Rude people on trains...

Oh I understand, and I'm not offended. But look at how hard it is to even talk about on a forum. Even the title was changed from overweight to rude, LOL. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-overweight people, I'm not a size 10 myself, and if it were a smelly person who made me uncomfortable the title would have been "smelly people on trains". But if it is this hard to talk about on a forum, it demonstrates something about how awkward it is to talk about in real life. You are right, there are no answers, but I was hoping someone would have a different perspective for next time this happens. Seems the answer just is... there is none.

She's a rude person full stop.

If she had manners and gently sat down next to you, would it have bothered you so much if her thigh was up against yours? Probably not I imagine! Recently I had a plane trip and sat next to a pretty big fella who was pretty much half in my seat. He was most apologetic and due to his attitude I didn't mind all that much.

Well I'm finding this thread quite interesting.

Recently I was on a plant flight at the end of the day, and the plane was full full full. I had tried to book an aisle seat, but plane was so full, no luck. I'm large - tall with long legs to start with, but also overweight so plane seats are on the cosy side. Much cozier than if I was a small person with a proportional degree of overweight.

Anyway, I was all settled in when my window seat companion arrived. He had no arms. He was also tall with long legs. He then had to get himself seated and searbelt done up, which involved his not very flexible prosthetic hand and also his toes, ie pulling his legs up into the hand/arm zone. So, for as much as I was encroaching on his space, he was also in mine.

We both tried to be polite and accommodating, but we were both uncomfortable. In the plane we had no choice. In a train there is - but is raises an important question: whose suffering outweighs the other persons? Who has the greatest claim to space and comfort? Is it the man with no arms (because presumably he had no choice in that)? Or is it the person who through genetics was already larger to start with? Or is the person who is experiencing the highest degree of pain? What if the man with no arms enjoys a higher degree of health and functioning than the fat person, who has a chronic disease?

Off on a bit of a tangent there, but my own opinion is we all have an equal right to comfort, regardless of our situation. I personally think what was at fault here was the design of the public transport, and it's failure to accommodate many needs.

MD, I read your post and I immediately thought, 'oh, I would have offered him a hand' to do up his seat belt. Then I realised that offering 'a hand' to a man with none could be construed as all kinds of rude...

Bigger seats would be great!

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I'm not sure being overweight is a lifestyle choice. Not showering is a lifestyle choice, but who chooses to be overweight?

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I choose to be overweight everytime I shove another piece of junk that I full well know is no good for me and is going to make me fatter into my gob - so yeah - I think it can definitely be a choice....it is for me.

So then why haven't you stopped? C'mon. It's not that easy for everyone. And not just that not every weight related issue isn't because they think fried chicken skin is a vegetable. Just as every skinny person doesn't have an eating disorder.

If only everything was so black and white, the world would be perfect.

When I was in my young 20's I was very thin, and it wasn't a choice. I have friends who are overweight, and it isn't a choice for them either.

Anyway, even if it were there choice to be overweight, does that make them less deserving of a seat? I personally don't think so.

Yeah if it was so easy there would be no fat people.

My reply was about ME - not a generalisation or black and white view on anyone else. The question who chooses to be overweight - the answer, I do. And I will go out on a limb and say if I do, then chances are, so do others....??

Anyway, totally irrelevant to the thread.

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When I was in my young 20's I was very thin, and it wasn't a choice. I have friends who are overweight, and it isn't a choice for them either.

Anyway, even if it were there choice to be overweight, does that make them less deserving of a seat? I personally don't think so.

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Not at all and I don't think anything I have said indicated that in the slightest.

Maybe it is for you, ausgirl. That's your issue, and if you choose to be overweight, I support your right to be so.

For me, to be a size 8 now, I have to eat the equivalent of a 3 year old and exercise regularly. I do that with the help of a lapband. I'd like you to tell me it was my choice to be 110kgs when I ate healthily and exercised even then, and only really lost the weight and kept it off because I have a prosthesis restricting me from eating. So lifestyle choice for you? Maybe. Not so for most other people. So I personally don't think you speak for all of them. You certainly don't speak for me.

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Not at all and I don't think anything I have said indicated that in the slightest.

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I didn't say you indicated that :). I'm just tying what you said back into the topic. I don't think I'd react differently if I knew they were overweight by choice, compared to a medical condition.

Some people are just incredibly ignorant and too self involved to even realise they are doing things like that!! I've had that happen to me before in the past and it's horrible!! Makes you feel so uncomfortable. I've actually gotten up off buses/trains in the past because the person next to me was sitting waaaay too close or breathing down my neck (literally) or looking at what I was reading or their hair was rubbing on my shoulder (eeewww!) so I just had to get up!!!!!! Standing was much better than putting up with that cr*p!

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Maybe it is for you, ausgirl. That's your issue, and if you choose to be overweight, I support your right to be so.

For me, to be a size 8 now, I have to eat the equivalent of a 3 year old and exercise regularly. I do that with the help of a lapband. I'd like you to tell me it was my choice to be 110kgs when I ate healthily and exercised even then, and only really lost the weight and kept it off because I have a prosthesis restricting me from eating. So lifestyle choice for you? Maybe. Not so for most other people. So I personally don't think you speak for all of them. You certainly don't speak for me.

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Interesting - and sorry totally not to topic and I'll finish here - perhaps what I have in my head as overweight is really actually not truely over weight in the eyes of others - I currently weigh 80kg and I am tall.....I feel overweight, so yeah, I do think there is a really big difference between my 'choice' and others who are 'more' overweight. Not sure any of that made sense! But thanks for making me think about it from another's perspective.

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So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

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YES!!!! Cigarette smoke repulses me and is the worst smelling odour EVER.... but that's JMO and for another thread :hiding: I cough and splutter whenever those smokers stand 1-3mtrs to the shopping centre entrance, where not only me but my children are forced to breathe it in.....

Disability or choice, your bum either fits on one seat or it doesnt.

The question is, if it doesnt, do you then have a right to infringe on the seats and anatomy of the people next to you? Or do you stand, or wait until 2 adjoining seats become avaliable?.

Much to ponder..... :D

No. No one does. I think that's been pretty much established. And if someone was that large that they overtook my seat, I actually would consider them disabled. And in most states they are, and as such are entitled to the priority seating. And if the average person didn't assume that every overweight person got that way due to opening their mouth and making a "choice" then maybe they wouldn't feel judgement, would sit in these seats instead.

My point is, I'm sure there are people who are inconsiderate, but that doesn't mean every person is. Judge the person's behaviour not their aesthetics.