Hi all,
This is my first post on BB and I really need some help / advice / reassurance etc!!!
My 10 month old baby girl is waking up every night, several times a night for the last 2 months. At one point she was not sleeping longer than 20 minutes so as you can imagine I am absolutely exhausted. The last few weeks she is waking up at around midnight or a bit later and will not go back in her cot for the rest of the night. I cuddle her and settle her and she goes back to sleep but as soon as I put her down, bang, she's crying again. My solution is to bring her to bed with me but this always leads to me breastfeeding her. I don't have a problem with this as I love BF her, but I just feel confused as to whether I am doing the right thing. All along this journey of parenthood so far, we have gone with our instincts, comforted her when she's upset and ignored all those who say I making a rod for my own back. But all of a sudden I am now doubting myself and I feel really really confused. My instincts are telling me that she isn't really that upset during the night, she just gets more upset when I put her back down, I am wondering now whethe the night feeds are becoing a habit (esp seeing as she was sleeping through at 7 weeks!) and although Im happy to sleep wtih her I don't know if I am committed enough to start something that I can't carry through till she's 5 or whenever!! On the other hand I cannot leave her to cry, I worry about the impact of all those stress hormones when she's upset, and the implications on her when she's older (yes Ive read The Science of Parenting!). I feel trapped between a routine parent and a true gentle parent, am feeling the pressure of friends suggesting CC and sleep school, am desparately tired and basically confused and lacking in confidence at the moment...my instincs are failing me!!!
I am so sorry for the ridiculously long post and I also know that my problem is not unique so I hope it doesn't apear that I am whinging or feeling sorry for myself...I guess I am just looking for a litte reassurance!
Wish I had some advice for you, but my DD is similar (although not waking as often as yours) she wakes usually three or four times after bedtime. One or two of these may be before we go to bed, so she is waking me usually twice a night. I am the same, I go to her and take her into our bed, or usually the couch and BF her back to sleep. She also slept through from 10 weeks to 5 months and now I feel like our sleep habits are a disaster and an uninterrupted night's sleep seems a distant dream. The girls in my MG are happy to leave their babies to cry but I don't feel comfortable with that, especially as I often find her standing in her cot. If it is just a little grizzle I wait to see if she will go back to sleep obviously, but once I go in, she won't be satisfied until she gets a BF. Hopefully someone has some wisdom to impart!
my DS has never been a great sleeper but i remember his day sleeps deteriorating at 5 months and his night sleeps really getting worse at 8 months. before that he'd always go to sleep no problems (though staying asleep wasn't so easy). separation anxiety kicks in at around 8 months, along with teething, learning to get around etc etc. so much is going on with bubs - they may need a bit more reassurance. unfortunately for us, they may need that reassurance during the night too
one thing i've learned is that things change so much with bubs from week to week, month to month. for me, it's easiest to respond to bub's needs with whatever works at the time. don't stress too much. i'm sure you won't be bfing to sleep when your DD is 6.
the science of parenting is a great book - just remind yourself of all those things that you're putting in place for the long term when it's so hard in the short term.
good luck - remember you're not alone. most of us are sleep-deprived and hoping for that elusive uninterrupted sleep too
Parenting is so hard, especially when you're sleep deprived. I also fall in that gap between regular parenting and a really gentle approach and find myself loosing confidence when things aren't so rosy. The only thing I have learnt though is that my baby hasn't read all those books that I have and it really isn't any one else's business how I parent. So I think you have to do what is right for you right now...if that means co-sleep and bfeed all night then do that! I think stressing about the impact of our parenting on our children in the future sometimes adds to the burden also...I don't believe in creating a rod for your own back. Meeting your babies needs at this time is all you can really do to get through...Motherhood is about survival...trying to get through with our sanity and a happy healthy bubba.
Sorry for the ramble, but I am in a pretty similar place to you right now...
Cazzie ~ Big Hugs for you hun. I am in EXACTLY the same position as you! Seven who is 10months, also does not sleep very well at all. I tried letting her CIO once and never again. It was horrid and it didn't work anyway.
She has never been a great sleeper, and lately I am so tired, I even find myself wondering if BF is really worth it, then, daytime comes, and I see how happy and healthy she is, and I realise that yes, it is.
It is normal to feel this way especially being so sleep deprived. We are currently trying to get Seven to sleep in her cot, but I find myself having to get up every hour to settle her again and that is just ridiculous, so I too end up bringing her back into bed with us, which inevitably leads to me BF her whenever she cries.
We kind of need her to go a bit longer at night because as of July, I am starting a new job, from home, but at night, so I need to have that time to work.
I would quite happily continue feeding her and have her co-sleep until the cows come home, but it's becoming a BF vs Sanity thing, as I get little to no sleep each night.
I know none of this has helped you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and if ever you need to talk, we are all here for you, even at 4am when you feel like the walls are closing in.
Chin up hunny, she will be all grown up before you know it.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
It has been so wonderful to get up after another rough night and read all four of your replies. Thank you to each of you for your words of wisdom, encourgaement and support. It is so reassuring to know that there are others out there going through the same tough times but also experiencing the same dliemas. I think sometimes it's hard to hear direct advice from people about what they think you should do, but much more useful to be told that it's normal to be feeling the way youre feeling and that's exactly what you girls have done. What a great forum this is, I shall definitely be posting up here again.
good luck to all of you going through teh same thing and calebsmum, i hope you manage to get some more sleep before you start work. i definitely know what you mean about it being a BF v sanity thing. As anna said, it's all about survival so lets all just hang on in there
thanks again for the lovely chat x
ps DD now napping so I am going to close my eyes!
Help with 10 month old night waking
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