Unfortuantely I don't get on BB much these days (just no time!) so I feel bad just coming in to sook/rant rather than be there to help/chat to others but got to let this out somewhere. NO one need reply.
We are TTc no3#. DS was IUI, DD was IVF and we have lost a lot along the way ( a total of 8 bubs now including my current m/c)
I was so relaxed going into this journey this time around, thinking we had had our share of c#@p and maybe I would just get pg 1st or 2nd try and all would be dandy!
Hahaha.... says the universe as it throws more failure our way!
Our first FET (last remaining embie from the cycle which made DD) ended with chemical pg - I dealt with that ok
Stim IVF -BFN -pretty gutted but we got a frostie so I was thankful
next FET - BFP - OHHH YAY how relieved and thankful I was. This was going to be my smooth pg...surely? Nope, HCG;s started to drop pretty quickly and am now miscarrying at 5.5weeks. Have never actually m/c this early before so just not really prepared for it sll.
All those old feelings of sadness,anger,fear etc have come flooding back and I HATE it. I just want to be happy and hace something to look forward to.
Please don't get me wrong, I know FULL well how lucky I am to have 2 gorgeous children and I am eternally grateful but I just can't help that yearning for another.
I'm not sure I will ever be truly "content" without that last child in our lives
Anyway not sure really what I'm trying to say other than I'm peeved with the world and just want things to go as planned for once. Thats not to hard is it?
MY FS is ok with us to go straight into another stim cycle if hormones all "flat" when I have a BT tomorrow which I am keen to do just to get moving forward. HOwever, I also just don't want to have to do anymore jabbing, pilling etc etc -I'm over the whole deal already. I know we haven't done to many cycles this time around but I think its an accumulation of ALL the cycles we have done over the years.
Agggh - I guess I'll feel more positive in a few days.
Really sorry to hear you've lost another M
It's only natural you're fed up with the whole process as well. Would a bit of a break help? I guess there's only one thing that makes all this worthwhile
Aw, meredith, big hugs to you. It never gets any easier, IMO, even though we are grateful for our successes, the losses still hurt like hell. Take care of yourself.
In a couple of days your going to get back on that horse Hun, and do it all over again, because that's what we do in ltttc land. I hope your levels even out and you can start Stims as soon as your ready
Until then (hugs )
Last edited by Bengal; November 13th, 2011 at 04:15 PM.
I'm so sorry to hear your news, and feel heartbroken for you. I hope BT shows levels are good and you can move forward, but so sorry that you have to do this again. It's just not fair. Thinking of you xx
Thanks ladies - its so nice to know someone is listening.
I'm still truly peeved with the universe at the moment but feeling better.
As some small comfort, at least this m/c has been "simple". I have always had complicated m/c's so this one "textbook" I guess.
My BT yesterday showed hormones all back at baseline so we are back on the horse with another antagonist cycle.
I was signing all the usual forms last night and noticed this will be cycle no 13 - hope its lucky 13!
My DS who is nearly 5 summed it all up for me the other day. He has been asking regularly if the baby is still growing in my belly, so I had to tell him that sadly, no, the baby had died. HIs answer was "oh, so does that mean we have to do it all again?!" - said with a frustrated -"not agaaain" tone. Just how I was thinking buddy!
I feel bad venting about myself here too but you pretty much summed up how I feel. My DD too 3 years, an ectopic pregnancy (abdominal), removal of endo and fibroids and 10 ivf cycles to achieve and now I'm trying for no 2. So after thinking I might catch a break and get pregnant quickly this time it took two years and 5 ivf cycles to get a BFP. And then what happens.........it turns out to be a cornual ectopic pregnancy. I'd prepared myself for this to be a blighted ovum and for a D & C but it turns out even my pessimism wasn't pessimistic enough. Worse than a D & C they won't operate on a cornual ectopic (unless they have to) so I've had to have methotrexate and can't even try again for at least 2 months (assuming the methotrexate works which it didn't last time).
So I've had two very rare ectopic pregancies - one abdominal and one cornual, neither in my tubes. Why can't I hit these sort of statistics when I by tattslotto tickets? Words can't really describe how unfair it feels
Im so sorry to hear you have been through so much pain. Sending you positive vibes and hope that whatever happens you find peace with. Good luck and VENT AWAY!
I'm so sorry for yet another heartbreak for you. It really doesn't seem fair that some people cop so much bad luck and others get by without any at all. Don't get me wrong - I don't wish it on anyone but it is so hard when numbers keep on adding up.
I'm one loss behind you and two kids as well so I completely understand the feeling of being so angry at the world but still so grateful for what you do have. I wish yu all the best of luck for this cyle, and hope it is indeed lucky no. 13
ETA: Sorry. Just realised this is an old-ish thread. Hope all is well with you.
Last edited by LuluHB; January 7th, 2012 at 08:39 PM.
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BellyBelly Member
Just need to vent
vent away hun.
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