Long Term TTC & Assisted Conception ~ December 2006

Holly,

OMG on how rude that lady was! Honestly, how would she know about what heartache you've had? How presumptious of her!

Megan (TwoMums) I don't think your Dr has a very good bedside manner at all. As someone who did, well, a lot of cycles, all my FS ever said was 'it takes time', 'it's a numbers game', 'we'll try everything and will keep going for as long as you want', 'all it takes is one embryo to succeed'.

These are the things you need to hear to help stoke the huge reserve of strength you need to stay on this rollercoaster.

:

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Maybe he thinks that i really dont have much of a chance at all of ever conceiving or maybe they dont want to waste anymore sperm on me

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I don't blame you for being upset, but you deserve every chance possible of conceiving, so don't let some insensitive medico tell you otherwise!

Megan if your FS has that type of attitude maybe it would be best to find someone else. If he's not supportive or positive than how can you be. Good luck!

Holly I have been on a Cystic Fibrosis site where I was attacked for simply asking a question about other parents who decided to have more children when they have a child with CF. I was basically told that I was morally corupt for even considering it. After a few days of arguing I never posted on that site again. I never understand why people get so angry on forums, its so easy to just ignore it if you don't agree, unlike if they were in your face. Anyway like you said its better to stick with BB!

Iris and Holly, I simply cannot believe that other people can behave in such a way! I guess it is one of those things that makes belly belly stand out as such an amazingly helpful and supportive place!

Twomums, I think if my doctor said things like that to me, I'd be seriously wanting to hit him, or at least switch doctors! It must be tough trying to decide what to do in that situation.

I'm through the first week of my incredible dietary torture - and I've lost 2kg! My acupuncturist is really pleased with how I'm going, and how effective the FS's diet has been (I didn't do anywhere near so well on the one she put me on!), and says she can see that I look thinner than I did last week - mainly because my face is starting to lose the puffy, bloated look I've been sporting for a while. The current plan now involves getting DH in for some treatments (and she's going to try to nag him into following the same diet I'm on) to get him fitter, healthier and hopefully improve his sperm as much as we are able to without getting the varicocele repair done. We can't get DH into a new specialist until April, and I don't feel entirely comfortable with marching into ICSI without doing something to improve things. I snuck a tiny bit of chocolate today, that I'm going to completely ignore and just not record it in the food diary (:shhh: don't tell my FS!), and funnily enough I didn't really enjoy it that much! It seems that carrot sticks are now officially better than chocolate! :lol:

After a rough few days feeling really down about the insulin results and the delay in starting IVF, I'm feeling positive about things again. Probably because I'm really starting to see the difference that it is making in terms of how I feel, and the advantage of having the time to mentally prepare for IVF before jumping in and starting.

BW

Ok it was all in my head... call it another clomid symptom or how it manifests in one like myself, paranoia and anxiety...but i sorted all the maybes out from the last post with my Dr. But thank you all for your comments, it helped me with confronting my doctor about what he really meant.

He said that we would have to pick out another donor after the next try, because there is none left from this guy... so if we really wanted a pregnancy from this donor, that we should try IVF with ICSI with the last vial. Gee if i had of known that i would have said that at this stage, im not fussy about the donor...

He said that it was obvious that because we were in his office that we didnt want to give up and throw the towel in after this IUI, so he thinks the best thing to do would be have the IVF/ICSI with the last vial.

I told him that i haven't really had that many IUI's yet, and if we had to choose another donor from the US ($400 per vial) we would... but he told me that with low egg quality i could be doing IUI for a really long time before i conceive and that it would cost me a fortune where as in his opinion, i had a better chance having a baby by doing the ICSI with my eggs past history, no matter what sperm i chose.

I mean he is thinking of the expense side of things for me... at the moment it costs us $580 with a rebate from medicare of $480, so about $100 each IUI. But once i run out of the aussie donor sperm, it will be another $400 for the sperm, so $500 out of pocket each attempt... which is better than $2000 odd out of pocket each IVF cycle if you ask me. Thats 4 IUI cycles. Doing an IUI cycle every 2 months, thats only $250 a month!!

His point is that i could do a lot more than 4 IUI cycles before i get pregnant, and i'm not getting any younger and neither are my eggs. (My mother went through early menopause at 33). He thinks that one successful IVF/ICSI cycle is better than numerous unsuccessful IUI cycles. This is so much info and stuff to think about, i can't get my head around it anymore...I just dont know what to do...

Hi ladies, just thought I'd pop in and let you know how i'm going - not so hot really. I am not responding well to the injectoins and yesterday my FS doubled my dose - to 300iu :eek:

I had a massive panic attack/meltdown last night but after a session of acupuncture today (my first) I am feeling better.

Did any of you experience this - a slow response to begin with and then an increased dose? I am trying not to lose hope here.

Holly - I cannot agree with you more about other forums. There is another site I sometimes visit but rarely post, and I can guarantee every time i log on there are people abusing each other, judging each other and generally just being nasty! I have not once seen this on BB. Sure people disagree, but it doesn't turn into an all out slinging match!

:heartbeat: I love BB :heartbeat:

willow - so sorry you're struggling at the moment. i know it's hard when you're thrown a curve ball, but i'm sure your FS is doing what he needs to - i'm wondering if maybe he's started you on a lower dose just to check your response to it all? i know sometimes a meltdown seems like the worst thing to happen - but i find that if i don't let it all out occassionally, i start going nuts (i'm so glad DH is massively supportive when they happen!)

TwoMums - i'm glad you got clarification of what your doc was talking about yesterday - at least you now have a clear pic of what he's looking at doing for you for treatment. Good luck with it all!

BW - WOW - you sound so much happier today - that's awesome - i'm glad things are looking up for you!

As for the sniping on the other forums - what's the point? i think you get so much more out of a supportive environment! if you're so opinionated that no one else is allowed their own point of view, you're not really the kind of person others want to talk to anyway!! i'm so glad everyone i've encountered so far on BB has been so welcoming and good natured.

as for me - i definitely think it was just work getting to me yesterday - not the spray. felt fine last night after taking it, then crook again today. everything at work has come to a head the last two days, so i'm a little freaked out by it all - i put in a formal complaint about one of my managers - and got feedback that she's to receive a written warning and further privacy breaches may result in loss of her job - i'm happy that they've taken me seriously in my issues, but dreading the fallout when it all hits the fan next week! feeling pretty ok tonight - no work for a couple of days now (well, i still have to paint, but that's not really work....!) - yay!!

:hug: BG, stay strong! Remember she's the one who has done the wrong thing, not you. If she's going to so blatantly do the wrong thing, then something does need to be said. I went through hell with my job last year, so I do know how it feels! Hang in there, but take time off when you need it.

Willow, the acupuncture is amazing stuff! I'm glad it has helped, and I'm glad you are feeling better. I too hit a really rough patch earlier this week, I've generally picked myself up, but I can go through moments in a day where I'm so positive and happy that this is the right way to go... and then I can suddenly switch and get all the frustration back.

Twomums, clomid did a number on my state of mind, too. I ended up off work for a week on stress leave after a complete break down at work, and on top of that it didn't make me ovulate! I hope it does work for you and that the IUI does the trick. Is there any reason you are reluctant to do the ICSI? My FS told me that I'd be doing it anyway, regardless of how good my DH's sperm was, as it gives a better result with my PCOS. It's all a very steep learning curve at the moment!

BW

Well girls, check out my new signature! So i really so belong in here. Even after all the self diagnosing, actually being told still hurts like hell. I managed to compose myself in the surgery, waited well all my test results all were printed out, got my scans and got the car before it was all too much. Yes I know you can do things about it, but its still not fair:crying:
So after a nights sleep. went and by some chance in the local dept. store saw a low Gi guide to managing PCOS. Well it was wonderful written write up to the part where it says "women with pcos who do get pregnant stand a 40% chance of spontaneous miscarriage in the first 3 months of pregnancy. I had to stop reading, nothing else is sinking in apart from those words. Not only am I having trouble conceiving and now been offically told, now if i manage :fertilise: I have 40% chance of not keeping it.

I read all of your posts even if Im not personally replying yet, and I dont know how you do it. Your inner strength is something I long to have.

Summer, those statistics are just heart-breaking, aren't they? :hug: It scares me half to death that we are going to spend so much money and go through so much just to get pregnant, and then with the PCOS there's a chance I might not keep it, add to that the increased risks that may be associated with my mystery arthritis type thing... It's scary! But the one big thing I have learned is that we need to stay positive and don't dwell on the numbers. Those stats are one of the reasons it's so important to try to keep hormones balanced - not only to help conception, but also to help our bodies hold on to those bubs!

I know it's a dark and scary place you are in right now, but we are here to help you through. That's not to say I'm completely out of the dark and scary place myself, but you've got to focus on the positives. I can't tell you how many women I know with PCOS who have beat this condition and have healthy bubs. Some of them aren't bubs any more either! One of my strongest supporters is my aunt who did the PCOS and AC thing over 20 years ago - I have two adult cousins now to prove that it can be beaten! Just remember that all the battles we have to fight simply mean that our children will be so cherished and valued when they do get here (and they will get here, for all of us!). This fight is going to make us better, stronger parents.

Loads more :hug: :hug: :hug: for you Summer.

BW

Well finally, was ready to vent as the appointment person wasnt calling back! but I now have an appointment time for the FS. And I was able to firstly get in quickly, secondly go with someone who Ive heard is very nice and good, thirdly at another location closer to me, and lastly, at an after work time.:confetti: :confetti: Time to crack open the champers (if i was a drinker) on managing all of those things. Its decreased the stress levels already and been told the gap payment too, which i was expecting to be a lot bigger.

Great news, Summer! When's the appointment date?

I'm still grumping about the place after my encounter with the evil clinic nurse from hell - what sort of person tells you it's certainly not normal to have this bleeding, then tells you it could continue indefinitely and then tries to say DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?!! gah!

BW

Summer

so glad you finally got your appointment date - isn't it awesome to get something sooner than you were expecting? my initial FS appt was going to be late Jan to early Feb if i went to his office in the city to see him - but he runs a clinic only 20k's from home - and i got an appointment there within 3 weeks!

BW - sorry you're not getting some decent info about what's going on with you - hang in there!

As for me, i guess i'm playing my own little waiting game - have BT's on 31st of Jan to see if the synarel is working the way it should - all going well, i'll be starting injections at the start of feb - til then, i gotta stay positive! have decided with everything going on at work that i'll just turn up and do my job - and look forward tot he end of the day - i used to want to go further and do more, but not any more - i take each day an hour at a time - and look forward to my days off!

hope you all had a great weekend - and remember - only three more days til australia day (and another long weekend for most of us!)

Summer - that is so fantastic that you have an appt so soon! Waiting is by far the hardest part of this ttc ordeal I think.

BW - I hope the bleeding settles down for you. If all else fails, you only have about 2 weeks before you see your FS again. I hope it has well and truly stopped by then though! As far as clinic nurses go, I'm fast learning that they are just like all other people - you like some of them better than others! I have a favourite nurse already, her name is Paula and she's fantastic. Hope you find that there are a lot of nurses at your clinic that you like and feel comfortable and the evil chick was a one off ;)

BG - I think your strategy for work is a good one. I'm kinda doing the same thing at the moment, taking every day as it comes and not getting too far ahead of myself. I hope things at work settle down for you again.

Well, I just wanted to share my good news with you - got today's b/t results back and it's all looking much better! I didn't ask for exact figures (I don't need any more ammo in the stress department!) but my nurse said everything is looking good and that my new dose 'is working for me' so that can only be good I think! I have another b/t and an u/sound on Wednesday. Very nervous about the u/sound - please, PLEASE let me have lots of nice big follies growing in there! :pray:

Well I'm off to jab myself again. Talk to you all later.

Willow - that's great news - i'm so happy that the meds are working the way they're supposed to - i'm being a bit of a stalker and keeping an eye on your progress - you're running only a couple of weeks ahead of me, so as much as it would be nice to have someone going through this at the same time, at least i know i have someone to look to!

Good luck for wednesday - and as hard as it is, try to relax a little - there's nothing else you can do at this point!

Willow, that's fantastic news! Like BG, I'm following your progress eagerly, as I'm probably not going to be too far behind you. How do the side effects of the injections rate?

I have a plan with the bleeding... anything up to a week, I can cope, and shall consider it AF (and be thankful it's light, and very little in the way of cramping), anything over a week and I'll call the clinic again and maybe even try crying on someone to get some answers as to how to make it stop! By then, I think I will be in tears and stressed out of my head again if it's still going!

BW

Hi All

After lurking for a week or so I thought that I should come out of the cupboard as this is where I now well and truly belong :)

I haven't been on BB for a while because of a rather unfortunate DIY injury where I broke most of the bones in my right hand and while DP installed voice recognition software on the computer I lost my patience with it so had a break from all computers for a while. Back now though.

DP and I start ICSI in May this year. I would love to start sooner but I am doing a course at uni which will expose me to some mutagenic substances which I wouldn't be happy about being exposed to while pregnant.

Our TTC journey has been about 4 years long now with a short break about 18 months ago because it was doing my head in. Turns out that my initial diagnosis of severe PCOS was wrong and there is actually nothing wrong with me (although I could probably loose a few kg's) but DP's little soldiers are as lazy as all buggery so ICSI is our only real option. Now we hopefully have all the answers we need (have been seeing FS for about 12 months) and it is all systems go once I get this bit of my course over with.

I look forward to getting to know you all better.

Taff

HI Taffy - and welcome! firstly - a huge OUCH for the broken bones in your hand - that can't have been good.

sounds like you have a decent plan in order - so sorry you have to go through IVF, but at least you know where you're at with everything. good luck with getting through the uni stuff

Hi everyone,

I've been reading for a bit too, and would like to get to know everyone a little better as I'm going through ICSI myself and it's pretty lonely.

Had the egg collection this morning - 8 eggs. 12 last time. Fingers crossed some will :fertilise: Transfer on Friday.

I went for acupuncture yesterday and am really hoping that it will do the trick for :stickyvibesboy:

I'm sorry to hear that some of you have had bad experiences on other sites, people can be so awful. Also, since when was it a competition??? I didn't realise that I wasn't able to feel angry, sorry for myself or frustrated if someone else has been on this journey for longer than me! How we feel is so personal and is based on our own values and belief systems, not some mean and nasty strangers! So to all of you who have had the misfortune of running into some negative spaces, feel better! It's almost certainly them and not you!

Take care everyone, I shall be reading this more often from now on and look forward to joining in.:D

Welcome Alex

i agree, this whole TTC journey isn't about being ocmpetitive - everyone has been through a struggle in one way or another, and it's al deeply personal - there's no need to say that what one person has been through is any easier or harder than what someone else has been through.

good luck with the IVF - i am sending you lots of baby dust in the hopes that you end up with some nice little embies to transfer on Friday!!

Welcome Taffy and Alex, i hope your stay here is a short one!!

Hi Alex - I'm going to acupuncture tomorrow too (not to Kaye though) and soooo looking forward to it. Helped so much with my stress levels last week, if nothing else. I'm praying you have success this cycle!

Welcome taff! A lot of us are new here in this thread too so you picked a great time to join in!

Thought I'd come in and give you an update. I wanted to talk to the nurses and get their interpretation of my results before posting, because again, I was a bit stressed about them.

My b/t was good, levels have come up again. So much so that they've cut my dose back again so that's good i guess. I am however, pretty disappointed with the number of follies we saw today. I have 8, all are good size so that's a bonus. I guess I'm never going to get the numbers that girls with two healthy ovaries get, because I only have one (I only have a very small part of my left ovary remaining after my surgeries and it pretty much does not function, so we probably did well to get the one follie on that side we have).

Trying to stay positive, but am disappointed :frown:

Willow my love,

I have never had more than 10 follies and never collected more than 10 eggs in any given cycle, in all 5 stim cycles. I actually usually only got 6 or 7! But I got good fertilisation! In fact, most clinics aim for 8-10 eggs only, so as to avoid OHSS. You've done well, chicky, for someone with one "healthy ovary"! WTG!

Awww sushee, THANK YOU so much for posting that. All day I've been reading about people getting like 24 follies (even one lady who ended up with 28 frosties :eek:) and all my girlfriends who've done IVF have had over 10 (but one always overstimulates and the other ended up in hospital with OHSS after her stim cycle) and I've been feeling like a loser all day!I should know by now to stay off other sites and stick with BB.

I just pray that like you, I get really good fertilisation and then it doesn't matter. I've got to remember it's quality, not quantity.

My pleasure Willow ;) And trust me if they thought you were producing 20+ follies, they'd be cutting back your meds quick smart!

Willow - i'm so glad Sushee's advice has made you feel better about where you're at. i know it's nature to compare our own situations with other people, but everyone is different, and you have to look at the positives - you have follies - whether a fwe or a lot, the meds are obviously working - so you're on your way! good luck with i all - i'll be stalking you to see how you go!

Hi Ladies sorry ive been in and out but really feeling too tired this week to do much more than post - i know ive been very slak.

I really had to post to tell willow that when i went for my scan several mths ago my FS told me i had about 7 -10 good size follies and when i finally had EPU thay got 17!!(go figure!) so dont worry what ever you get above 1 is great. and having too many is so painful, not to mention i ended up with an infection from all the podding and poking.

I hope you get just what you want, and that you get some frosties too.

welcome to Alex and taffy

Megan - how are things going and where is other Megan?

BG - hows your cycle progressing?

As for me i had my scan today and as i guessed my body id not really doing too much, im getting ready for a natural TF and always have been on HRT b4 but FS said i should start OPK's on Monday and if nothing has happened go for another scan on Friday 02/02/06, never done a natural cycle b4 so its a bit daunting really - and doesnt feel like im doing anything at all. if its another no go then i will be taking my old clinic up with their free bee cycle

good luck xx

Lou - Thank you for your post, I'm feeling much more encouraged now than I was a few hours ago! I really hope your natural cycle starts happening soon, must be frustrating waiting for things to get underway. I look forward to seeing how it all works out - good luck sweetie! Hope things at work have improved too.

I just wanted to say thank you ALL so much for your support and encouragement. What the hell would I do without my BB girls?

loula- so sorry to hear that your body is misbehaving. it wold be great for you to be able to do a natural TF! it's always hard to feel like you're not actively doing anything - but it's only another week or so...

as for me - my cycle is going ok (i hope!) - i have been on synarel for a week now and have survived so far. i have BT next wednesday, then off to FS (or his nurse) on Thursday to pick up the injectables - i know what you mean about feeling like you're doing nothing - as much as i know the nasal spray is an important step, i feel like i've been doing nothing for so long (last clomid cycle was back early november - no O, no AF since then) - i just want to be actively working at this!!! only eight more days... i really need to go and organise a ticker or something - but i'm trying so hard not to count down - i'll either fret big time about things, get over-excited, or get WAY too stressed - at this stage, it's just one day at a time...

Hey Willow - Honey I totally think its natural to feel disappointed if you had higher expectations. But I think you are doing wonderfully. As Sush said higher numbers are actually not better - because in this game a lot of the time the quality is more important than the quantity. As you know I always get stupidly high numbers and that has never been good news for me - last cycle of 28 collected, 26 fertilised, but only 5 made to good blast quality! So, the numbers drop off quickly anyway.

Hang in there sweetie...

Thanks Keen! The same is true of my girlfriends actually, they had high numbers but that hasn't necessarily meant that they had lots of embies to transfer.

BG - thanks, you just reminded me to sniff! I'd done my injection but forgot about the synarel!

you're welcome Willow!

Welcome Back Taffy. Ouch at your hand, but glad it is better now and you can ditch the voice recognition stuff....I can imagine that would be frustrating! May will be here before you know it and you'll be on that IVF rollercoaster! ;)

Welcome Alex. Hope all goes well with your little eggs ang you get a good fertilisation rate. How are you feeling after pick up??

Willow, as Sushee said 8 follies from one ovary is fantastic. And there are all a good size so that's even better. :) I produced something like 24 follies but the majority were small (from what I saw her measuring during my final scan) and I only ended up with 6 eggs out of that lot. I was lucky that all fertilised and 4 made it to freezing, so it definitely is all about quality and not quantity! It is hard not to compare yourself to others I know. I did all of that during my first cycle and it really didn't help my state of mind at all! All my fingers are crossed for you for a great fert rate! :)

Lou, good luck with your cycle this time around. It's strange isn't it, not taking any meds while you're doing a cycle? I don't feel like I am doing anything either!

BG, the synarel part seems to drag on and on.... Once you start the injections though it flies by. I think that's because in those 10-12 days you will normally have a couple of BT's and a scan or 2 so you feel like you're really doing something.

As for me, I'm off for a BT in the morning. Have used all my OPK's and had a very feint line this morning. I hope it finds that I am about to O so that I can have my FET in a couple of days. I really don't want to have to wait another month and try again. I feel like I have already wasted 2 months doind nothing because of Christmas etc...
Fingers crossed..

Hey everyone! Not much happening with me, just waiting for our next FS app on Monday. Its DH birthday so I hope its all good news.

Willow I don't know much about follies etc yet but from what the others have said it sounds as though you have done well. Good luck!

Hi Everyone

Thanks for the warm welcome. May is looking close already - and yeah Megan - looking forward to the IVF rollercoaster - I was always the kid screaming "lets go again" - haven't told DP that though :)

Everyone seems to be having appointments and tests in the next few days and I will be away until Monday so best of luck to you all - Off to visit my parents for the weekend which should be really great but the internet is a bit too fangle for them to get their heads around - anyone remember those phones that used to have a round dial and you would poke your finger in the hole above the number and spin it to dial - getting the picture?

Smiles to everyone

Hi all,

Willow, don't stress about your follies, I had 7 on one side and 10 on the other, but they weren't all over the right size so most were useless anyway. the clinic called this morning and said that out of the 8 eggs, only 4 were mature, 4 fertilised, but one developed abnormally (quite worried about that), so we've got 3 embies, 1 to be transferred tomorrow and 2 frosties.

They also said they found cysts, which I've never had before. I'm going to ask my FS tomrrow, I hope it's nothing to worry about. I was drowsy when they told me, and I think they said they got them out in the EPU???

Loula, I hope your natural cycle goes well. all the waiting is a nightmare, but we all understand here!

Briggy's Girl - good luck with the injections. I know what you mean about feeling like you're not doing anything, the injections are not pleasant but at least they make you feel like something is happening!

:)



Today I feel better than yesterday but definately a lot worse than my last EPU. I had terrible cramps last night and hardly slept. When I spoke to the nurse this morning she said there was nothing to worry about and it was normal - so I will try not to worry!

Going to acupuncture tonight to hopefully help the transfer tomorrow, I really don't understand how it all works, but if it works, it works! I am not a religious person but lately I've been praying to something up there for this one to be my turn. :)

Alex - good luck for tomorrow and your transfer - i so hope this is a nice sticky little embie for you

Taffy - hope you have a nice relaxing weekend with your folks - sometimes it's nice to get away from technology for a while (says she who can't live without her computer....)

Iris - good luck on Monday for your FS appointment (it really is ALL GO with appointments for us at the moment!)

As for me, i'm really in two minds about the injections starting next week - i'm looking forward to taking active steps toward getting pg, but i'm scared stiff of side effects (yes, i'm being a sook i know) - i've heard such mixed reports about how people have reacted - either no side effects at all or really violent ones (i'm hoping to be one of those that does not have any but with the reactions i've been having to the metformin of late, i'm sure i won't be that lucky!)

BG, I started to feel much better after a couple of days of injections. I didn't have any major side effects from the synarel apart from just a feeling of tiredness and regular headaches. The injections even all that out and felt much better very quickly. I did start to feel a bit uncomfortable in the tummy by around day 7, but I guess that's a good sign that there's growing follies! It's so exciting..... hope all goes well for you :)

Question for anyone. I get bad ovulation pain naturally. Usually last 3-4 days. Do you think that I should let the FS know? I'm concerned that if I get pain naturally that it might be worse when injecting.

BG I have the same concerns with all the drugs we have to take. I'm concerned about putting on weight and getting all hormonal. I know i won't care if I get pregnant, but still it would be better to get pregnant without all that. IYKWIM!

Okay.....so I have like incredibly sore breasts, am nauseas in the afternoons every day, moody and tired......any thoughts???

Is this normal for just being on the pill?!!

Mel, I had very sore breasts for my first week on the pill... not so much now at the end of the second week, though. Moody - yep, tired - yep, nauseous - thought it was the increase in metformin dose for that first week but it has settled now.

I guess it was just the pill that did it to me, too. :rolleyes:

BW