Am I a terrible mother or what? No, don't answer that ... here's the thing.

DD's father and I seperated when DD what nearly 4. I have always been strict on what she eats. Breast fed her, no tinned baby food, No McDonald's until we split and the x took her there.

When we split, we both moved back in with our own parents ... he is still there, 6 years later. He's just a real bum and he's 37 years old, and I hate the way that DD is (not) looked after when she goes there (3 out of 4 weekends and half of all the holidays).

She sits in front of the TV most of the time and they rarely do anything outside the house. She becomes really unmotivated and lazy, and no joke, if I measured the circumference of her belly, I am sure it would be bigger than mine.

I know that it's terrible for me to think that way, but I don't want her to end up like them. Her nana (who she spends most of her time with over there because her dad works most of the holidays and every saturday morning) is about 150kg, maybe more, no I am not exaggerating.

Obviously she has the genes in her to become overweight and it's a combination of nature and nurture. The 'nature' has given her the overweight gene and the 'nurture' over there doesn't help at all.

It also bothers me that she is 10 and she doesn't seem to care about how she looks. Not that I want her to be vein, but I just want her to care. And no, there's no point talking to them about it, I have done that many times, they don't think there's a problem. She's in the overweight category on the BMI (Body Mass Index) Charts, and they don't think that she's overweight - we'll she's not compared to her nana.

I don't know how to approach the subject with her. I don't want to hurt her feelings or self esteem, but I think she should be starting to take some responsibility for her own health and looks. Because she doesn't wash her hair or brush her teeth over there either. Yes I've mentioned it, and they blatently lie and tell me she does, when she herself tells me she doesn't. They didn't even have any shampoo in the house for the last 3 weeks, so I have bought some myself to give to her to take over next weekend.

DH and I go through this horrible rollar-coaster of emotions most Sundays when we pick her up, and every holidays, as that is when it is the worst. And then we get in a bad mood, but can't really discuss it with her as we don't know what to say.

Sorry for the huge winge, but I would love it if anyone out there has some advice ???