Homebirth General Discussion #6

My m/w is at least 45 mins away. The only moment of pause for her was that I wanted her to come to me for all home visits as I couldn't see myself fitting in such a long round trip while DD was at school and I was working 4-5 days a week. So we paid her a little extra for that. She has mums that are even further away from me by another half an hour too!

If IMs were not prepared to take on women 45 mins or more away in Sydney I doubt we'd have any HBs tbh. Traffic would make less than 45 mins almost impossible to most mothers! How far away is the hospital for most of you?

I got my PHI letter saying my HB was approved. So I've done everything I need now. I'm reading through all the books my m/w has given me. Just the calm birth course to book in now. 12 weeks or so to go!

My MW was happy to come here for all my appts. My Mum lives closer to the midwife, and as it is quite easy for me to meet there, some of our appts now we are doing there. Mum gets to play with my LO and it's not as far for the MW to travel. As we get closer to the birth, i will have more appts at home, but this works out fine for both of us.

DO you think the MW is concerned about the distance for the birth or for appts?

Beansbeans, how far away from medical care / hospital are you if your midwife was not going to make it?

Loulabelle, that must be so disappointing. Hope you can get all the info so you can make your decisions.

Loulabelle: far out babe :(. i am still holding onto hope that something will be able to be done so that you can do this :hug:

Beans: my birth was all up 1.5 hours and the midwife travelled 45 mins to my house and got there with about 40mins to go and it was just perfect! i was off in lala labour land and didnt really notice her arrival until she placed some lovely lavender washers on my neck...i'd be tempted to keep her on the backburner TBH...

Jennifer: oohh i am sure that you are going to love the calmbirth course! are you going to go to peters one? i have heard that his is (of course!) fantastic! worth the commute :). i am so so happy that i did calmbirth, it was such an amazing and empowering tool for me.

I am going to Peter's Cassius. It happens to be the closest for us as well and I'm hoping that DP enjoys the male POV. Booking in next week for the next.

Bub wiggled herself further around the front today and is giving me complete faith that she knows how to make her way out from the best possible position. I think the prenatal yoga has been great for my aches and her position too.

Ash – I’m so sorry and so disappointed for you and also really disappointed in the midwives you have contacted that they won’t support you.

Loulabelle – I’m sorry that it’s looking like HB may not be a safe option for you – fingers crossed for some good news! Will your m/w be able to continue to support you if you do need to birth in hospital?

jennifer: oh that is awesome! my DH found the course really great in helping connect to the birth experience as they play an active role, and when he learnt that even the fathers at the birth produce the oxytocin in the right circumstances (ie in a supported, caring birth environment!) then he was totally into it and felt that he actually had a place in the process and could belong...such a difference to the first experience the hossy.

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I got my PHI letter saying my HB was approved. So I've done everything I need now. I'm reading through all the books my m/w has given me. Just the calm birth course to book in now. 12 weeks or so to go!

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Jennifer - can I ask which health fund you are with? I'm with AHM - I called them at 6mths pregnant to ask whether I needed prior approval to claim on midwife-assisted HB and the consultant said no, to just lodge the claim with receipts after the birth but I'm not confident I was given accurate information?

Thanks Cassius2
My labour was 1.5hrs (1st contraction to birth), with DD2, and thats the same amount of time that it would take the midwife in no traffic. The main reason for us not taking her on, was on the way home DH commented on how many times the midwife said she more than likely wouldnt make it but would talk him through it on the phone. When we actuallu talked it through, she kept on saying "When you go into labour, call me and I will come down, but more than likely I will miss the birth, but dont worry I will talk you through it on the phone and I'll get there not too long afterwards." Wasnt the most comforting concept for DH. For me, I dont want to be in labour worrying about whether the midwife will make it, especially after last time not knowing if we would make the hospital or deliver on the side of the road.
After we said we wouldnt be needing her services, I have thought about whether we did the right thing or not. But upon reflecting on the appointment, she wanted us to drive to her for every apppointment, preferably without the girls. It really didnt fit with what I had in mind.

So for now I shall be leaving this thread. My journey for a homebirth isnt happening this tiem round, well unless its a free birth. Instead of spending my energy trying to for the impoosible, I am going to enjoy my pregnancy, strengthen my mind and my resolve to make the most of this pregnancy, labour and birth. I know one thing for sure, its going to be one of the longest birth plans in history! :lol:

Thanks ladies

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Jennifer - can I ask which health fund you are with? I'm with AHM - I called them at 6mths pregnant to ask whether I needed prior approval to claim on midwife-assisted HB and the consultant said no, to just lodge the claim with receipts after the birth but I'm not confident I was given accurate information?

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I'm with Australian Unity and they specified to advise them in writing. My m/w is registered as a provider with them and the only other thing the letter said was confirming I have had my level of cover for 12 mths prior. HB wasn't covered in my other fund. I guess it's just to confirm you can claim? :dunno: I don't get the whole cost back, but I do get a fair chunk of it.

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After we said we wouldnt be needing her services, I have thought about whether we did the right thing or not. But upon reflecting on the appointment, she wanted us to drive to her for every apppointment, preferably without the girls. It really didnt fit with what I had in mind.

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this is so so true! I had turned down 2 midwives for this very reason. one, wanted nothing to do with DH and was so militant in her views that men were the enemy of birth that it really didnt fit with our families values and perceptions of birth. and the second was lovely in so many respects and on paper was great, but she wanted the appts to be at her house (which again, didnt suit our circumstances with my history of the PTSD related to not feeling safe). so i totally get and totally respect the decision you made, and it was the right one! :hug:

bummed that you can't stay here and have a lovely HB though :(...but i am certain that you will have a beautiful birth journey. will you be able to have an IM support you at hossy at all? or are the same reasons above also the same for a hossy birth?

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bummed that you can't stay here and have a lovely HB though :(...but i am certain that you will have a beautiful birth journey. will you be able to have an IM support you at hossy at all? or are the same reasons above also the same for a hossy birth?

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Thanks Cassius! Unfortunately no IM for me either, the hospital midwives will not work with them (dumb hospital). When the time comes, and if I make it hospital, I shall have my game face on, Dh will have his on (he knows to protect our wishes and to stand up to the know it alls), and we will get the best of a bad environment. If there is a next time, it will be a HB.

How is it going Ash? Found a MW?

How is every one else?

Thanks for asking Tegam :)

I typed a lengthy post a couple of days ago but something went wrong (my 'token' had expired :lol:).

Thanks you to everyone who made suggestions, and thanks to Arcadia for your offer of help :hug:

I haven't found a MW yet. I have been thinking about my next step and reflecting on my options and the suggestions made by others in this thread.

I have also thought a bit about my conversation with the last midwife (I'll call her M). She sounded reluctant to take me on from the outset of the conversation - before she heard where I lived or that it was my 4th bub. The MW who recommended M told me that M is 'new to homebirth'. M didn't mention this though. I think her main concern with taking me on is the fact that she has had trouble finding 'back-up' midwives lately. Perhaps her 'inexperience' with homebirthing means she is reluctant to take me on without back-up.

All the MW I have spoken to seem to think that my labour will be very short. I understand why the MW who lives 2 hours away was reluctant to take me on (although she did consider it for a week!). And she obviously has enough work in her region. I also thought that the midwife who lives 75 mins away would end up taking me on, but I understand why she didn't. Her usual back-up is away in Feb (when my bub is due) and she is on-call for her caseload clients. She obviously has enough on her plate in her area. I understand, but I am still disappointed.

The MW (A) I had for my 2 homebirths (and hospital birth) lived 40 mins from me, but her 'lay' MW 'partner' (S) lived only 10 mins away. They shared the antenatal visits. At one birth, they arrived at the same time. At my last birth, A arrived 20 mins before the birth, and S arrived an hour earlier. For my last birth, we did prepare (as much as you can!) for the scenario that the bub would arrive before the MW's did. I wasn't worried if that happened (DH was though!) because I knew that they would at least be on the way. Two of my close friends who had the same MW's ended up birthing before the MW's arrived - so I had considered that it may happen.

This week, I have considered contacting S and asking if she would consider being my MW. I know that she is working as a doula at the moment, but I don't know if she has ever done any birth (in Australia) without a registered midwife. Or even if she would be prepared to. I spoke to DH about it, and he thinks it is a good idea. She has been there for the birth of all my children, and I feel confident in her abilities. I just feel a bit nervous asking her. I guess she can only say 'no'! (as all the others have!).

I have also considered contacting A again and begging her to consider taking me on. I spoke to her when I was 12 weeks preg. and she told me that she had 'retired' from homebirth about 2 years ago, and is now working part-time as a hospital midwife at my local hospital. The MW 's she suggested have either 'retired' from homebirth or left the area. During our conversation, she seemed to think that I would have trouble finding someone and suggested that I book in to the caseload/community midwifery program just in case - at that time I was still blissfully ignorant of how dire the situation was, and didn't even consider contacting the caseload program. How naive I was!

Thanks again for all your kind comments. Beans I am really sorry to hear that we are in the same boat.

Beg ash, cry, do whatever it takes to get that midwife to even think about it. I'm so sorry this is happening. Wish I had an answer that could magically get you a mw.

Afm, I kinda feel a little guilty saying this with what ash is going through but, Mw is still taking me on!! She thinks after speaking with obs that ill should be ok to hb! I have to have another scan at around 32 weeks to see how my placenta is looking and the position its in, but she's very hopeful. She's going to get me in to see a really good ex ob to do the scan, apparently he's all for homebirth.

I'm feeling so much more positive and I know if worst case happens that my Mw will be with me all the way.

Yay!

That is wonderful news loulabelle! :happyforyou:
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
I am very happy for you :)
Thank you for your compassion and kindness.

Yay Loulabelle! That's great news.

Hopefully there's more good news on the m/w front all round. Fx.

Loulabelle that's awesome news!!!

Ash I really hope you find someone it's tough out there!


My MW just told me she is away for a few days when I am due and that if I could just go overdue then she'd be happy! So let's hope this Bub chooses it's timing right and comes a week late.

WOW Loulabelle, thats great news!

Ash: Beg beg and beg some more!

Em: LOL Look at my sig!

WAHOOO!!!

Loulabelle!!!! i am so happy for you :leap: :leap:

Hi! I may have some good news!!!!

I just contacted the lay midwife, S, that has been at all my births. She has just started working with the 'new-to-homebirth' MW, M, who didn't want to take me on because of the distance!
This is fab! S only lives 5 or 10 mins away from me now. S told me that M is reluctant to travel to my town, so S can do the antenatal appointments and has a great chance of arriving to my birth in plenty of time. So M doesn't have to worry about that. Yay! I am feeling really hopeful about this. It all rests with M now. I hope she agrees. I have left a message on her mobile, telling her that I have spoken to S. And, even better, S and M have a meeting tonight anyway, so S will be able to talk to her.

I am feeling really positive about this. I think I am going to get my homebirth after all!!!!! :leap: And I feel really good that S will be there. She has been at all my births. I have total faith and trust in her abilities. She is so incredibly intuitive. I wish I had called her sooner. Although, I get the impression that this arrangement/partnership is a very recent development. So maybe I have contacted her at exactly the right time.

:)

Oh yay, Ash!!! Fx it all works out. Thank goodness you kept trying.

Ash, that's fantastic!! Fx it all works out. Keep us posted.

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oh this is the day of happy news!!!

you go girl Ash!!! wahooo!!

Tegam:love it!

Ash that's awesome news!

Woo hoo! The midwife, M, just called me! We just made a time for our first appointment! She is coming to my house. Distance doesn't seem like a problem now, lol.
I'm so gald I called S yesterday.

Homebirth number 3 - here I come!

Woohoo Ash!

Yay Ash!!! How exciting!

I have a m/w visit next week, goodness that came around fast. I'm almost down to fortnightly visits - eeeep!

Guess I'd better do the calmbirth course and start thinking about a birth pool soon. Otherwise, we're pretty much ready in the baby dept. Just as well, since Christmas is only 10 weeks away and I think I should be organised this year. ;)

Yay yay yay! Best news ash, I'm so happy its worked out in the end. Now relax and enjoy your pg.

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WOOHOO
ASH
HOMEBIRTH
here you come

I had a little tear hearing your great news! So glad you can have the birth you want!

Congrats ash!!!! That is great! Really pleased for you. Loulabelle, same for u love, really pleased to hear that ur hb still has a chance to go ahead.

Afm, well 28 weeks here and just starting to feel really heavy and uncomfortable. I think I am getting abdo separation again so I have started wearing a big tubi grip as support for my belly. I think it is all worse just now cos we spent a week camping and we were always walking in sand which I underestimated in it's ability to exhaust me as well as DD having a fever and getting outta bed all night for the last 2 nights. Anyway I am sure with a bit of rest I will feel better soon. I must admit a bit of concern that this is starting this early since I went to 42 weeks last time.

I was also really excited yesterday cos my 20yo cousin had her first baby. She had a drug free vaginal breech birth in hospital! So very pleased for her. Was a big journey for a young woman but she got what she wanted and I am thrilled for her.

Have just started reading 'birthing from within', anyone else read it? I really like it.

Must go tho.

Xx Bella

:) Thanks so much Tegam. Your excitement makes me smile.


Wow, Bella, I can't believe you are 28 weeks already. I hope the abdo seperation settles down. Great news about your cousin :)

that is just happy happy news Ash!!!!!

:leap: :dance: :leap: :dance:

Bella: i wish i had of not ignored my muscle separation when i was pg with DD2. PITA!! i hope that it settles for you! and arrghhh on the sick kid...so so hard and so tiring.

Ash and Loulabelle - that is such fantastic news for both of you!!!!! So happy and relieved for you both!! :)

Bella29 - yep I've just started Birthing From Within too and really enjoying it!!

Next week will be my last at work - I'm so looking forward to finishing up and getting into some serious nesting!!

oh and i forgot to say that Jennifer.... :o wow, you are powering along now! far out! the business end approaches...YIPEEEEE!!!!

i have been watching the SBS doco 'one born every minute'...can i just say that it makes me so happy to have made the choices we did the second time around! even the happy births that are beautiful (i cry each time!), just have no power to even come remotely close to the joy and beauty and tranquility of bringing your baby into the world at home, or at least under the guidance of an IM in hospital. i cannot believe the BRIGHT lights, splatter suits and goggles and all those rubber gloves!!

Wonderful news Ash!! :happyforyou: :dance:

What a relief!!

Jen I can't believe you're in the third tri now! So exciting!
Bella I loved birthing from within and even tried my own hand at birth art
Eutra I hope your last week of work flies by!

Cass I can't watch that show...I just feel so sad they aren't getting the amazing home birth experience I have had. Tbh I was shocked when I first saw it because I'd never seem a birth in a hospital, only home births...my mum loves it though :)

Arcadia - My DH is the same, he can't bear to watch it either. We watched the first series together. When I told him that a new series was on, he said he would tape it for me but wouldn't watch it himself.

Cassius- I totally agree with your comments about the show. There were times when I felt quite sad watching it, witnessing the disempowerment of so many of the birthing women. And I would frequently yell at the TV.

Eutra- wow, so close now. Yay! I hope your last week at work isn't stressful.
Jen- I can't believe you have hit the third tri mark. How exciting.

Eutra - how exciting to be done at work! How much nesting do you need to do?

Wow I missed a lot. I watch OBEM but agree even the great births are not like HB. Really hoping DH is coming around to. Number5. I would so love another HB and baby.
EP wow one week left! Congratulations.
Vella ought!

Just got an iPhone, I can't. Believe how much easier the is than the PC. Feeling rather old and slow but ill get there. I can't remember anymore and I can't figure out how to see the posts now I'm typing, so apologies if I missed anyone. I'll be back(probably 100 times playing with the phone) LOL

See Vella ought was meant to be bella ouchy

haha Tegam: you are doing 100% better than me...i dont even have a mobile!!!! ahh dark ages it is for moi!

(oh, and i am so with you! i just want to have another baby BIG time lol)

Ash: yeah that is what i find so hard about that show. they are actively disempowered. and it is veiled through 'jokes' and 'friendly' banter...'oh sweetie, you should try the gas and air (as they are wheeling it over!)', or the BEST one: 'oh sweetie, i know it hurts (oh really? because i can't say that is *has* to hurt!), there's nothing i can do to help' (oh really? how about some encouragement/empathy/or offering her to change positions or use her breathing??).

ok, off my soapbox lol.

Eutra: eeekkk! i love knowing when the end date of work is in sight! i remember LOVING those last days/weeks of uninterrupted nesting and napping :rofl: