and read the signs a bit more about when he is actually just tired....not hungry!!
I had been struggling to get DS to sleep (0nce he is asleep for the night he sleeps for 10-12hours straight, so not complaints there), he would fall asleep on the breast, and then as soon as i put him down in his cot he would wake up, so i would feed him more, he would fall asleep again...then I would put him down and then bam awake again...and then the cycle continued ect.
I have been trying to take a step back and realise that okay, he is full of milk, he has a clean nappy and he is warm, so really he is just now way overtired and so no, he doesn't need more booby to go to sleep! And then I just hand him to DH....lol. Dh has him asleep in about 2 minutes by walking around with him, and he puts him in his cot.....he opens his eyes and looks around for a while and then falls asleep with no crying........I think that DS has figured out the DH doesn't have Boobies so there is no point in crying and he might as well go to sleep!!
I have also found that at DS's creche, they never feed and then put straight to sleep, they all go to sleep a good 1/2 an hour after a feed and they pat them to sleep.....and they all sleep like little angels for hours!

[thepixie]

I forgot about this thread.... suppose I should pop back in and say that DD's sleeping pattern went from completely off the scale impossible to pretty fine almost overnight without me doing anything. One night she was up so many times I lost count and was about to check into the funny farm from long term sleep deprivation, the next she woke up twice (which by then was bliss) and went back to sleep easily. The next two nights she slept through. Even with a bout of tonsilitis on the go at the moment she is sleeping through or waking once. There is hope... keep the faith! Although when we are home she usually feeds to sleep because its my quick and reliable method of getting her to sleep ...