Rude people on trains...

[toomanyshoes]

I can see your point M.
I think that there comes a point in life where you need to accept that some of your lifestyle choices can and will impact upon other poeple. And I dont think that other poeple should suffer because its not PC to say, "hey, you really dont fit in that seat"
An airline would not let you do it, if your butt doesnt fit into one seat, then you need to buy two.
Tough call though, who wants to be THE person that says something

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

[Phteven]

Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me?

There is no law against being rude.

[sushee]

This reminds me of a story. I was the last to board a plane not long ago, and as I boarded, I noticed that a couple who were already in their seats were craning their necks to see who was coming up the aisle. As I sat down in the empty seat next to them, the man said 'oh thank god, we were worried you'd be a fatty'. I'd have loved to see what a ****head he would have been had I sat next to him 4 years ago.

And the irony? He then spent the flight trying to 'spread out' into my space. Rude, rude, rude man, who proves yet again my point that being overweight and being rude have nothing to do with each other. Because had I still been 110kgs, he probably would have told all his friends after about how *I* invaded his space.

[Livinthedream]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

[toomanyshoes]

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

[Phteven]

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

Can we put the people who wear so much perfume that it makes my eyes water in the same place? And also people who read the Daily Telegraph? And people who wear tracksuits in public that are not athletes (or even athletic) and the people with dodgy hair extensions....

Actually....... it would be easier just to give me my own carriage that is invitation only. And if you're not on the list they can throw you out whilst the carriage is moving

[little_O]

Can we put the people who wear so much perfume that it makes my eyes water in the same place? And also people who read the Daily Telegraph? And people who wear tracksuits in public that are not athletes (or even athletic) and the people with dodgy hair extensions....

Actually....... it would be easier just to give me my own carriage that is invitation only. And if you're not on the list they can throw you out whilst the carriage is moving

haha can i join the list

Guess thats the beauty of "public" transport. We just ahve to suck it up and hope the "offenders" are getting off soon!

[Phteven]

*Adds little_O +1 to the list*

[nothing2lose]

Put me on your list too Onyx. Two seats please. I like to spread mah fat out.

[Maruschke]

But by telling her that she has invaded my personal space I am basically telling her to stand up. There is no middle ground, she was unable to sit AND not invade my space. I find it rude... or at least uncomfortable, to demand that a person stand. I know it's a sensitive topic, but I'm actually asking how to best be polite to them, and sensitive to the fact that they might not have chosen this condition, I am not trying to marginalise them or put them down. After all, I could have stood and let her have the seat without her feeling uncomfortable (because I'm sure she didn't feel great either). And I don't think she is less deserving of a seat than me, even if I am pregnant, because at this stage I am quite capable of standing.

[Livinthedream]

Nobody asked you to take your "fat but" outside, just that you dont place it upon thier leg whilst sitting on the train

[sushee]

If someone is invading your personal space - say so. Though to be fair, I may be able to put my bag down on the floor but I may not be able to move my butt far enough to suit some people.

I think this is about getting hurt by this lady. If M was getting hurt, she has a right to say she's getting hurt and to ask the person next to her stop hurting her. And she's mentioned that she feels like that was taboo due to the weight of the person. Though I don't think any reasonable person would willingly continue to hurt someone, once told that they are. If they did, THAT would make them rude. And that's the issue, not the weight of the person, though from some of the comments since, it seems as though the weight of others is considered an imposition on some.

In my opinion, that's pretty rude too.

[little_O]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

I actually agree that you should be able to. Yes its their personal and lifestyle choice, but it is also mine to not smoke and have to smell that. But unfortunately i am too polite to even request the person who blows smoke into my face in a public place to stop. As onyx said sometimes you just hold your breath and bear it.

I dont think M was having a "weight" issue discussion, more so than a "personal space" discussion. As others have said, if you are invading someone else's space (no matter size, shape, form, gender etc) you're the one at fault, what gives you more rights than the other person. Its part of good manners.

[Shanti]

Some people are just incredibly ignorant and too self involved to even realise they are doing things like that!! I've had that happen to me before in the past and it's horrible!! Makes you feel so uncomfortable. I've actually gotten up off buses/trains in the past because the person next to me was sitting waaaay too close or breathing down my neck (literally) or looking at what I was reading or their hair was rubbing on my shoulder (eeewww!) so I just had to get up!!!!!! Standing was much better than putting up with that cr*p!

[Shanti]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

YES!!!! Cigarette smoke repulses me and is the worst smelling odour EVER.... but that's JMO and for another thread I cough and splutter whenever those smokers stand 1-3mtrs to the shopping centre entrance, where not only me but my children are forced to breathe it in.....

[Livinthedream]

Disability or choice, your bum either fits on one seat or it doesnt.

The question is, if it doesnt, do you then have a right to infringe on the seats and anatomy of the people next to you? Or do you stand, or wait until 2 adjoining seats become avaliable?.

Much to ponder.....

[trishalishous]

Disability or choice, your bum either fits on one seat or it doesnt.

The question is, if it doesnt, do you then have a right to infringe on the seats and anatomy of the people next to you? Or do you stand, or wait until 2 adjoining seats become avaliable?.

Much to ponder.....

Interesting point!
And personally I will stand rather than share a seat with someone, I feel claustrophobic on crowded public transport as it is! (I also plan to leave at least 2 buses/trains/trams early, so if its too full I can wait for an emptier one, rather than be crammed into a full one)