I got a wedding invitation today....

[Tinks]

I love receiving wedding invitations. For me a wedding invitation is the first glimpse of what the wedding will be like, they set the scene so to speak.

This invitation is beautiful, it is hand made, the bride has spent alot of time and effort on them. It is gold, black and blue - very simple yet elegant and the colours work well together.

So I opened it and read,

It's an invitation for a reception, they are having a private ceremony.

Down the bottom in smaller print than the rest of the invitation it says:

Please no gifts as you will be paying for your own meal

There's no asking, or requesting, just YOU WILL BE PAYING!

Is it just me or do you think there could be more tactful ways of requesting guests pay for their own meals in leiu of gifts?

It's not soemthing I would ask of my wedding guests but is this done often nowadays?

[Muppity]

Oh wow - imagine that split bill!

Or do you have to forward them the money beforehand so that noone can get there then not pay?

Seems frought with difficulty to me - but having said that - if you want a larger reception but jsut can't afford it then I suppose it is a way of getting what you want.

I wonder how much they expect you to pay. It is not unusual for a wedding to cost $100 a head.

[aussienic]

I think that is a fair request. I guess you can't put it any other way really. I would hope they are fair with meal prices.

I would ring and request a menu so you can have an idea of what costs are going to occur

[Daydream Believer]

I wouldnt have any problem paying for a meal instead of gifts however I would expect it to be worded nicer & costs on the invite as well.

[Heaven]

wtf? How tacky!!

Can you take a packed dinner instead??

[Traveller]

I think it is a fair request, if a bit rudely worded on the invitation. We had no free bar at our wedding and no-body seemed to mind this, although they got their meal paid for.

As for the reception only invite, tbh I am a little shocked that so many people seem to think this is out of order. It is commonplace in the UK to have a larger reception than wedding, although usually the wedding and meal are one thing, and then more people come for the evening dance. So to get a wedding reception invitation would raise no eyebrows. IMHO a wedding is a serious and solemn set of vows between two people in front of their closest supporters, which is then celebrated by all and sundry (if they choose).

I would call the bride and just ask about the meal, costs, etc. Also ask about the kids. If they were not mentioned on the invitation I don't think you can take it that they are invited.

[Tinks]

To be honest I'm not the least bit offended about the ceremony. I think having a small intimate ceremony would be lovely. I won't be taking the kids to the reception, it will cost me a fortune.

I just think they could have worded the pay for your own meals thing better. I found it very rude and tacky.

[Peach*]

I think the request is fair enough, I would probably do this at my wedding as the cost of a reception is huge.
I definately think it could have been worded a bit differently. It seems more like a demand than a request...

[KitFaerie]

I went to a wedding like that (except they still asked for gifts, lol!), but the invitation had the cost of the meal and a bit of a menu, it was $30 pp and we paid at the door.

[2CheekyMonkeys]

i think it is ok to request this, HOWEVER, they could have worded it better and put in more details like kinds of food on offer and prices.

[Tinks]

Do you think we'd be paying for our drinks as well or just food?

[Visitor7]

I would think that if they can't be bothered to pay for their guests meals, then they probably won't be putting on a bar tab either.
IMO, I think it's worded quite rudely. Sounds like for the guests it's going to be an expensive night.

[Jas]

I have heard of this happening but yea I think there could have a much better way to say that...maybe a little poem like ppl do when they live together and have everything so have a wishing well instead?

Also I think a price guide or where to get info etc would be good so that people on tighter budgets cann plan

[smiles4u]

I would think that if they can't be bothered to pay for their guests meals, then they probably won't be putting on a bar tab either.
IMO, I think it's worded quite rudely. Sounds like for the guests it's going to be an expensive night.

:yeahthat:

Jodi my exact same thoughts !!

... looks like it might be the new thing now in place of invites with poetic words meaning put some money in our wishing well ..... oh dear might be what's to be expect now ' rude wording ' , OMG i'm starting feel so old-fashioned !!

********* Hey Tinks bet a few at the reception had a little NNWW about it

[LionsandBears]

I imagine if they're not paying for the food, they won't be paying for drinks either (or they may put a short tab on the bar). I've not had that experience before, but that's just a guess.

I don't know if it's done more now. I know I couldn't have done it, in fact we went with fewer people so we could afford the ones who came.

[Ellee05]

I actually think it is a great idea so long as it is organised properly, although there could have been some creativity and tact in the wording!

We went to a wedding a couple of years ago where you were sent a menu with your invite and you chose what you wanted and sent the money (cheque/ money order or something) to the grooms mum (the brides mum was not involved in her life). It was great, you got to eat what you wanted, entree or no entree. They still had a cake and dance and it was at a little funky cafe/resturant. When you got there your placecard had what you'd orderded on the back and they just brought the meals out like a normal resturant.

Loved it - one of the best weddings.

After thought: I must have missed the private ceremony part... bizarre - I too think this is the most important part.

[Cupcake]

Is there any mention earlier on the invite of the cost?

If (for example) the invitation earlier says something like $50pp and then that statement at the bottom its not as rude as if it was just the statement at the bottom..does that make sense? Oh it does in my head lol

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Wow, that is dodgey. They could at least go to a cheaper place so they could afford it. I have got 2 engagement invitations in the last few weeks and I find it very suprising that they are both BYO and the invitations were nothing to brag about either.
We put alot of thought into our invites and into our wedding and engagement. We saved up every last cent for it too. I think if your invited as a guest at a wedding, you should be treated like a guest, not a customer!
Also, I think all these people asking for money as gifts is a real joke. (IMO!) I prefer to buy a gift, to give money is just like asking to pay for part of the wedding. But thats just my opinion.