Discussions with DHs re homebirth

[lilmisshavachat]

Congratulations again on your BFP Ruth.. So unfair to have DH say no now... I would ring a homebirth midwife and ask about a preliminary appointment and any obligation.. I would explain the situation about DH and they may be able to aproach the subject in a way that allays his fears if he will meet them at all.. If you can get the book "A thinking woman's guide to a better birth" I bought it online at BB.. It has a lot of facts and research backed information on C/S and how all the interventions lead toward having one.. At the end of each section it gives you pros and cons of different models of care... I don't know about you but if I have to fight my DH for a homebirth I'm going to tell him that when he has read as much as I have about the subject then he can bring me facts to change my mind... Good luck hun.. I hope you get the outcome you desire.. Maybe book into a birthing centre now so that there will be options down the track but you can always cancel that if you can talk DH around...

[Kitt3n]

oh hun - looks like i have to write up my birth story now, i believe my mw saved me !! dh def wants a hb next time too.....

bbl - baby needs me

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Ruth my lovely, who is giving birth?
You are.

Who gets to tell people about labour starting?
You have to tell the first person, although I admit it can go pear-shaped after that.

Who gets to chose if she sees a midwife while her husband is at work and not tell her DH if he keeps being stupid?
You do.

If you want to know my reasoning, check out my birth de-briefings.

[Tegam]

DH was totally against it. i just said that i refused to try to convince him it was safe. i said i knew it was safe and i supplied him with all the positive research. i then said that it was up to him to find the stats as to why we shouldnt birth at home... this worked well as i knew he wouldnt bother. my ob for the last hospital bub said "oh thats great - you would be the perfect candidate for a home birth" so that ended up helping. and its 40 weeks, by the end of it he thought it was his idea LOL i dont think he would want me to birth in hospital again now!...

[Smoke Jaguar]

I'm kinda seeing the HB as my reward for surviving IVF.

Absolutely! How many women have IVF for their longed for baby, only to mistakenly think a private OB is the 'best care' for their child, not wanting to 'take risks' and end up with the biggest risk to that child's life i.e. interventions and a likely caesar? Too many
Listen, I know you don't want to be confrontational with your DH, so I suggest taking on what RF is saying and tucking that into your head, whilst being firm and sweet with DH and saying "Hun, I want to birth this baby via homebirth and I'd much rather have your support about it than your opposition so that this can be a peaceful pregnancy and peaceful birth". That way, you tell him that you are not wavering and that you are offering him the chance to come on this journey with you, instead of meeting him at the end once he's taken the bus and you've gone the forest walk. Sorry about that metaphor...it's all I can think of!
Anyway, my DP was against HB for cost reasons (surely, the biggest opposition of all!) and I've pretty much been firm and consistent and very gentle, telling him that it is quite significant to me to do this next time and that I will find a way to do it. Initially I fell in line with his opposition to using the baby bonus, and now he knows that if government policies aren't going our way by the time I'm UTD again, I'm willing to use that free money to pay for an even more 'zen' birth the second time round.
Firm, gentle consistency might be your key
BTW DP is on board now and has resigned himself to a new reality. All we have to do now is research the cheapest option. Next hurdle is convincing him to hire my friend (also one of the BB doulas) to be a doula - he doesn't think we need one...

[Tegam]

i remember i also said to DH that there was no way i could do it without his support....and that really upset and disappointed me that he would say no to something so important to me without any real reason, when i had support him in all he had wanted with his career....i said that mothering is my career and i will only get to birth a limited amount of times....

[Cricket]

I think that a lot of men are scared by the whole birth thing. They've heard so many stories about pain, blood, fainting, screaming and swearing, "near-death-experiences", and "if-we-hadn't-been-at-the-hospital-they-would-have-died", from who knows where. So they want the two people they love most in the world - wife and baby - to be as safe as they can make them! And what could be safer than the hospital, right?! Wouldn't you have thought that if you hadn't done your own reading and research? I know I did.
Many men are a little bewildered by how a woman's body works at the best of times, let alone during child-birth, and so they want the "professionals" to handle this. And, given the way homebirth and private midwives are generally viewed by the media, it's no wonder that men don't see this as a good option.
So, I think that as the previous posts have said, gentle education is the best option. Show them the failings of the current system, and the options that are out there. Show them the statistics and current research on homebirth. I don't think most of the guys out there are really out to be idiots about birth - they love you and want you to be safe. The thing is to convince them that you are safe, even safer, at home.