Why are people asking me about weaning already??

[Heaven]

I find this odd. DD is only 7 months old. I was visiting family on the weekend and of course you get all the questions. It's like a bloody test, is she a good girl? is she sleeping through? are you still breastfeeding? how many feeds does she have a day?

Firstly, I find these questions rude and invasive! MYOB people. But I was baffled by what came next.

Her: Have you tried cutting any feeds out yet?
Me: uh..no...?? She feeds about every 3 hrs.
Her: ugh, I remember that , don't worry, when she starts eating more you'll be able to cut it down.
Me: not replying, just thinking wtf is she on about?? I don't want to cut it down!
Her: I BF M for 10months, S for 12months, and L was the worst she just wouldn't let go and I BF her for 14 months.
Me: Oh, that's really good.
Her: Soon you'll be just able to feed her morning and night.


WTF?? Firstly, no, I don't think so, DD still feeds every 3 hrs despite having 3 meals a day and BF god knows how many times over night, lol. And I didn't say I didn't like it, why do ppl assume I want to stop already?? No way, I am sad at the thought she will wean eventually!! LOL. I've just always believed that til they're 1 (at LEAST!!) milk is super important and food not so much so I'm always trying to get more into her, hahaha. I thought everyone knew this and wasn't expecting weaning comments until she was at least 1!! Was not ready for that one!!

Silly me, must be ready for comments on ALL aspects of parenting.

[Inanna]

Big hugs honey and you must have some sizeable teethmarks in your tongue after that tirade!!!!

I guess it's just differing views on parenting & sometimes that feels really foreign when ours are so different to someone else...

Sadly we live in a society that truly believes babies should fit in - that they are spoilt, that there is a "routine" that fits all babies and a right way of being a Mama!
For all the education that is out there so many "out there" in our fine Country truly believe that a tin is better, that a jar is better that a strict routine is better. When it may not be at all..

There are so many many societies that look at we do in our so called "industrialised and therefore superior" society as just plain ridiculous! Your baby and you are working together to soothe her, nourish her and bond with her. You just know you are doing the BEST thing for you baby by following your instincts. Sending you some loving support and well done vibes!

[Sammiejane]

I found that once we got past 12 months people stopped asking me...
i tell them that i would be happy to BF until she decides to stop.
That milk is still the main source of nutrition until at leat 12 months old - why should i wean and replace that with a bottle, when really mine is perfect for her, the rigt tempreture, more watery if its hot of if she is feeding loads or less dilute if its cold or longer intervals between feeds etc etc
Also quote WHO recommendations etc etc

i also tell them - this is the one that SHUTS them UP is that i am happy to continue to provide the comfort and nourishement for me child and that seeing as that it is not hurting anyone i dont see the problem with it.

i dont know why it is that once people see a child (baby really) eating solids they assume that BF is not required??? why replace a boob with a bottle if there is not need for it? It really irritates me.

Im waiting for all the comments now, well not yet as no one IRLknows, that i should wean MJ as i am pg... small minds of people...

[Kailani]

How annoying

I too am getting sick of all the comments and opinions on not just bfing, but everything about parenting and what is "right". I know they mean well, but my Mum and Grandma are the worst!!

TBH, I guess the person who you were talking to thought that bfing was more of a chore than a bonding and nourishing experience and maybe thought you had the same views. Still annoying though!

[Bathsheba]

The only person that really questioned me was my mother and that was only because I have a thyroid condition and she thought that BFing might have been too "hard" on my body. Other than that I escaped it and I fed to over 2 years with my youngest. Apparently I can look intimidating LOL this could be the reason. The thing that worked with my mother was quoting the WHO guidelines... she is a nurse and places them in high regard....but even she didn't realise the guideline was 2 years.

I agree, BFing is great, why end it prematurely if you don't have to? Oh and another good one for people who don't think there is any value in BM after solids: antibodies... tell them that you would rather BF than deal with a sicker child.... sad that it has to come to that though ie justification.

great post FC

[Fleur]

Silly me, must be ready for comments on ALL aspects of parenting.

Sadly, yes

Ah but come to BB where you have support & hugs that's what I do

[Jennifer13]

Don't worry, once your child passes three and you're still bfing, the comments have well and truly stopped. I assume instead they just start talking behind your back. (Not that I have an overinflated opinion of how important what I'm doing is in their lives!)

Plus, everyone tends to shut up when you have a happy, healthy, well-adjusted little girl and you're doing just fine with parenting without their help. Sometimes I think it's more about justifying the way they did things and why it isn't the way you're doing it.

[AliBaby]

I have had these comments as well. In fact when DD was 3 months I started to get the whole "By now she shouldnt be feeding through the night and should be sleeping through"! WTF! No cahance of that happen. Every child is different and DD will sleep through and stop feeding when she is ready to.

You did very well to bite your tongue. You are doing a great job of being a mum

[mbear]

I loathe these comments....ive had them....with all 4 of mine. They look at you with sad eyes and ask 'is he sleeping thru yet?'. 'No, im up at least 3 times a night'. "ohhh cheeky bugger, dont worry, it will soon pass".....he needs me, hes not cheeky, hes exercising his survival !!!!
I will never forget being laughed at by a work colleague when i said i have to get home to feed my baby (DD#2 - 13 months old). He said 'but shes eating food, steak, potatoes, why does she need your milk ?'. He looked at me like i was a freak. Idiot.
Like you said...some people really, really need to just mind their own business and shut up !!!

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

if you haven't done it yet, join the Australian Breastfeeding Association. You will be surrounded by people who know that breastfeeding is just normal. And it gives you the confidence to keep doing what you are doing. Even though you are clear about your goals - it can be quite eroding at times to be constantly faced with silly comments

[Jennifer13]

Great responses. You'll just have to save up your stories about your friends who bf until four years of age (or later ) for next time, that's sure to impress her!

Good on your DH too, his response was great!

[Megan]

Sometimes I think it's more about justifying the way they did things and why it isn't the way you're doing it.

I think this is spot on! I recently was asked by my MIL when I will wean DS, and why wasn't he eating solids at 4 months? I must be starving him. She actually told me he wouldn't be getting enough from breast milk. She continues to make these comments and ask questions because "she did it this way and her kids turned out fine".

[Glamourcide]

Heh - Squirt wasn't even 8 weeks before I started getting *those* useless comments from some people. And I fully credit BB and the amazing support and education for my being able to just ignore those comments, or give them a piece of my mind
I don't even bother trying to justify my choices to people these days. I do what I do because it works for me and my baby and until someone else, however well-meaning, has walked in my shoes, they can put a zipper on it.

[Marlene]

I made a comment on FB the other day that I was upset that Jack hadn't wanted any boob that day. I had an IRL friend say to me "don't you think it's for the best, he is 17 months now"....some lovely BB girls came to my defence after that remark, to which she replied "well, I think once they can walk...no more boob!"
I didn't even bother to reply to her!!

[meow]

And I didn't say I didn't like it, why do ppl assume I want to stop already??

This is the bit that always gets me! And even if you don't 'like' it (say, being woken up all night) it doesn't mean you want to change anything. You're just answering honestly "no, my child doesn't sleep through" seeing they asked- that doesn't mean you're looking for their solution!

No-one ever suggested I wean (I think I had hippy-long-term-BFing-mother written all over my face ) but I did have one friend who kept telling me to comp feed with formula to get him to sleep overnight. I just kept "considering it" and saying I was keen to exclusively BF so I'd see how much longer I could go with the lack of sleep. Once he was on solids I could fob her off that there was no point with formula as he wasn't sleeping with solids anyway so that made her stop.

[Bathsheba]

Personally I think people "mind" because they don't want to be seen as thinking outside the Norm. If Aunty suddenly realises that lots of mums, heaven forbid, MOST mums BF until their child is say 2 years old then they will compare poorly wont they? They don't want to compare poorly so they try to insist that their way is the norm. Crazy isn't it how people are so egocentric... It's all about them so much that they can't actually celebrate that a child is receiving something so precious.

I outwardly often look like the last kind of person who would want to full term BF (I BF beyond 2 years)... I often can look too conservative and corporate... And I take much pleasure in telling people that I BF beyond 2 years as that is what the WHO recommends... Only my mother has challenged me on the wisdom of what I did... And that was because I think she felt guilty that she weaned early. Not that she ever had reason to feel this. She just chose to make it about her which is consistent with how she approaches most situations. With people like this you essentially just have to feel sorry for them and their immature social/emotional development. Just as you would feel sorry for anyone else with a debilitating learning difficulty. I know that sounds all superior... But it's better than feeling guilty for simply wanting to BF a child.

Keep the faith girls don't let people make you doubt yourself.

[Bathsheba]

Of course everything I said in the above post doesn't apply to women who can't BF... That is a different kettle of fish. I'm just referring to women who don't believe breast feeding a baby beyond the newborn stage is normal and who weaned early because of this false belief.

[Cass72]

Heaven you crack me up!!! I really hope that PITA Aunty doesn't think you should knock DD on the head for wanting some of mummas milk.

On the serious side though, people putting in their two cents worth questioning when you are weaning should really keep their opinions to themselves. It's hard enough at times when I doubt myself without the "are you sure he's getting enough" comments.

When I had DS1 I followed the advice of one such nasty lady who told me that my milk mustn't be good enough because "your feeding that child again?!" So I promptly put him onto formula. Little did I realise was that he wanted to feed often because he had hit a growth spurt.

This time we are doing wonderfully, sometimes I have a little panic that bubs' not getting enough but then I weigh him and well, honestly one look at his chubby little body and you can tell he's gaining weight.

Three cheers to everyone who ignores those horrid PITA Auntys!

I plan on going by the ABA motto..... food is for fun until I turn 1!