I've been thinking a lot lately about family planning...and I was to put this in a general discussion thread, but then got to the end and thought I would just make it it's own post. This is just rambling a of what is going on my head... But would love some input
We have to do Ivf, no other options. So no chance of a natural surprise ever happening, so it really is planning everything to a T, (one of the many things I hate about Ivf...anyway) DH is a lot older than me, and it wasn't until I did the maths and worked out how old he would be when Spcok turned 18 it really hit me with his side of it....
So we have one frozen, which I can't not give a go, because I will always want more children than we have, no matter how many we get, but I don't have much hope for it cause it is a day 5 and the day 5 we have tf have never worked. Only the day 2 have (Spock and quark). I've decided it's not practical for us to go back for another full cycle and pick up. As much as I want to, we shouldn't. So I will either only have 2 children, or 3 if we are really super lucky.... And I know that is awesome and I am thankful we even had options and got Spock and quark but I'll never be complete.... My whole life I have wanted 5 or 6 kids...
Being pg has helped with this decision, cause I'm able to use my head. But I know after quark is born I might struggle with it, esp. If when we do go tf our last little one I will be really stressed and it will be really hard... So if I get this out now, then it's a start .
I think knowing when you're "done" when IVF is the only option is really hard. For "normal" couples, cost of getting pregnant doesn't factor. Being pregnant and having a baby does, but IVF adds a complicating factor to the mix.
I always wanted a big family too. Hubby is 43 in September. So our dd will be 21 when he is 64.... On the other hand his dd who he had at 30 will be 33... It's a whole different world. I'd love to keep trying till I was 42-43 ish for another, but realistically we would have to decide if the financial and emotional cost was too high. We want to enjoy our life with the two children we do have and if it starts impacting on our wellbeing we might need to be satisfied with what we have. I can at least say I got one daughter and I feel thankful, cause I know not everyone gets that chance.
Subbing...
My DP is a lot older than I am too, so I can get how that feels, no chance of a natural surprise here either. Not even sure at current moment if there's a chance for an assisted mirical yet...
He's always loved the idea of lots of kids, he has 3 already, and I'd love at least to have 3 myself. I'm just hoping we can get one in there..
I think all your thoughts sound quite reasonable atm. As a fellow ltttc'er I get the age thing, the planning thing & the wanting 6 children thing! I can imagine its frustrating that you know you will never have a surprise. It makes the decision to stop seem so final. Perhaps after your second child is here, your feelings might change again. And if you are lucky a third time, you feelings might change again. Or your last embryo could split in to two, you could have twins... then you would have 4 children?! Who knows. I guess you wont know until it all happens, but that might be something to wait for.
Personally, I always wanted a big family. Like you, I wanted at least 4, up to 6. But after having my precious boy, I look at his sweet face & know I would find peace if I never had another. He is so amazing, gorgeous & I am extremely lucky to have him. Of course I want another, I am aiming to start trying in the next month or two. But I can honestly say I wont be trying as hard as I did to have my first. I just don't have that sort of resolve left. And like myturn, I don't want that sort of ttc strain on my family. Ltttc definitely took its toll. I have one genetically perfect embryo, and a couple of day 2's left. I doubt whether I will do another stim cycle after they are gone. Who knows how I'll feel when that time comes, but its how I feel atm.
My current thoughts on family planning
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