how to stop saying NO!

**boomba** · September 30th, 2008, 08:13 PM

We have never wanted to go down the path of continually saying no, but as Myles gets older he is in to everything. It seems like all i am saying to him is no! Its breaking my heart! I thought i would say it a couple of times and he would understand and leave it at. But he repeatedly goes back to the drawers or to chew on shoes over again. He thinks its a game

I have tried to child proof the house as much as i can but he just somehow manages to get into the tightest spots! Its sometimes cute but other times totally dangerous!

What else can i do to make him understand without using no! I know he is only one, well tomorrow he is one, but will this mean he will be like this forever?

Help! x

**maz** · September 30th, 2008, 08:18 PM

**** its like stepping back in time...i had the same problem with my first...drove me insane...but this is about you not me

have you tried methods of distraction? Asking him to come here or leave that alone with a simple head shake?

I found saying no draining but then I worked out if I said it 3 times and by the third time he was still doing it, I would pick him up and remove him away from the situation. If he went back I said a firm NO and did the whole pointing finger whilst waving it in the air with alook of distaste on my face.

Its hard but you need to find what he doesnt like and use that as means of getting him to stop. If its raising your voice or giving him 'that' look.

Oh and jsut to let you know...my 8 y.o...my first...still dame well touches everything!

**boomba** · September 30th, 2008, 08:31 PM

Thanks Maz!
He is just so inquisitve! I try to say no a couple of times then i will remove him or try to get him to come away, but the minute i go to do something he is back over there doing it again argh! If i raise my voice he does get a bit sooky so maybe thats a go? I also say ah uh but he now copies me! god i love him to death buts its so darn tiring!

Oh and jsut to let you know...my 8 y.o...my first...still dame well touches everything

haha so I have no hope then lol!

x

Ellibam · September 30th, 2008, 08:34 PM

we say stop instead of no. i read a book that had all the different adult meanings of no so it confuses the heck out of them (just think of all the different contexts you use it in)
it is hard to re train your self but it is worth it. stop has one meaning! STOP
then you can ask him not to touch to move away

**Ozziehoffy** · September 30th, 2008, 08:35 PM

Oh I hear ya!! Sometimes I say uh uh and other times I'll tell him that touching whatever is ta for mummy/daddy or that it's not something for him to play with ... mix it up a bit. They do actually get the idea - not that they stop though...lol. A lot of the time I use the.. that's ta for mummy/daddy and remove him and try to get him to find another toy or let's go outside and play.

**boomba** · September 30th, 2008, 08:36 PM

Hey thats a good idea thanks Ellibugs! Thats so true about all the different meanings of no! have never thought of like that before!
Cass yeah we try to do that too! Maybe its becuse i am so conscious that i am saying no that it seems like more often than it is iykwim!
Thanks x

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · September 30th, 2008, 08:37 PM

I use "no" when needed. DS now uses "no" - he starts to empty the kitchen cupboards and I hear this "noonoonoonoonoo" noise! He knows it's naughty but he doesn't have the self-control not to do it. Same as going behind the TV. We have very few "no" times at home, but I don't baby proof the home. I usually try "Liebling, do good boys hit the TV? Are you a good boy? Do you hit the TV? Would you like to come and use the hammer on the toy here?" I wait for him to say no, yes, no, yes - and the toy is one usually one you can use a hammer on, like a xylophone or a shape-sorter with hammer. I let him decide what is acceptable behaviour (after telling him a few times previously) and he's pretty good with it - but then, he knows he's a good boy!

The only time I have to shout "NO!" and stop him right away rather than let him stop himself or distract him is usually by a road or if he is going to attack another child. But after I've stopped him I'll still go through the "Is it good boy to hit? Are you good boy?" routine.

Each child is different and this may not work, but letting DS set his own rules (which I have already set for him) works wonders and it will help when he's older and establishing his own boundaries when I'm not there.

**BhoysGirl** · September 30th, 2008, 08:40 PM

Amber,

firstly, happy 1st Birthday to Myles, and congrats for making it through the first year!

My DS has 2 main ways of dealing with me saying no - he's either selectively deaf or turns around and smiles cheekily at me before he tries again. But sometimes he does listen, and then I give him lots of praise & tell him what a clever good boy he is. When he doesn't listen, I just distract him or take him away, which often results in about 10 seconds of objection, but he usually gets over it pretty quickly, especially if I take a couple of minutes time with him to absorb him in a better alternative activity. They're still a few months away from developing impulse control, so even if they kind of understand "no" at 12 months they still can't stop themselves. Which is helpful to remember, because it's not that they're naughty, but that they really can't help themselves yet, which is why we need to step in.

The other way that I deal with it all, is to only worry about the things that are really dangerous to him, or that I really really don't want him doing. It's cliche, but I try not to worry about the "small stuff", as I find that me being relaxed about most things seems to make him relaxed & happy (at least I hope he is) and when I do step in he knows I'm serious. These days it sometimes only takes a tone of voice to make him realise that I'm not happy, then I get the wobbly chin/my heart is breaking face - so cute, although I'm trying to be very careful about not making it happen unnecessarily.

**visitor1** · September 30th, 2008, 08:46 PM

I think i said it so often that Chelsea now says (when she knows what she is doing is wrong or not allowed) 'No Mummy'...but still continues to do what ever it is

Or is Jasmine is doing the wrong thing Miss C pipes up with 'No sisshy' or 'Nordy sisshy'..lol so she does understand what NOT to do...just doesnt listen!

I just have to say 'Jasmine' and Jas instantly stops!!!