Cass no mobile? How! Do u think u guys will go again? Belly buddies with me? Lol maybe I'm jumping the gun
Printable View
Cass no mobile? How! Do u think u guys will go again? Belly buddies with me? Lol maybe I'm jumping the gun
Hey girls, I wanted to post a question for you all that I have posted over in the VBAC thread. I just wanted you advice on it. So here is what I wrote there......
So I am planning A HBAC and have a great midwife and Doula. I also have a gf who has hb'd herself coming over to be support for my DD who is 2 and possibly take her away if either of us needs that (me or DD I mean). Today I was offered free birth photography from a girl I know who does beautiful work, and who I know gets the kind of birth I want, so I don't think she would be intrusive. But I just wonder how many is too many people present??
I really believe in intuitive birth and I think that women shouldn't feel watched or judged whilst birthing. Or really feel worried about other peoples needs as I did in my last birth. I am also conscious of the words of some of the wise out there like Michel Odent and Gloria Lemay who believe that lots of watching and lots of people really interrupts the birth process. So whilst I want to have this girl there I wonder if it is too many??
What do those of you who have had VBAC's think?
I am not a shy person, but I am instinctively private. I will be putting up sheets around my birth space to make it private for myself, so I am not conscious of watching gazes. In my heart I would be happy to have this girl at my birth, I am just not sure if it is wise.
Thoughts ladies??
Great question Bella, cos i am in a similar situation with a friend who has asked/offered to take photos at my birth. AT the moment, i am leaning towards not asking her to the birth but possibly asking her to come after bub has been born or just in the early days. I will probably just see how i feel on the day.
I have reached the 3rd trimester today too!
Congrats on reaching the third trimester hot1 !!! I just did too. Very exciting :).
Bella, I'm going to have my doula and second m/w take some photos for me. It'll never come out on film as I remember it anyway IMO. I'll just leave the cameras there and anyone not busy can snap away whenever they get a chance.
I'm not sure about my space needs, but I'd rather not have to organise anything else or have to phone yet another person.
Bella: i guess it depends on how you feel about your birth space and how you imagine and who you imagine there. that said, you may feel entirely different on the day and send everyone off packing lol. next time i will think hard about whether to get a real photographer in as i really want to have that recorded. i also WILL have a video done. i would love to see that as i have never witnessed a birth...only been through them lol.
so i guess in a round-about way what i am saying is YES! i would if i felt close enough and she knew the preciousness that is the birth space.
Oh I would totally love photos of one of my births. In saying that I believe at your own home with chosen people its ok to have them there, I only think its an issue when u r being watched in a judging way. I mean I had more people watch me at my first birth but I chose them and felt safe. At Molly's birth I had a lot if people watching and I felt really violated. If I have another birth I would get photos so the moment is remembered, maybe even video but it would be by someone close and in my space. I have no idea if I have just made sense. Sorry lol
Congrats on the last tri girls. Not long now!
Cass, next time??!! Go on, you make beautiful babies. I challenge you to get a third September babe lol.
Yay for Ash and Loulabelle for getting the hb's sorted and to those reaching the third trimester.
well you did have to throw down the gauntlet didnt you :ROFL::
i swear i must only ovulate once a year lol
Cass, thanks for the reminder about the video. I will leave the video camera out and charged too. I don't plan on having another opportunity to record a birth of mine!
I ordered the book "Hello Baby" today for my DD. Think i might ask my midwife if she has any big people books i can read. Think i need to start getting into baby-birthing mode.
One of my belly-buddies gave birth to her little girl sleeping yesterday. So heartbreaking.
How is everyone else doing?
How is Eutra...?, i think you are next on the list.
:babyneutral: Babies Arrived :baby:
~Stoked~- August
Pip82 - September
Artechim - September
:pregnant: Babies On Their Way :bellyrubs:
eutra_phalia - November
Brogeybear- November
Bella29 - January
Jennifer13 - January
HotI - January
Beansbeans - January
*Ash*- February
loulabelle - February
Sara - May
...Em - May
I swear I only shag once a year lol:
HotI, sorry to hear about your belly buddy :(
:rofl::
How do you handle someone close to you whose views and voices have the potential to mess with your head? Today it was, 'this bub is going to be so much bigger ....' (bcos i am big this time (i was big last time too)). Other times it is about 'what if something goes wrong...' I know it comes from a place of concern, but even though i don't share the same beliefs or fears, they still unsettle me at times.
Yes I think it's unrealistic to say peoples comments don't affect us. At least you are aware of it. I thought I was stronger than them and look what happened with Molly's birth.
I think it's just that every pregnant women wants to do the right thing. And when the 'right' thing for our baby isn't the 'normal' thing it scares them as much as their comments scare us. It's like they hear ' you did the wrong thing having your baby at hospital, even if all we have said is 'I'm having my baby at home'.
With Tom I just use to use whatever come back I had in me at the time and it also depended on the audience. Sometimes it was sarcastic. 'well he is out third do it's not like it matters if something goes wrong'. To trying to educate people to just smiling.
Do what you have to for you. There is a huge battle that needs to happen to make home births normal but you have to worry about your fight first.
Hugs hoti
Oh and I am so sorry to hear about your belly buddy. That is tragic for her and also hard for you all in her group.
Hot1 -Other than accepting that people will ask you things that will make you ask questions at times, I have handled my DH's issues this time by asking him for the gift of his positivity about this birth. I asked, that if he did nothing else for me this time, that he protect and support me, by if not being positive, then not being negative. Maybe ask your friend to be supportive of where you are at by just by being protective of your mental state. Make sure you let them know that you have all of your bases covered and you arn't asking them not to question you because you haven't thought it thru, but because you have, your mind is made up and now you just want her/his help to have a great pregnancy. Tell them they can go do the research or get copies of what you have if they are really interested and want to learn.
Can I also say that it is ok for those sort of questions to make you ask yourself questions. Just let yourself ask them without placing a judgement on them. It is ok to have fears and worries about any kind of birth. No matter where you choose to birth their are risks and mums down thru the ages have all worried about themselves and their babies. So it is ok when those thoughts go thru your mind for whatever reason, be it because of a question or just because, for you just to let it come into your mind and then go out again. If I have learnt anything this pregnancy journey, it is that I don't have to be Zen at every moment to be just fine and in a really good place.
I hope that isn't too garbled and makes some sort of sense
XX Bella
PS everyone I have decided to have my friend photograph the birth :)
whoops, double post!
Bells your post was great. And congrats on the photographer.
So well said Bella. I never understood the "what if something happens?" questions. If something happens then we deal with it. You've hired a MW, you have access to ambulances and hospitals... the same issues come up in hospitals. Sometimes things do go wrong, and you deal with it the best you can :dunno:
How are you going Ash??? I hope you have found someone to support you.
I never seem to have the time to post much (and I've moved on to my new GAPS obsession these days) but I still love my HB buddies. I'm so darn clucky to do it again!!
GAPS?
It's funny but if you think about it there are a lot of little hospitals that would ship someone out if anything went wrong, so can you imagine saying to them. .... ' oh have you thought of what could go wrong' oh no that's right. Hospitals a magical places where nothing goes wrong! Lol
That's the thing huh? Hospitals often CAUSE problems but were supposed to worry when we're not in one? I like the car trip analogy. You don't worry about having your hospital and surgeon all lined up every time you go for a drive, but you have more chance of a car accident than you do an emergency in child birth. The plans are made and the back up is there if needed.
Oh phew... I think I've mentioned GAPS in every.single.thread I've written in (including this one now! :lol:) and I was beginning to stress I'm ****ing every one off. But I can't be too bad if you're still unaware of GAPS :lol: GAPS is a healing protocol for psychological and physiological disorders and we're currently healing our eldest son from autism. It's breathtaking and I feel like I've found the holy grail so it's hard to shut up about it.
My midwife just came for Erin's 6 week check. It was her last visit and I cried when she said goodbye :(
Oh I cried at the 6 week check too. Saying goodbye sucks :( :hug:
Oh hugs hun. I'm lucky my midwife is a M&CHN so she does all DD's checks.
Then shout it from the roof tops! :):
Artchim: :( how sad! So when are you going for 4 sep babies ??
oh arte i was also mega emotional when we were formally not seeing our midwife too! i still go along to the HB picnics that they run and catch up and i have given a talk on waterbirth at their info nights...so hard to say goodbye after sharing something so wonderful with them!
I went along to my first HB get together yesterday, with all of the m/ws from the clinic my m/w works with (and some really great experience there - Robyn Dempsey, Jane Palmer et al). It was so good! I got some great ideas on a birth plan in case of transfer and caught up with both of the m/ws that will be attending my DD2's birth. Great to see some other HBing Mums too (there were a fair few).
Next month's topic is siblings at birth, so I am really looking forward to it. And it's only 20 mins from my place and just around the corner from Epacris - perfect excuse to pop in for lunch afterwards. ;)
Baby's head is wedged right down in my pelvis, so I can't see her moving anytime soon. She's currently lying head down facing the LHS. Is this a good position? She's so far down I'll have a lot of trouble getting her to move further around to the front so she's fully anterior! Even the m/w commented at our last visit just how wedged in she is. You can see the bulge her head makes. My tummy growth has slowed down (generally), and while I know there's normally plenty of room at this stage, if I even rest my hands on the top of my fundus, she wiggles her legs as it's pressing too hard for her!
oohhh Jennifer!!! all that talk of your bubba is just making me clucky again!!!
The meet-ups sound great. I LOVED (and still love lol) going to ours. just being able to hang out with people that 'get it' ITMS. I love being around people that have had HBs as they totally understand just how awesome an experience we've had, something that i find i just can't get on a level with those that haven't thought about having a HB ITMS. and that feeling only fortifies after you have been through the birth experience (even if there was transfer etc etc as the support and community is ongoing).
Feels so much more normal too at the HB get together, than when I'm at the prenatal aqua class at the private hospital and all the talk is about who your ob is and whether or not you're being induced. It's really empowering to feel like your birth is really yours, not at the say-so of a medical system.
Jen, you remind me that I should really go to the local HB meet up. IT is about 45 mins away which is why I have been slack. Really should do it though.
Had a meeting with my MW on Thursday. That was really good. It's nice to get to know her more and more. We both think the same about birth and have the same values. I cooked us both lunch and we had that between chatting and looking at my past birth notes. she couldn't see anything in them that would prevent me from having a VBAC and actually said she thinks that once my body did start to dilate, that it did it pretty quickly. So all of that is good. Not that I expected her to say anything differently! But yeah, also had chats with my doula this week and my DD's doula and feel really positive. I am going to be surrounded by such love, support and positive belief.
I have told DH not to book annual leave till I am about 42-43 weeks, cos I don't want him sitting staring at me, waiting for me to go into labour and we will work out what to do if I go earlier. Not that I want to go prior to 40 weeks cos then it would be really close to Christmas.
Anyway I have to go help tidy the house.
XX Bella
I am 29 weeks now. Had an appt with my midwife this week and everything is good. The fundal height is measuring a bit bigger, but could be due to my tummy muscles not holding everything in fully. Bub is lying across my tummy, not sure which end is head and which is bottom though.
I saw a chiro, and it has helped a bit with the sciatica. Have another chiro appt this week, so hopefully they will help bit more. He also said that my pelvis was a bit twisted so hopefully we can fix that up before the birth too. I also got a new pair of bathers so when our local pool opens back up again i am looking forward to doing some laps and stretching out in the water. Will be fun to take my DD swimming too.
I have been looking for a room divider or privacy screen (or one to make) so i can room off the birth pool area a bit more. I saw a gorgeous one on e-bay but it was in sydney so no good for me.
MY copy of "Hello Baby" arrived- such a gorgeous book! DD has been a bit destructo this week, so she hasn't really had a look yet but i think it will be nice for her and new bub over the years anyway- even if it doesn't have much impact before bub arrives.
Hi everyone - I haven't checked in for a while! I've been off work now for 2 weeks and have been making the most of the time off to rest, clean, do mountains of laundry etc etc :)
Have been feeling pre-laboury niggles now on and off for a week (period-like pain, back pain, lots of visits to the bathroom (my poor bum is so sore!), lots of mucous etc etc) and a midwife visit on Wednesday confirmed that bub is left occiput anterior (head down, spine facing out on my left side) with its head wedged deep down in my pelvis. She commented that she thinks our next scheduled visit on Thursday next week might be a post-natal appointment!!
I'm so so excited to meet this baby but also feeling pretty worn down and a little impatient - I joked to DH last night that we should pay the hospital a sneaky visit, get a jab of syntocinon and come home and our midwife would be none the wiser! Heheheh...DH didn't seem to think it was as funny as I did :P
I'm hoping the big weather change coming over tonight might get things happening - I would happily go on for a few more weeks being pregnant but this pre-labour stuff is wearing me down! I wish things would either stop so I can sleep properly, or ramp up and let me meet this baby! :)
I'm a bit upset today after having a difficult conversation with a girlfriend a few days ago - a few years ago we had talked about being at the birth of each other's babies, and I was there when her two babies were born (6mths and 23mths old). As DH and I planned our HB, for lots of reasons it might not be the best for her to be there - partly because of practical reasons (she's BFing her 6mth old, her and her DH share one car) but also because she isn't very familiar with HB and I wanted everyone at the birth to be on the same page and supporting me 100%. I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea for to be there or not, and ended up asking her if it would be ok to play it by ear at the time and see how I'm feeling as to whether I call her to the birth or not - I had thought the conversation went fine, she thanked me for being honest and said of course that was ok, it was my choice and she supported that etc etc.
Today I woke up to a message from her saying she's really worried that I've planned and prepared too much and that if things don't 'go to plan' I wont be prepared for that, also warning me about the changes to my body after baby and she thinks I wont cope with that. She had a dig at me for 'leaving' Facebook, which I haven't - I still comment regularly on other people's photos and status updates on there, but have chosen not to post status updates etc about the baby for LOTS of reasons but mostly because I have chosen not to tell people at work about my HB plans and want to avoid the inevitable questions/scare tactics, also want to avoid the speculation/pressure from everyone about whether the baby is here yet, and also because my mother (who I do not get along with at all) comments on everything I say and do which annoys/stresses me to no end and I want to avoid all of that.
I'm really torn - on the one hand I can see that my friend is just concerned and probably thinks she's being helpful by preparing me for some possible realities...but I'm also SO ANGRY that she would choose to do this NOW when she KNOWS I've been having early labour signs on and off for days. There's also a good chance she's done some clever googling and has tracked me down on here and may be reading this. Part of me thinks I shouldn't be posting because it will hurt her feelings to see what I've said but I'm also pretty angry and think, well if she sees this and is hurt she needs to deal with that. I love her dearly and want her to be a big part of this baby's life but I feel so undermined right now...I need to reply to her but don't know what to say :/
Eutra: :hug: i had this happen with friends from MG, they were all well-meaning, but it hurt that they showed such little faith and almost seemed certain that things would go wrong. i had one girl tell me not to tellher anything until it was all over as she 'was so worried' :o. i was so distressed by the cruelty (even though she would be mortified that that was how it came across).
thankfully they all got it out of their systems really early on and then proceeded to not really show much interest and treated me like any other pregnant chick in the group (we were all pg at one point lol).
FWIW, i think that ultimately you may have made the right decision :hug: you just cannot have that kind of mental/emotional energy in the room at time of birth (and that goes for whether you are birthing at home or at hospital).
Oh eutra that is really disappointing. And I feel that it is very sad to hear that she felt that she was in a position to inform you on how your body will change. She like you has no idea. This is part of our journey. The only thing she has done is remOver herself from someone you may have chosen to turn to if you needed. Please don't stress, re group. Sounds to me like she is put out that you haven't used/listen to her more seeing she has had two babies resently.
Sounds like you made the right choice. Hugs
Thanks Tegam and Cassius - in the end I couldn't bring myself to respond to her message - I couldn't think of what to say without coming from a place of anger and disappointment, or being completely dismissive of her concerns so I thought it best not to say anything. I'm sure she feels like she was being supportive by voicing her concerns and don't want to make things even more difficult by telling her what I think of what she said.
I had what I THINK was some of my mucous plug come away this morning when I went to the bathroom, but am not 100% sure because it was white/clear and about the size of a 50c piece? I haven't had any pains/tightenings since then so not necessarily a sign that things are underway just yet.
My SIL had her bub yesterday - 9lb healthy girl born by emergency c-section. I'm very excited to be an aunty and can't wait to see SIL and the new bub!! I really hope she will be ok - she was hoping for a natural birth and it sounds like she had a really difficult labour. She has always wanted a big family and I hope she doesn't get the scare tactics about that now being unsafe because she's had a caesarean :(
I've also just been working on a brief birth plan in case of transfer to hospital and would love to know if anyone has any thoughts!:
Name: Ms X and Mr X
We have employed an independent midwife to support us during our pregnancy, birth and post-natal period. We understand that she does not have practicing rights in hospital but wish for her to remain with us at all times as a support person.
We want our baby to be born naturally and have invested a lot of time and energy in being informed and educated about the birth process. We acknowledge and accept that in some circumstances, intervention in the birth process is necessary. If we require intervention, please discuss this with us and allow us to make a decision. Please obtain our explicit verbal consent before any interventions.
Please ask before touching me.
Please ask before touching our baby.
Please allow us to discover our baby’s sex for ourselves.
Do not cut my baby’s umbilical cord under any circumstances without my explicit verbal consent.
Please support us to have uninterrupted skin on skin time with our baby immediately after birth. Please support us to have this contact even in case of caesarean. If it is not possible for our baby to have skin on skin contact with Ms X, please support Mr X to have as much skin on skin contact as possible.
I want it to be brief because if we do transfer, it will be because we need or want a particular intervention and there possibly wont be much time to have nurses/dr's/mw's read our wishes. I'm also wary of putting 'don't do this, don't do that' in there because I may be perceived as the 'difficult homebirthing woman' and be treated badly as a result :S
Good plan, Eutra, nice and brief. I'm planning on something similar (only in case of transfer).
The only other thing I am going to add, after a recommendation from my HB get together the other day, was to be given 10 minutes to discuss any suggested intervention with my DP and m/w. Apparently that usually goes down well and takes some of the emotion out of both sides of the bed. Also eases the pressure to make a decision immediately.
GL!
Hope you find a way to bring it up with your gf without drama. Sounds tough. :(
that's a great idea Jennifer - thank you! *goes away and edits*
Hey Eutra! this is my birthplan. it covers both the HB and transfer. a great tip that my IMs gave me was to highlight the super important stuff in red, that way there was a better chance of those wishes being read and more readily followed ITMS!
:
BIRTH PLAN FOR XXXX Family
Hey Eutra! here is my entire birthplan. It covers both the HB and possible transfer. A great tip that my IMs gave me was that the highly important stuff was better written in red. that has a better chance of being noticed and actually read in the event of transfer ITMS.
MIDWIVES: XXXX and XXXX
POST-DATES: Consult with IM at 42 weeks and possibly refer to maternity outpatients at RWH for monitoring.
GROUP B STREP: No swab test, and monitor as necessary for signs of infection.
PROM: Allow natural initiation of labour and follow basic hygiene measures. Keep aware of possible infection.
PRE-LABOUR: DH to provide support through calmbirth techniques and massage; keep hydrated and focus on carbohydrates for energy. Keep resting.
WILDCARDS: Possible impacts of last birth and postnatal experience, recent death of my Grandmother. Working to approach these scenarios through calmbirth techniques and with our psychologist XXXX.
VAGINAL EXAMS: No.
AROM: No.
USE OF WATER: Use of birth pool and shower (latter especially for pre-labour/early labour).
OBSERVATIONS: Use of Doppler.
PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEO: Yes.
PRESENCE OF SIBLINGS: Yes! If at night, DD1 to be woken in time for her to accustom to the situation and surroundings before the baby arrives. This will mean a cup of milk and some quiet one on one time (read a book). If Mum is present this will be her role.
PAIN MANAGEMENT: Calmbirth breathing techniques, relaxation and visualisations; as well as water, massage and acupressure. Open to water injections.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE am I to be administered Opiods. Have an allergic reaction.
FOOD: DH will prepare a feast! Also plenty of snack foods (nut mixes, biscuits, chocolate, jellybeans etc). Tea, coffee as well as juices and water.
HOT PACKS: Yes.
Have wheatbags, hot water bottles and washers.
EPISIOTOMY: No.
DISCOVERING GENDER: For DH and myself to ‘discover’
PARTNER ASSISTING BIRTH: Yes.
THIRD STAGE: Physiological Third Stage, lotus birth.
USE OF OXYTOCICS: No.
CUTTING OF CORD: DH and DD1 (if she is still keen).
DISPOSAL OF PLACENTA: Keeping placenta for the garden!
WARMTH FOR BABY: Singlets, beanies, terrytowels, socks and onsies. As well as heating in the house.
RESUSCITATION OF BABY: To be kept informed at all times of processes and happenings. Wish to remain in eye contact with baby.
VITAMIN K: Yes.
UNEXPECTED OUTCOMES AT BIRTH: To be kept informed at all times and given time to discuss options with birth support team.
In the event of baby born still, we wish for the birth and time after birth to be respected as any ‘normal’ birth. Dim lighting, quiet voices and respect of the baby. We will want to hold, dress and bathe baby ourselves and all weights and measurements to be taken at a later time and in our presence. Photography is crucial as are hand and foot prints. To be given as much time to spend with baby and not to be rushed in saying goodbye and leaving baby.
TRANSFER: Under midwife advice. Have ambulance cover. As much administrative details to be dealt with by persons other than myself if possible.
INSTRUMENTAL DELIVERY: No.
C-SECTION:
• Presence of both my midwife and DH in theatre. I CANNNOT be separated from DH and this is to be made paramount.
• In the event of spinal block c-section: given immediate skin to skin contact and opportunity to breastfeed.
• In the event that I am unable to hold my baby, she is to be given to my husband for skin to skin contact.
• Delayed weigh and measure until first contact and feed.
• Baby to accompany me to recovery.
• If baby needs special assistance, DH to follow her with our support midwife and photos to be taken to show me in recovery. In this scenario, my primary midwife will follow me into recovery.
• Information regarding baby’s status is to remain open at all times.
BABY CARE: Priority on rooming-in. No artificial feeds. No separation and first bath and dress by parents.
It is PARAMOUNT and of upmost PRIORITY that I am NOT to separated from my husband. It is a trigger for my PTSD and therefore NEEDS to respected and avoided AT ALL COSTS.