I think the suggestions for counselling in your other thread are right on the money. There are deep & complex issues which need the help of a third party to sort through.
It sounds like there are trust and jealousy issues, which, with respect, if you're getting yourself into situations where another male friend feels ok in going for a kiss, maybe DH's feelings aren't unwarranted (not saying you've been unfaithful, just that DH may be justified in feeling jelous and untrusting).
As for his attitude towards you, I think I'd be pretty upset & grumpy within the relationship if it was my son. It *does* sound like you don't like him and you can't wait for him to bugger off out of your lives, which would have to hurt DH's feelings.
As for your SS not giving you and DH any space, I agree with other posters that it's only natural for him to seek out your dad, but you guys also need time as a couple. Maybe you can talk to DH & arrange to get out together a couple of times a week.. or some couple time every night.. set some boundaries (that also respect SS's need for some of his dad's time & attention too).
Re: the work issue, bear in mind that it's a pretty tough job market out there with many businesses still recovering from the GFC, many that won't be looking into hiring until the new year because they close down anyway or don't want to pay people for all the public holidays, coupled with the flood of school leavers competing pretty hard for the few jobs that are going. I personally know several young male school leavers who have been actively seeking work for months with no luck. Also.. I remember after the stress of year 12 I just needed a few weeks (months actually) to gather myself together and figure out my next moves and my foray into this adult world.
Is it just a part-time job he needs to get or a full time one? What are his plans, (if any)? Is he looking? Does he know how to look, apply, present himself, etc? This doesn't come naturally to most 18 year old boys.
What to do? If I were you (assuming you want the marriage to be better) I'd a) distance from the kissing friend & possibly the alleged affair friend; b) sit down with DH to get the boundaries & rules with DS sorted & make sure you're on the same page, but let DH take the reigns for how to deal with him; c) cut DS a little slack. 18 year old boys are horrible creatures sometimes but they do get better and it's such a difficult time in life; d) get into family and/or relationship counselling; e) make sure your contraception is sorted; f) have some romantic getaways if you possibly can to reconnect & rekindle.
Hope that wasn't too blunt. It sounds like things are tough. I guess the most important question is, what do you want to see happen?
Look hun, it feels as if you are pointing the fingers at everyone else in the house and are yet to think about your part in it all.
It seems you are more committed to fault-finding with sds than anything else. I've not seen you write anything positive about him, I can only imagine what it would be like having to live with someone that picks at you or give a constant air of disapproval. Can you imagine that for a moment? He is still only a kid and motivation isn't born from underconfidence.
You have the chance to be a very positive role model for this boy - do you expect DH to be a good role model to your children? Is is fair to expect the same?
Skeeta brings up so many great points - you have put yourself in a position with someone you know and admit you have feelings about, you have crossed the line with him....I'm not sure why you are so insulted DH accuses you of having a fling with him - he isn't far off the mark after all.
Maybe have a longer look at yourself and your own behaviours and take responsibility so you can fix this marriage. If that's what you truly want.
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