Larger Families Chatter ~ June 2007

Arrgh kittykat its tough isnt it. Its such a difficult age. My eldest two are from a previous relationship though my husband has been Dad since Emmy was 18 months old and Jess was 3. I definately think your dd needs to be with you, especially at this delicate age. It can be tough at times, but like Dee has said it doesnt sound like the most ideal sort of situation for your dd in a caravan right now. Ride it out, it will get better. Ive always found though, that because Darren married into an existing family, despite the children being so young, it worked better for us for me to be the main disciplinarian. I hope its gets better for you. I can remember so vividly being that age, and its just a whirwind of emotions!!!

Jo

Hey kittykat :hug: for you hun! Its so tough in your situation. Mine no longer have any contact with their father (his choice) so it actually makes life a lot eaiser now. But when they did have contact everything was my fault. If i came to pick them up early cause he had something else to do it was my fault (unfortunately this was most weekends) he would tell them they could do things knowing that they weren't allowed to do them at home just to stir things up here! It worked at first but in the end they learnt that what he says does not go in our house and as this is where they spend the majority of their time they need to behave themselves here. We split when my eldest had just had his 7th B'day and my baby ( no 3) was only 10mths old. he told me i couldn't last and nobody would want me with 3 kids (i was with him at the age of 15 and preg within 3 mths of seeing him) so i believed him, but i left with no support and i survived. I also found a man who loves my kids as his own and we got together about 7mths after i left exh. We have survived through a lot of stuff caused through the ex but thankfully our kids have always seen my hubby as their Dad and have never thrown it in his face that he isnt.
I don't know what advice i can give you other than to stay strong on what you believe is right and keep plodding along. I know some days its hard to see through the turmoil, but you will get through it with your daughter by your side if you just keep trying. Does she like to help with the little ones ( not sure how many kiddies you have) i know my eldest dd loves to spend time with our youngest ds(he seems to be the only one she gets along with some days).
Maybe the time she has with her dad will give you all some time to calm down and give you some time to sort out another approach. Sometimes time can do wonders.
Is there anyway you can organise time to go to the movies with just her, i know my dh did this with our eldest dd (13) as they were struggling to find some common ground and it worked for them.
I think that sometimes we get so busy running around after teh littlies that we forget to give the older ones that special time ( and its even harder when they seem to have constant attitudes). It is definately tough raising kids and its even tougher when you have to be the one to give all th dicipline while the other parent gets to be the fun one.
We are always here to cheer you up when you need it.
:hugs:

Morning All. Sorry kittykat for the probs you are having right now. The best thing for your dd is to keep her with you. This is a tough few years and if you give up on her now she will remember it when she is older. However she will remember who was there for her when she is older as well. She will eventually understand that she has a loving mother and that nobody can ever replace her. You will be so glad that you did not give in to her, when you see that everything that you have been teaching her comes out thru her. When that day comes I will be so happy for you. It is so hard to raise teenagers and have a son still going thru it at almost 16yrs and another son 12 well on is way. If your ex is letting her get away with everything, you can be safe to say that that is why she wants to go be with him. Kids don't like rules and want to do whatever they want, but the only prob is someone has too be the responsible parent otherwise where could our kids end up.... Too scarey to comprehend. She will be so grateful that you took the time to protect and guide her thru the most diificult time of her development, and that you had rules in place for that reason. One thing tho that you cannot forget, and that is your dd really does love you and she really does know that you love her. They just like to make us feel bad at times, especially if we don't let them get away with everything.

Do not doubt that you are a great mother because you really are. You have got all your children with you and have given them a caring home with your dh.

Take care

Hi there Girls - wow I havent' checked in for a while and ya all filled up 2 pages on me! Welcome to all the new mums. I gotts ask cos I am not too computer savvy how ya all get the cool pics on your pages all the time! I don't wanna be listing all my kids names each time I tune in. Just chucking a question out - does anyone of you ladies also homeschool your familes? Just to make you more insane? I have found homeschooling is popular in larger families?

Catchya later

Bree

Hi Bree if you go to user profile then edit signature you can write your kids details in there and every time you post it will automatically attach to your post. You might also like to do a birthday ticker for your youngest, you just go to the ticker website make one up and copy the bbcode into your signature space and update.
No I don't homeschool and would never consider it, I'm busy enough with out playing school teacher as well for nothing, that what we pay taxes for, lol. I love my children going to school and interacting with other children and adults. We live in a good area and have no problems with any of the schools in the area. They are getting an excellent education.


Edit: Just wanted to add that if anyone does home school well more power to ya, I just personally would not consider it for us, which I spose can be seen as silly since I am studying to be a Teacher.

:hello: Halltribe

if you want the stuff thats at the end of each persons message you just go into user profile and thengo into edit signature ( ithink thats what it says) and you can create your own signature ie: DD -13 and so on if you want a ticker just goole tickers and find ones that you like and tehn copy the bbtag and if you want the pretty avatars they ahve at the top of the page then i have no idea i want one of them but havent figured that part out yet!!
As for home schooling i don't do it but i do know some who do and reckon its heaps better but i think once they get to high school they need that extra help ( at least my eldest does he has a bit of trouble with understanding it all)

Kat the avatar up the top is for paying members, you can join up at the moment actually. It was closed for a time there and has only recently reopened, don't know for how long though.
Ta
Dee :D

My big thing with homeschooling is that I think it would add extra stress on our relationship. LOL, it's already hard enough getting them to do what I ask just for family life; I can't imagine adding schoolwork on top.
I've know several people who have done it, very successfully. They plan group times for the kids, usually with other homeschoolers, and often send them to school for high school, or year 10-11 on.
Also, LOL, while I love the kids dearly, I also love having that quiet time at home while they are away at school...!
I would do it if I had to, but I don't want to :)

Thanks Dee ishall check it out tomorrow
about to head to bed now as bub is not well so i best sleep while i can.

Cheers
Kat

Morning All, hope all is well.

Katstribe - Hope you little one is feeling better today.

Not going to be around today , felling Blahhhh, I was up all night with my poor boy who has the D's and V's, I have a tower of washing to get through, he's very clingy, poor sod.
Have a great Day Ladies.
Dee

Dee - So sorry, hope your little one is feeling better soon. Always washing. No what that is like.

Dee hope little Nate is better soon.

Jo

Hope nate is feeling better Dee not much fun hey. On a possitive note things are a little better with DD we had a chat a sorted a few things out but she still like to push the limit i have chosen with the advive i have been so kindly given by you all is to ignore what i can dont fight DH over silly stuff she likes it when we fight she thinks she has the upper hand not more i am mum hear me roar lol
kath

Hi :hello:
i hope your little man is better soon Dee.
You go Kath - its hard sometimes but they tell me there is light at this end of the tunnel!
csab thanks for asking but no i took Mitchie to doc today after staying up until 5:30am this morning and he has the beginnings of croup! The poor little fella had a crappy night and i dont think tonight will be any better :(
Anyway i might check in a bit later

Good on you Kittykat.

Katstribe - So sorry. It is so hard when your little ones are sick. You just want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. What a shame we are unable to do just that. Take Care

Morning All, not much too report on the home front today I'm afraid. Well it is only the beginning of the day. Older ones still asleep.

Ho there

Thanks girls for the help I will put all the families details in when I have a bit more time (probably never)! Believe it or not all 6 kids are well at the same time! And me - just a constant croaky voice and I don't smoke, I think its because I have to repeat everything I say twice! Better run

Bree

Now that is a miracle Bree, to have a big family and for all of them to be well at once in winter!!!! I wish that was the case here. My DH is sick(yay) and Mitchie (youngest) has croup, so this household is having a great time atm!!!
Thankfully the doc gave him some predimix to knock the croup on the head a.s.a.p. but they can only have 4 doses, lets jsut hope thats enough!
he is definately getting better and the cough is nowhere near as bad now.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend

katstribe i hope the medicine works i havnt a bubs with croup i dont i could imagine how hard it would be you take care too make sure you get enough rest.Well im home on my own with kids tonight DH has gone out to a family doo ( his side ) and the kids were not invitied so i decieded that if we all not invited we all wont go but DH is doing the right thing and showing his face eat and come home im not at all bothered they are very snotty people i just dont fit in if i wanted to i could but wouldnt be me im a steak and 3 vegi kinda girl. I has been nice just me and the girls they love funny home videos so we watch that together with a bit of ice cream its nice.
I feel silly just blabbing but it good to chat i went to work to day i teach kids to swim i love it 4 hours in the pool can get a bit much but its good to get out of the house interact with other adults and just to have a chat. DH would be happy for me to give it up but the way i see it by the time Ella goes to school i will have to look for full time work that means i will be out of formal work for 9 years thats a long time so i think i need to keep up some kind of work i thinkit will help in the long run plus the money helps to put fuel in the cars and i love the job. I think i might have a bath a wine and relax for a bit before DH comes home no doubt there will be thetap on the shoulder lol men there so predicdable
kath

Kath i think we were lucky with this croup as bub is getting better. I have heard some terrible stories of bubs with croup. Thankfully we got to it early :clap:. He is still sick but at least we can see he is getting better.
I think its great that you are doing some work, i wish i was for that fact that by the time DS goes to prep i will be needing to work. Ihave very litlle experience in the working world as i was a mum at the age of 16. I have done farm work, bar work and housecleaning in the past but i want to be able to do more than that when the time comes.So i know where you are coming from.
Hope you had a good night lol
Hi to all

hi katstripe i know what u mean ive only ever worked as a housekeeper which i still do one day a week i never got time to study or go to tafe to do anything else so when jess goes to school i will be too old to do anything.

Morning All - Hope you and your families are all well.

Katstribe - Hows your little man? Hope he is better.

hi how are we all my eldest is turning twelve tommorow god its gone quick it only feels like yesterday that she was my little girl.shes not that anymore somedays its hard to get a nice conversation out of her without yelling at each other.shes still on hoildays so tommorow we will be able to spend the day together dont know what we going to do though not much money dh hasnt been working much so the funds are a bit low.better go hope everyone is well

hello hello i hope all is well with you all.Jesabell i know what you mean the 12 year old daughters its hard to think they were sweet and lovable once. Not a ot here im now looking after a friends little one shes 2 the cash is very helpfull and its been going good so far the kids are all sick even DD 4 months its so hard to see them sick theres nothing that you can give them when they are so little just lots of hugs and love vix panadol blah blah and i need a wine by the end on the night. Ella doenst really sleep that much i know that it takes a little while for them to get into a routine but i can see where this is going with Ella the same way as Siaan she never slept but was the brightess little bubs i need sleep more so in the mornings Ella will rise between 3.30am and 4.30am then the two toddlers will then be up at 5am of late if been telling them they cant get up till the sun rises but thats no good now it rises to late and they just muck about waste of time really i need sleep i need sleep i think i will book in for a nanny night that should fix me for a while
kath

Hi Kittykat hope you get that wel deserved :asleep:

Jesabel - Congrats on your oldest having her twelth b'day. My son will not be 12 until Nov. Hope you have a great day tomorrow. :happybirthday: to your DD.

Hi I'm new to this thread I'm a mother of 5 11,9,4,2 & 3 mths.:redface:
Bubs is so unsettled latly does anyone eles find that because they have a lot of children that friends and family presume that you can cope with anything.It seems that if you have 2 children and a newborn you get all the sympathy in the world for sleepless night .5 kids and hey you must be use to it.
Sorry I just need to vent Ive had the 4 year old up vomiting in the last week then the 2 year old who since was up with the bug has decided mum and dads bed is the place to be each night at 2 in the morning and a 3mth old who was sleeping through but now wakes ever 2-4 hours. Love to say I was running on adrenaline but that dried up long ago.
Well I feel better now sending my winge out into cyber space.Must go and pull the 2year old of the 4year old before there are only 4

Hey Suzanne,
I hear you loud and clear! What is that? When I had the twins and my singleton I did have all the help in the world, we even got to go out occasionally but now? Forget it! Mother's with seven kids don't need to go out don't you know, they have all the entertainment they need right here, at home! LOL (not).

Anyway, to answer your other question, yes. I do find that our babies sleep poorly in school holidays and much better when school resumes. Weekends are a written off most of the time as a bad joke. Big hugs. It's hard when everyone is sick and needs you. You feel pulled and pushed in every direction.

Welcome aboard! You will get lots of empathy AND sympathy here!!!! We all know what you're going through.

Hugs Suzanne
I think you are dead right about people assuming you can cope with anything, and we get stressed just like everyone else, esp with sick kids and broken sleep. Our 2 yr old wakes in the night and comes in our bed and i know its cos shes cold. Hope you have a good day today and the kids are better

thanks girls GF's who have 2 or 3 kids sympathies but have no idea.Im now going to force myself out of the house to brave the shops.Dont know if Ive already gone insane or trying to stay sane such a fine line dont you think.Have a great day girls.

Hi Suzanne and welcome!
I never found that I got any help at all! LOL, if you seem to be capable and able to take care of things, instead of helpless and whingy, no one thinks you could use a hand. Even if you've had major surgery, a husband who is gone quite a bit for work, and a premature baby, not to mention the other kids.
Also, with larger families, people think "ooh that's weird" so they back away.

LOL Castle! You hit the nail on the head!!
OMG that no one came to help.

hi and welcome suzanne i only have four could not imagine whats its like with five somedays i cant even handle the four ive got .its just my youngest jess sleeps with us and lately she wriggling even headbutting me in her sleep so im not getting much sleep i just cant get her out of my bed.kids they drive you crazy but you couldnt live without them.

Hi everyone and welcome suzanne
Sorry i haven't been on for a couple of days but Mitchie had croup and he is definately on the mend now, thanks for asking csab.
It really wears a mum out when they get sick. I have DD (youngest of) home at the moment with tonsilitis. It never ends i swear.
jesabell the thought of getting out there and working is pretty scary when you haven't had much experience. I just got onto this course through the government. I am going to do a cert 2 in business admin and its all for free and i can do it from home!!! I know its only a cert 2 but hey its something i suppose.
Its so true what you have all said about the help factor. We never get offered help here in fact people seem to think well hey they have heaps of kids so they won't mind an extra one or two to look after!! We wouldn't mind if the favor was returned once in a while.When i had DS 6mths ago via c sec we had no support our parents never once offered to help out not even to look after the other kids so tha DH could come up and see me and bub on his own for a bit!!! Our parents all believe that we chose to have a big family so deal with it, and then you get the we never went anywhere when we had you kids!!!! how quickly they forget both DH and I can remember lots of hols at the grandparents so where were our parents then????
Sorry guys this is a very sore subject for me, but i feel better for getting it off my chest.
Hope you all have agreat day and all your littlies are well or at least on the mend if they have been sick

Ok Girls I've noticed that we have fallen into a rut in this thread, the vibe is very negative, I have certainly contributed to that and while we all have occassions to whinge and need a shoulder to cry on from time to time and are very lucky to have each other as we totally understand where we are all coming from......Let's get positive. We are the lucky ones, We are the best damn Mummies this planet has ever seen. Lets unite and everyone say something that you think is wonderful about our large broods.

I love that we can have a party by ourselves and have enough kids for pass the parcel and pin the tail on th donkey.

I love that my children have each other to turn to and that they have a choice of who they want to play with.

I love that my children share so generously and without conscious thought (older ones, Lissa is still selfish, lol).

I love that they look out for each other.

I love that when we clean up many hands make light work.

I love having a large family and think about our fabulous family get together's in the future when my children have their own families.

It is a joy and a priveledge to be a mother of FIVE and I stand tall and stand very very proud.

Wow that was liberating, give it a go.
PS Suzanne our kids are roughly the same ages and I hear ya Sister.....I hear ya.

:redface: guilty :redface:
how easy it is to forget the ++
I love bithdays for that same reason.

I love all the extra kisses and cuddles you get at bed time

I love meal times as there is always lots to discuss about the days events, we could have a 7 course meal and still not covered everything some nights LOL

I love the fact they appreciate any new item and it doesn't matter if its NOT a name brand item

I think our kids really do appreciate things a lot more as they know it can't be replaced easily

I love that we can have games at the beach or wherever and know tha we have enough players for whatever we choose to play!!!

I absolutely love and appreciate my childrens values and i think they come from being in a big family

I love that i have been blessed with 6 beautiful healthy children


Thanks coolabahdee sometimes we do need to be reminded of the good things in life!
I say give it a go ladies, i know i feel alot better for remembering these +++

Yeah it does make you feel better doesn't it, I loved yours, so true.

O.K I survived shopping for which I am greatful
My 3 month old is sleeping for which Im greatful
My 2 year old is quietly sitting on my lap while I type this for which Im greatful
And we are eating out tonite so I dont need t cook which I am soooooo very greatful for.
Have a great night everyone and if you get some sleep pleasant dreams

I will give it a whirl.

I love that my house is always loud and busy.
I love that I get 4 lots of hugsand kisses every day.
I love that I cannot afford to give my kids everything and that they will have to learn patience before they get something.
I love that my 2 little girls are going to grow up together and have a special friendship.
I love that my son is a mad sports kid.
I love that my eldest dd is an intelligent and happy almost teenager.

What a great idea Coolabahdee!!!

I love that we can hand down clothes and school uniforms.

I love that I am never lonely.

I love that I never have to sing alone whilst listening to the radio

I love that I have 4 gorgeous kids that would never judge me and that love me unconditionally.

I love that we get a discount on school fees the more kids we have there!!

Brilliant, ladies!
I will come up with some later today...shouldn't be hard since I grew up in a large family too! Don't have time atm, LOL.