Bring a plate etiquette

[Astrid]

Just wondering what other peoples' thoughts are on bringing a plate etiquette.

This has come up as we have a friend who was complaining the other day that when her husband gets together with his friends that he does not bring back any of the cake he takes. Her argument is that their DD helps to make it and she should have a slice. The 2 of us that were there argued with her that if you bring a plate that there is to be no expectation to bring any food back and if she really thinks their DD should have a slice then cut a slice and leave it with her before taking it, or bake a second cake.

So, my take on it is that if you bring a plate don't expect to take food home. If there are lots of leftovers, then leave them for the host/hostess (a perk of hosting) or share them amongst everyone else there. I would prefer someone else to take home what I bought and I take home something else.

The exception is something that is either very expensive or rare that you keep control of, such as a good bottle of port, or in our case DH's homebrew meads. A lot of work goes into one bottle, so it is not being left anywhere.

Ok, so what does everyone else think or do you have a funny bring a plate story?

**BTW Mods - it would be nice to have a etiquette section ***

[Pandora]

I would never expect to take it home with me, unless the host asked people to take food home when it was time to go.
I do get a bit cranky though, at bring a plate, when the host/ess puts what I've brought in to their pantry and doesnt serve it - Ive been to a few thing (non BB related I will add!) where all the food that guests have brought has dissappeared and completely different items served..very strange..

[Tinks]

I wouldn't expect to take any of the food home either. If her DD wants a slice she should cut it up and save her a slice.

Alcohol is a different matter though. I'll quite often take a bottle of wine as a gift to the host, so if it doesn't get opened or doesn't get finished it doesn't matter. If I take something for myself to drink I will take whatever is left home.

[PinkPalace]

if you take a plate then you leave it there.
If you take wine as a gift you leave it there
if it is BYO alcohol you take it with you

[{sarah}]

My only problem is with leaving my good platters / containers at people's houses & never getting them back I really must do a ring aorund to get them back LOL!

But yes I agree with PP, unless the host requests you take it home with you.

[DoubleK]

i would be more worried about my serving plate than the food! i think its just a hassle of you leave your 'plate'.

as for the food, i wouldnt expect to take any left overs home, but if the host offered i would either just take it, or ask if anyone else wants it.

if it were me, i'd ask whoever bought it if they want the food- let them decide! at DD's first birthday, we had so much food left over (which was all supplied by me, mum and MIL) i offered it to people to take home (more so my single uncle, and my nan, as she doesnt do much cooking)

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

TBH, I've never really thought about it! Just thinking back on past experiences though, I've always split up the leftovers between the people who are still there when I start clearing, so everyone gets a bit. But if they've come over for dinner and I've made it all, I do put it all in my fridge, because we'll use it for work the next day.

I know when my aunt used to have big parties, she would encourage everyone to take their plates, including anything on them, when they left - it just got rid of the hassle of trying to find original owners!

Interesting question!

[Astrid]

I know in the case of this cake it normally gets eaten, so there is rarely a time where he would be able to take some home. There was one time when they had all travelled to see us. The table and kitchen had to be cleared so dinner could be cooked and served. So everything, no matter what it was or who bought it, was quickly packed up and shoved in the fridge or pantry just to get it out of the way. Later the husband made a huge drama about finding the last piece of this cake, DH actually felt quite upset by it and we were quite annoyed with the husband as it was just a slice of cake! It was not done in a "BTW where did the cake go" kind of way, but in a "I must get it back!!" way. So now we feel a bit guilty as we now know he was being hassled by his wife to get it back

Rayray - I do notice that some host/esses are odd. I find some will only put out the homemade food and if you bring a packet of biscuits they leave it unopened at the back of the table. So often at the end of the gathering it is still unopened.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Urgh I agree with the others, I get annoyed when people ask me to take my food home... I just want my platter back...

but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks!
Sorry, rant LOL!

[Rivlas]

We have just been to a function where it was bring a plate. I made some slices and just put a bit of each on the plate. When it was time to go there was only a couple of pieces left as they were tipped onto another plate and I took home a clean plate. I know the salads that were leftover the owners took them home also. I have noticed that if you make a salad and its in your bowl you will bring home the leftovers.
I have learnt over the years never to leave the bowl/plate behind as it sometimes takes forever to get it back, then find you need it the next week.

[Astrid]

but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks!
Sorry, rant LOL!

There was a great discussion ages ago about BYO meat for bbq's, it was very interesting as it touched on the whole is it ever ok to ask someone to bring food. Wonder if it is still around?

[jackrose]

**BTW Mods - it would be nice to have a etiquette section ***

I like this idea!

[briggsy's girl]

i tend to ask the hostess what is needed - if i get a vague "i dunno" answer, i'm the first to buy something in a packet that i don't care if it gets opened or not - so much better to have them stay fresh than lots of wasted food! if i'm asked to take home something i've taken cos there are left overs, i'll usually organise with others in a similar situation to "share" stuff so we take a mixed plate each - and then feed it to DH if he hasn't been there... if we take freshly baked food, he's usuallly baked it anyway...

if i'm having something here, and people offer to bring something, i tend to ask what so that i can make sure we dont triple up on one thing, have nothing of another... it works for us pretty well

[Nadine216]

We host ever so often and I will ring up the guest wives and tell them exactly what to bring. Salad, Desert, Drinks, Savory snacks. That way you don't get 5 starches and no veggies Or for BBQ you then have to bbq, so that you don't do chicken, fish, steak and pork on one grill!!

If it's clients, I prepare the whole meal myself.

If we go to guests, and the hostess says I don't have to bring anything. I drag along some savory snacks, our own drinks and something homebaked as a gift. I will then take my drinks home (if it's alcohol, not if it's soda) but leave the savory snacks. If I'm asked to bring something like a salad I do that and don't expect to take anything home. I then also take a gift for the hostess .. a small potted plant, flowers, choclates, biscuts, homemade jams ... anything nice.

[Trillian]

Good Lord! Who wants to bother with taking home ONE piece of cake? If this is a really issue for her then suggest that she slice the cake and arrange it on the plate nicely and then just keep one for her DD - also solves the issue of having to cut it at the party and finding a knife. Personally I never bother with taking food home - if it's still edible I usually ask the host for another plate/dish to put it in and get some gladwrap and cover it and pop it in their fridge (I usually always tend to help the host pack up the food) or if it's beyond saving I bin it and take home my plate/dish. I rarely use my good plates - I have a couple from the $2 shop that look reasonable enough to display in public LOL so I don't have to worry if it doens't come back.

[*Ang*]

I never assume that I will be bringing any food home from take a plate things unless the host insists. Mind you, I usually dump anything left over in the bin anyway - most places that are bring a plate mean food has been sitting out for ages and lots of people have touched it or hovered over it, other things have been dropped on it or it just generally looks unappetising by the end of the event.

Like most others sometimes taking home bits and pieces of food is more of an inconvenience. As long as I get my platter/bowl back I am happy.

What I do get annoyed at like someone else has mentioned is when my food is not served. This happened recently to me over Easter when I made the most delicious chocolate cake and it wasnt bought out. I was so annoyed.