HELP!!!! My 20 month old hits and bites

[Cass72]

I'm one of "those" parents...

People see me and DS2 walk into the room at childcare and pick up their children. I was near to tears this morning whe I dropped him off. He was the model of perfection when we first got there. A couple of children arrived and he was still okay. Once the room was quite crowded he started with the hitting and trying to bite.

The childcare centre policy does not allow "time out" yet from what I've read that seems to be the only thing that will work. I have a meeting with them shortly to try and discuss some tactics.

What I'm concerned about is, how soon do you know if your child has behavioural problems? He's active (very active) - climbs, runs, is in to everything. He's what my grandmother calls "a real boy". I've tried all sorts of things with the biting. Last night I told him "please don't bite mummy" when he went in for a chomp. He pointed to my arm and said "bite". ???????? Did that mean, he wanted to take a bite? was sorry for the bite? or just repeating the word 'bite'?

Sorry - it's a bit garbled but I just wanted to know if anyone has had similar experiences and what they did to help them stop.

[Miss E]

I couldn't read and not post hun. We've been through a few biting and hitting phases. The way I handle it is when he bites or hits I make sure I have his attention and eye contact and say 'we don't bite, biting hurts, you don't like it when you get hurt do you' etc. But for this to work they have to know what 'hurts' means. So I also used to make a point of using the word 'hurt' when he hurt himself so he could begin to understand.

I also find it good to talk about emotions etc. For example, when you feel sad you cry, it doesn't feel good to feel sad etc. Then you can relate this back to feeling sad when someone hurts you etc etc.

But there is no quick fix. At that age they're learning so much about the world. I personally think the best thing you can do is keep talking to them and help them to understand pain, emotions, being kind. As they get older they start to get it. HTH

ETA: It's probably also worth talking to his carers about how they recommend handling it. I know the ones at our centre have some amazing techniques for these common toddler issues. When a child hurts another child, they tend to shower the injured child with attention and ignore the one who hit/bit. I think that's because they view hitting and biting as a means for getting attention.

[Cass72]

Thanks Miss E - getting their full attention (eye contact) can be challenge at this age, but we perservere. Sometimes it just feels like it's never going to end.

[QUOTE=Miss E;2973538ETA: It's probably also worth talking to his carers about how they recommend handling it. I know the ones at our centre have some amazing techniques for these common toddler issues. When a child hurts another child, they tend to shower the injured child with attention and ignore the one who hit/bit. I think that's because they view hitting and biting as a means for getting attention.[/QUOTE]

Our centre has the same approach. They also praise him when he does something good so he's not only getting attention for biting.

[MumtoA]

DD (18 months) has also started biting. I have found that she is particularly worse when she is tired/sick or if there is a big crowd of people around - so usually a good combination for day care! you aqre doing every thing that you can and thats the main thing i reckon...THIS TO WILL PASS!

One thing that i have encouraged DD to do is bite her elmo (her soft toy) if she feels the need to bite and when she it hitting i get her to squeeze it in a big hug as hard as she can. This has definitely helped and i have noted that she is now biting less - not sure if it's a coincidence or if it ha actually helped! not sure if this is a good or a bad thing but it has helped so thought it worth a mention!!

good luck!

[Cass72]

I spoke to the director at the childcare centre and also the main carer in DS2's room.

I must say that I do feel a lot better.

They aren't concerned at all with his hitting as they don't believe that he is "hitting". When he does this it's usually to a smaller child or one who is crying and it seems to be that he's actually trying to comfort - he just comforts a little too hard, so they are trying to modify that to a gentle touch by teaching him the difference.

Biting?! Well, he seems to be the kid that ticks every box on biting: experimental biting; biting from frustation; biting because of feeling powerless; biting under stress; biting for attention..... so it's a bit hard to pin down to what will trigger it. They gave me a flyer to read on biting but told me that it doesn't really tell you anything.

They are just going to continue to monitor his behaviour and use the strategies they have in place and, well, basically just hope that it stops.

How many times have mum's (and dad's) on here said: this too shall pass!

[Miss E]

I
How many times have mum's (and dad's) on here said: this too shall pass!

And it will... Glad you are feeling a little better about it.