I have always dreaded the "terrible twos" . . . I'm not the most patient of people and I know I'm going to find it very difficult to deal with. Now it seems like it's starting already!
Kai is showing signs of my terrible temper - gets frustrated with something and starts chucking things around, if I try to take things away before he can throw them, he tries to go for my hand! A couple of times he has hit L and I on the chest. Not that hard, but definately in anger.
What should I do? On the one hand I think, he's too young to teach about 'wrong' emotions and, because he can't speak, he is communicating the only way he can. Also, If we pay too much attention to his temper, is it going to become an attention-seeking tool later on? On the other hand should we "nip it in the bud" as I've been advised? If so, how do you do that?
Any thoughts/advice/experience gratefully received!
PS: Perhaps I should clarify. . . . when I say I have a terrible temper; I get frustrated and irritated pretty quickly. I'm not in the habit of throwing things, hitting things, shouting and swearing!!
Last edited by Jaapie; July 24th, 2007 at 07:00 AM.
: clarification
No such thing as "nipping it in the bud" darl... this is a situation that every parent has to deal with... and the best way to deal with it is by positve role modelling when YOU are being frustrated. Good luck
ETA: sorry, I probably should elaborate. When you feel angry instead of letting it manifest as a tantrum or yelling etc try taking a deep breath and trying to sort out the problem calmly. You child will observe and follow. there is a good book called "How To behave So that Your Children Will". Highly recommended.
My DD has certainly shown signs of frustration and will yell or make annoyed noises when her toy doesn't do what she wants it to. She often throws her toys around too. Sometimes when I can see what is frustrating her I help her out or guide her to another activity.
She shows the whole gamut of emotions including anger and I've been thumped a number of times. Generally I tell her in a quiet but firm voice that is not the way to behave and we work it out, she either ends up on the floor for play by herself or a cuddle depending on what has led to the outburst.
Each child IMO is different, so each child has different triggers, not only that but each stage of development also allows for new triggers Sometimes tantrums can be sleep related or hunger related, or feeling a lack of power (say when told no or not being given a choice in a situation) or sometimes they are just emotional outbursts just because they are learning and its part of that curve.
For me I do try to minimise the triggers for a tantrum but this is only something that can be done after you've figured out what type of tantrum your child is having or has on a regular basis Depends on the time of day as to what type of tantrum Seth is having if its around 11 its tired, if its around 5 its hunger related. Anywhere between that and its a power struggle but I'm lucky in that if I deal with it straight away and talk him through it then praise him when he starts to calm down it lasts less than a minute. If for example daddy who may not realise the cause or trigger of the tantrum tries to ignore it, it escalates. Perfect example of preventing a tantrum is: We have a coonara and I would often go outside to get some wood, he wanted to come with me but as he could take off up to the road I didn't allow it. Now instead of me saying No when he's at the door and him throwing himself on the floor and crying I would pre warn him what I am going to do and tell him to wait there, I would also praise him as I'm going out the door so he knows he's doing the right thing. No tantrum. However when I forget to do this and I just go straight for the door he's not going to know I'm going to get wood even if I've done it a million times before he's just going to think I'm going outside and he wants to come too. When I squash his dreams and hopes he gets upset. Kids don't always know why things are happening even if its the 100th time its happened and this often leads to upset and confusion which causes the tantrum. When he gets older and talking isn't enough I will then ask him not to tantrum before he does and when he doesn't praise him. Kids can't know how to act if we don't tell them, its good to ask them not to do something but its even better to show them what to do
One of my other favourites is the elevator/pedestrian walk button the amount of tantrums I've seen over them because a stranger presses the button (this is obviously for the 3-4 yr old range) where as I would always say to Paris if I saw someone else approaching "I think that person is going to press the button so you can press the button on the inside or you can press it anyway etc etc".
Its almost like you have to think like a kid and be a psychic but if you can master it it does work! Of course there are times when children have tantrums because you aren't always going to know the triggers but if you can provide them with a safe calm environment to show their emotions and reward them for calming down with praise and a cuddle they may lessen (not always completely go). And if it frustrates you try to change the perception, when a baby makes a mess with their food we don't get cross and think they are trying to mess up our clean house. Same goes for a tantrum they don't happen because they are trying to punish us its because this is their current outlet and they don't know how to deal with their emotions. Its our job to show them a better outlet
This is my opinion anyway.
ETA: Forgot to mention that with regards to throwing and hitting we be firm and say "We don't hit" or "We don't throw" and I'll often try and catch before (you can generally tell when its about to happen) and if he stops we'll praise him. I do think this is serious behaviour so I do tend to be firmer with it (you know the voice LMAO). And if he hits me I put him down straight away. And if he throws a toy its confiscated instantly. Another thing we say is "Gentle. Be Gentle" thats a favourite phrase LOL!
*hugs*
Cailin
Last edited by Rouge; July 25th, 2007 at 10:47 PM.
Lol Cai, River hears that every day 'gentle sweetheart'. And 'no biting'
This is such a good question Tracey, River's 3 months behind your bubba, but I'm starting to see him be a bit more wilful about things, and he definitely cracks it these days!
I'll try to work on my role modelling hey. Maybe that's why he sleeps a lot!!
Thanks Cailin! Great advice. I'm feeling more confident now . . . I found it quite shocking and upsetting at first to see such anger in my sweet little baby! But I'm getting more used to it and am recognising the different triggers now. It seems that diversion and explaining beforehand are the two big tactics. I like your wording . . . "WE don't hit" . . . so he realises it's not just a rule for him.
Help! One year old temper
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Sometimes tantrums can be sleep related or hunger related, or feeling a lack of power (say when told no or not being given a choice in a situation) or sometimes they are just emotional outbursts just because they are learning and its part of that curve.
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