Swimming lessons

[HKBess]

my DD is 3 1/2 and has started swimming lessons, without me also in the water. The first lesson went well, except at the end where she jumped into the water and I think got a fright (judging by the crying, but she can't tell me exactly what happened). However, she did say that she wanted to go swimming again.
So come second lesson all was going well, she was asking when it would be her turn, getting herself dressed, but when she had to leave me and get in the water she started crying, kicking and screaming and unable to tell me why she didn't want to get in.

And here's my question, the pool's solution is to have me in another room and her crying in the pool telling her "mummy will come back when you stop crying". This is so not what I want. She should have the confidence to go swimming.

Any ideas / views on how to achieve this?

[Ginger]

so they won't let you go in with her at all?

i'm not sure i would be too happy with the pool's solution tbh. doesn't seem fair to me.

[Chocaholic]

Can you sit on the edge of the pool with your feet dangling in? That way you are close and 'in the pool' but not actually in there with her. Would that be close enough for her to feel comfortable?

[Haydies]

"mummy will come back when you stop crying"

I hate that mentality. My FIL tried to pull the same thing with me when he took DD out of my arms for a cuddle, and wouldn't give her back until she stopped crying. Needless to say it didn't go down well, and FIL soon learnt what it was like to have something snatched out of his arms.

Anywho...

Like the above, could you get in the water with her until she feels safer? Or at least sit on the edge and be close by? If they don't allow it with the swimming lesson, perhaps go back just the two of you and have a fun swim?

Sounds like she did get a fright when she jumped off. One idea might be to play around that angle... say you're in the water and she can jump into your arms. First try catching her without letting her head go under, then lead to having her jump in on her own and you grabbing her after she lands etc?

[Phteven]

Is there another swim school nearby with a mother and baby class?
At the swim school we use they don't go in the water alone until they're comfortable in the water and ok with having an instructor.

[HKBess]

no they won't let me in the water once she went up to the kinder level, which really threw me.

The feet idea sounds good. I might get DD to do it with me before the lesson starts and take it from there. thx heaps

[HKBess]

also, I think I will start to look into another school, and check out their policy of me swimming with her.

[MantaRay]

That doesn't sound right to me. I would look around for another swim school. Also take her in with you a few times as well for fun, outside of swimming lesson and see how that goes.

I used to be "scared to put my head under" as a child and no-one could ever figure out why. The reason was because one time I went under backwards and got that awful "water up the nose" feeling. I thought that happened everytime you put your head under, so I wouldn't do it. It took years to overcome. Just a thought in case that's what happened.

[mako]

Hi
From a swimming teacher point of view, you should be allowed to be in the same area as your daughter. I don't know of any swim schools here that don't allow parents in iykwim.
Sounds like your DD did get a big fright when she jumped in so I'd ask the teacher to hold your DD's hands and help her jump in so she starts to get her confidence back.
Also the pool that I teach at don't allow parents to get in unless its in the Baby Class which have children up to the age of 2-2 1/2.

Remember that if you are not happy with the teacher you are allowed to request another person to teach your DD and if that doesn't help maybe try another swim school or even pull her out for a while to give her a break and try again in a couple of months.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like anymore info

[mbear]

Baby steps - thats what they should be doing. Your daughter is at the older end of their morning classes probaby, reason they wouldnt let you in - no excuse by any means. I would talk to the mgr, or whomever looks after the centre, and request the swim teacher take it really slow....
My DD#1 had an unfortuante incident about 2 years ago where she was petrified of water, just terrible, she went from being confident in the water to screaming much like you described. The swim school agreed to meet with her every friday afternoon for 30 mins free of charge, one -on -one to get her used to the water. Took 4 fridays.
Ask, ask, ask......just coz your daughter isnt behaving as 'they would like' doesnt mean you cant ask for alternatives...
good luck - if they care, they will make arrangements that suit you and your DD.

[Ozziehoffy]

I have cancelled the swim school we were going to go to with Oskar because of his reaction... he'd previously been to a different school and they changed the class time which didn't fit in with him... he didn't even get in the water at the new school - he freaked out when he went in the pool area as it was inside a HUGE clear plastic type tent. I posted here and yep, went with gut feeling that something just didn't feel right. I didn't want him to end up with a bad water association or a fear. If you have that feeling about what they want you to do then I think you should look at other schools. Has she had lessons before now or is this just the start of them? BTW, I think what they've suggested is really wrong!! For a start it's a bit like disciplining isn't it.... when you stop crying you can have...... wrong! I hope that you get it sorted out.

Mako, your suggestion sounds great!

[Mum0809]

the pool's solution is to have me in another room and her crying in the pool telling her "mummy will come back when you stop crying".

That is WRONG. When I was 5 a dentist said this to me but it was not my mum, my dad with me. I never forgot it. If I remembered the dentist name I would go let him know what I thought of him. I anyone ever tries this with my son they will quickly find out it is not on.

I would find another school or teacher, or put your foot down that if your daughter needs you that you are going to be there not in another room. Also spending time in the pool with your daughter outside lesson time might help.

[~Saram~]

I'll start off by saying our swimming lesson journey was not a happy one but it does have a happy ending so I have a few ideas for you.

Most swim schools start doing child only lessons around this time however their "solution" is certainly not ideal and if you aren't comfortable with it then it certainly isn't going to work - remember you are paying them not the other way around. Insist that you sit beside the pool or get in with her and go through the motions with the swim teacher until she can trust the teacher again. If they aren't happy with this then certainly find a different school. We went through quite a few before we found one that worked with us. I'm not saying that our journey was without tears and struggles but it resulted in ahappy little boy who is quite confident in the water now

[Liz]

We've just gone up a class this term, where I don't have to get in with DS. Well, he's hating it LOL.. so I'm getting back in with him next week so we can wean him off me! NEVER was it suggested that I leave entirely. I was squatting down next to him at the pool edge, followed him up the pool to meet him at the other end etc. We gave it 2 goes.. coz often he just takes a while to get used to things.. but yeah, the instructor suggested I get back in the pool. Bit of a pain LOL.. now I have to find someone to help with Kayla, and I was hoping to get in with her next term. Aah well. We'll see how we go.

But yeah.. I'd look for another school, and definitely go swimming inbetween lessons to keep the fun element in swimming.

[Kazmar]

Annabelle started swimming at 6months, every saturday. So of course daddy is in the pool with her (mummy every second wkend due to daddy working ) So I haven't had this problem. But I would NEVER let them tell you this is ok. when did a child begging for mummy become the 'solution'. You sit in that room and cheer her on! You support would help much more

[Smoke Jaguar]

Where in Melb are you? I go to the best baby and kids swimming school ever and I can PM the details if you are in the East? There's at least one other BB member who goes there who can vouch for my appraisal!! They would NEVER ever ever determine that it's better for her to get used to the water without an adult she trusts - EVER! It's the basis of fun in the water and of safety...trust! When parents try to be hard@rses, the teachers don't like it and get them to go back to the trust.

[Marlene]

the pool's solution is to have me in another room and her crying in the pool telling her "mummy will come back when you stop crying".

I just wanted to add how angry that attitude makes me!! How dare the swimming teacher even suggest that...ggrrrrrr....It is like they are saying mummy will only be around and love you if you are a good girl.

You have been given lots of good advice here, but only you can decide what is best for your little darling.

[HKBess]

firstly, thank you for you wonderful ideas and support. We've had 3 lessons and DD is now all smiles and confidently gets into the water for her lesson,(though jumping in will take a bit longer) she's even looking forward to next week and wants to do the holiday programme.

We spent time talking of swimming and reading books (Swim little wombat swim being a favourite), watching the swimming and diving at the Olympics; and going along to the pool to watch her older cousin's class. And talking to the teacher of our concerns. We also gave her the choice of what she wanted to do. She still wanted to go to lessons.

First lesson back all ok till she went to get into the pool, so I got in with her for the start. Second lesson she let the teacher carry her in and by the end of that lesson you could tell that she had her confidence back. While she won't jump in the deep end, the teachers are understanding and getting her to slide instead, and we're all ok with that.