Why do you do nice things?

[Traveller]

Inspired by Olive's lovely post about helping an old man...

Do you do nice things for strangers? Why?

For example, if the person in front of you at the checkout was 50c short to pay for their shopping would you pay? What if it was $5, or $10?
Would you give a lift to a stranger who needed it? Why would you do this, for reward, public recognition, or private boost? Has someone helped you like this and you are just paying it forward?

A person on my facebook (not a friend but one of those awkward situations where I can't find a way to delete her without making university uncomfortable) recently posted that she's glad she has been giving a lift to another student because now that person has been buying her gifts and I found it odd. Not that she shouldn't appreciate the gifts but it was the way it was stated which was basically "more people should do nice things because then people buy you stuff". But am I unusual and is her attitude more common?

Just musing, would be interested in your thoughts

[Rouge]

Ew. You don't do nice things for people to get stuff. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative.

I do what I think is right. If that happens to be being nice then so be it. If someone needs something I have and it won't put me or my family out I'll help. I don't go overboard though. But I do think that you get what you give back, and I do think you should treat others how you would like to be treated. And pay it forward and all that. It's what I always say to people that I help. Don't help me back, help someone else.

And Olive, I still think that was super awesome

[Eenee]

I do nice things because it makes me feel good I don't do it for anything in return although a smile of apreciation would be nice.

[RockingBaker]

I am a big believer in helping where I can. I paid for a woman's fuel a few months back because she had forgot her wallet, was struggling with a little baby and was close to tears when she realized she couldn't pay. It was $20 and it saved her heartache. DH thinks it's mad sometimes but I remember when mine were little and things were hard, just little things made my day better. I didn't expect her to pay me back (even though she offered repeatedly), I was just trying to do a good thing for someone. We try and pass that onto our kids, being nice to others and helping people when they need it (and so far most of it is sticking). I can't say to them do xyz and not practice it in my own life ITMS.

[Traveller]

I realise I forgot to answer my own question

I do nice things when I can because I have received help in my life and I am just paying it forward. I have to admit though I feel good when I do something nice for a stranger, kind of like a high, so maybe I am doing nice things to get something in return. Not getting stuff in return, but that nice feeling. Not sure what to do about that though.

Rouge, you are so correct in your call of manipulative, that is exactly what this person is.

[myturn]

I think it's the very very very rare person who would do something purely for altruistic reasons. There's nothing wrong with doing something nice because it makes you feel good. I think that's honest and the 'true' reason most people do nice things... They just probably don't Realise consciously.

I am nice because I like the feeling and I think it makes me a 'good person' - whatever that means

I probably don't do it with money much, but holding doors, saying Thankyou, helping people lift things etc etc etc.... It's just nice, and feels good. And people usually smile at you, and that feels good.

[Tinks]

I never give it a 2nd thought. I just do it.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I probably don't do it with money much, but holding doors, saying Thankyou, helping people lift things etc etc etc.... It's just nice, and feels good. And people usually smile at you, and that feels good.

Exactly this ^. I do nice things because the smile and thanks i get just feels nice and i do what i would hope someone else would do for me. The generosity of strangers is sometimes overwhelming.

[sushee]

I'm sure I do nice things. I can't remember what though! Generally speaking, I guess I try to be considerate. Holding lifts open, helping someone carry something, spending lots of time looking for the perfect present, giving people lifts. That sort of thing.

Though yesterday I received a MASSIVE box in the mail and I picked it up from the bottom of my office building. Some random guy ran over and carried it all the way to my desk for me. And now the guy I work with has offered to carry it all the way to my car.

People are nice. I want to be that nice right back.

[beckoes]

i wouldnt do nice things to get something in return, although a thank you is nice.

Dh does alot more random nice things than me, not cause im a big meany, i think he just sees the opportunities more than i do. i agree with the pay it forward train of thought.

[Mum2SweetCs]

I do nice things but expect nothing in return.

I also prefer not to mention the nice things I do as a verse in the bible always struck a cord with me but I have a brain freeze at the moment.

It basically says you don't need recognition for the charity you do and I truly believe in not having to shout from the top of my lungs that wow I helped some one out.

Why do I do nice things? I think because I was brought up where nice things were done for our family. We were poor and there were always a number of people willing to help our family to which I am still grateful for today.

[LionsandBears]

I believe doing nice things for people when you can is a kindness. I value kindness and compassion and try to practice it as much as I can. It makes me feel good about myself. Who says that altruism has to hurt or be emotionally neutral? I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good about being kind to people. I think it's lovely.

I do think there is a difference in being kind and being needy or a people pleaser. I've seen people, normally women, desperately trying to please people, and think, this isn't because the others need help, but she needs to feel needed. There is a lack in her that she is trying to fill and if people arent 'grateful' to her for all that she's doing, she feels let down. It's hard to explain, but that kind of emotional well puts me off. Maybe it's manipulative. I guess I don't feel the motivation is altruism, but more a kind of feeding off others to feel better about herself.

[Traveller]

That's quite like my dad L&B, I would say he borders on narcassistic. When we were poor in Scotland he offered by husband a job if we relocated to England to be near him but we couldn't accept because knowing my dad he was doing it so he could tell everyone how he saved us when we were struggling and how he had to give his SIL a job so that everyone would know how wonderful he was. Whereas my MIL lent us the money to come back to Australia, a much bigger and more expensive gesture and I know it was purely from the goodness of her heart so we didn't need to struggle so much.

[Rouge]

I think it is manipulative. It's not pure and I think it taints the act. Just like doing it because you think you should rather than because you want too.

I have the opposite problem where people think I'm too nice and that aggravates me. Its not an effort for me otherwise I wouldn't do it. And I am pretty quick at weeding out the needy and the dependants. Or those who don't reciprocate but expect the world from me.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I TY to do nice things for other people (including strangers).

I have paid the difference in someones shopping before, left the $1 in the trolley for the next person who couldn't find a coin.
I do it to help someone else out plain and simple, i'd also hope that IF i was ever a couple of $$ short someone might say here don't worry.

If i help a friend i do it because they are my friend, not because they MIGHT get me a gift or it means they owe me, thats not how i work.

[jlk]

I like to think that I do nice things without even thinking about it, it just happens

[SunnyRain]

I found an ipod touch in the playground and tried really hard to find the owner, called local high schools and put up posters. I didn't go to the police because I doubted they would actively try to find the owner. Eventually I took it to the Apple store to see if it was registered.

It was. But the Apple guy was so weird and rude to me, treated me like an idiot. I have no idea why. He asked me if I wanted to give the owner my details and I said "no, that's not necessary." I didn't want anything or to make them feel like they owed me. This just made the Apple guy treat me even worse.

I left the store feeling like sh**. But I wouldn't have done it any differently (I will, however, never go back to an Apple store).

[Phteven]

I've always assumed I do nice things because I am an animal that lives in a herd and it's biologically hardwired into me to advance the needs of the herd and therefore propagate my species.