LT TTC after Miscarriage or Loss #5

I feel the same i have had enough i dont want to do this anymore it is all to much so up and down i just want it over with and with my DH's 17 yr old smoking skanky niece and my cousin and my other cousins wife all due around the same time they are all planning baby showers ect thats 3 babies due around march same as me why couldnt they get pregnant another time i dont need the stress of all these healthy babies to undeserving mothers who take their babies and their bodies forgranted why is life so friggen cruel.

ferrals go get the test done and at least you will know then !!! I feel sure she is very healthy and even if she had a mild form of slo would it be so terrible if its very mild ? Abbie had a really bad form bless her ! try to relax you don't know yet don't give up just yet !!! You know my 9yr old has a genetic condition and they don't even have a proper name for it its so rare they told me 1 in 4 chance of it happening again and I had 4 kids since then and all of them ok so try to look on the bright side its not all bad !!!!!

toomanyshoes look at me last week I was the same as you !! it sucks but you have to carry on trying NO PAIN NO GAIN !!! and the pain of a BFN is really bad I know but next time it could be a BFP !!! look on the bright side its really hard when your feeling so down I know only too well but I managed to pick my self up and you can too !!!

Love the craftynanna !!!!

hi girls - just sneeking in to send my love to u all!

Crafty! Happy Nanna Day! Cant wait to hear how everything went! Great about the Clomid!!! Its a new plan on attack and i like it!

Sunbeam and Alice - oh you poor sweethearts, breaks my heart to read what an awful time your both having... there is nothing i can say to make it better but im just so sorry that your feeling so blue...

Sunbeam - i hope your cruise is fabulous and it soothes your soul and you can clear your mind... enjoy those ****tails while you can, cause next month you will be on mocktails my love! That baby is coming, i feel it in my waters!!!!

Miss Alice - As for you young lady, AF cramping can be such a great sign!!! I still feel like AF is coming! It started about 10DPO for me and its still happening! And the restless sleep has got me very sus with you!! Buy those magic stick tomorrow and Im praying they give you those magic 2 lines!

Sending special love to you all... i hope your BFP's are just around the corner, im always thinking of you all.... All is fine with me, scared senseless but just taking each day as it comes....

xx

Craftnanny-Unfortunetly they will not know how mildly she will be effected but 98% of SLO babies are quite serverly retarded they dont feed due to sucking and swallowing problems and almost all will be peg (tube) fed for the 1st 8-12 months of their lives they will have autistic behaviours and don't sleep most will only ever sleep 2-3 hours at a time and they shrill scream a large portion of the time they are awake when they are older the head bang and self harm and need to be restrained and that is a mild case with no major organ problems so as you can see even a mild form is cruel there is the rare case where a few SLO kids are just really slow and have the autistic and self harm issues but do i take the chance thats no life for our girl.

Alice-i did not have any pregnancy signs i was even irritable like when AF is comming leading up to my BFP so hang in there.

ferrals - SLO sounds horrible, I agree with you, I would not want to sentence my child to that. Amnio will give you an answer and then you can relax. I have a feeling it will be very good news, fingers crossed, not much more to wait.

Alice - fingers crossed for you too. You really deserver your BFP.

Sunbeam - from what you write, it sounds to me like you really want to do another stym cycle before January. If the frozen embies did not work out, do you think you would regret not doing the stym cycle? If you think you would end up thinking "if only....." then I'd say do another stym cycle now, just so you can tell yourself you did all you could and be at peace. And isn't the success rate higher for fresh embies?

toomanyshoes - men just do not understand the urgency, it is not happening in their bodies. I think I would mention the FS visit to DH again too....

craftymummy - congrats on the grandbaby!

AFM - did another HPT this morning just to see if it is over. Still says "pregnant". I would never think positive HPT can upset me, but it did. I guess I'll try another one in a week.

hello everyone,

Another middle-of-the-nighter from me. At least I got some sleep.

Crafty, congratulations nana!!! That's exciting news, now you have to get yourself set up with a web cam so you can enjoy this baby from afar. Any chance of a visit?

Ferrals, it is just so heartbreaking to read the effects of SLO ... I mean, I knew it was bad but I had no idea how bad even a 'mild' case could be. You are right, that's no life for your daughter. Poor little Abbi. What you have been through - are going through - it's just, I can't even begin to imagine it. it is an ordeal that never seems to end, this not knowing and fearing the worst. You have handled this so strongly, melt-downs included. I keep thinking of your early pg hcg that was so high - almost twins level high - and hoping that was a sign that she is a good strong healthy SLO-clear baby. I just can't believe you have to go through that test again and then wait three whole days. We are here for you every single step of the way, every minute. All you can do is take one day at a time, hang in there, and hopefully this will be the very last of it.:grouphug:

Luna, :hug: to you too. I guess it is going to take time. Very sorry you are going through this again :(

Toomanyshoes, and to you too :hug: I'm completely with you on the smoking front - my DH only quit 10 weeks ago after 10 years of TTC. In the end I said to him that I didn't care if he smoked for the rest of his life (I do and he knows it) but the least he could do was 3 months to try see whether it made a difference. I keep expecting him to go back to it any day now but so far so good. I'm proud of him and so incredibly relieved he seems to have finally quit. I hope you can sort things out with him and he can realise just how stressed and upset this is making you. I would push on with the FS appointments and maybe get a sperm test done - it might give him a kick in the pants (so to speak) to make a change. Worked for my DH.

Sunbeam, from everything you've said, I think try another stim cycle before Christmas. Hopefully this time they will get the OHSS under control. I've been wondering if that could have been a factor in the embie not taking this time? Also this time, insist that they put you on Clexane from transfer onwards - it is supposed to help with implantation and early miscarriage. I am on it for slightly elevated antinuclear antibodies and anticardiolipin antibodies (you've had those blood tests, right?). You are right - it's no good thinking about what's fair and what isn't, it's just the way things are and sometimes it just sucks. I feel sad still but resigned to whatever outcome we get now.

T-hopes, thanks lovely. It's not AF cramps at all, just painful ovaries which I get before AF. I suppose it could be my ovaries settling after the stimulation and the bleeding from the egg collection but I really don't think so. I had very strong AF cramps right before my last pg and this is different - more like the pain you get from a cyst. Anyway, what will be will be now, I just have to go with it. Some sleep would be good though! Glad all is going well with you and hope each day you go from strength to strength x

Love to everyone - Mildez, Saffy, MatthewsMum, Porsche, Clairesmummy and anyone else I've missed xx

Night everyone x

:stork-girl: Jessica Anne 6lb 5oz Now I am a craftynanna !!!


Had lots and lots of tears ! some of joy some of sorrow but mostly of feeling so sad that I will not get a real cuddle only photos !!!

Didn't sleep a wink last night waiting for news so really tired and eyes really sore !!!!

congratulaions craftynanna!! :cheer:
I hope you get to see you little granddaughter very soon and get a big cuddle xx

Alice- I was on nightshift last night and got your message on the spot as I was just playing on the computer trying to stay awake when you posted!! Good on you, you can't change what the result is going to be, so fingers crossed +++++ that you get a nice surprise! oh, and some sleep!

Luna- sorry you have to go through this, it makes it harder when it isn't just 'over' IYKWIM and you can't move on. I hope things improve- hugs for you xx

Ferals- heres hoping you get your results soon, you have done enough waiting, you have the patience of a saint xx

Toomanyshoes-:hug::hug: you poor darling, I think all DH's are similar, mine won't stop drinking ( not that he does much) even though last year he had 2 months of the year where he had a break from alcohol just to be healthy, when it came to our last cycle, he not only didn't stop I think he drank more. :wall: I'm sure your DH is trying, it sometimes takes a while to completely stop smoking. Sorry also you have to hear about your SIL x

Sunbeam- thanks for clarifying the situation with donordaddy, i wasn't aware of all that. Saying this, I have no idea what you should do, you seem to have some good options at lewast, shame about the cost of everything. I know that after all you have been through you deserve to be holding a baby right now, it is not fair that you have to go through this xxx

THopes- hi!! Glad everything is on track, we miss you and hope you can get some enjoyment through the stress of the early stages, you will be 12wks before you know it girl!

Clairesmummy- when is your FS appt?? I really hope you ge some clarity on your situation, and whatever the problems are ( if there are any) are easily fixed! Maybe you'll get a sneaky bfp before your appt??

OK thats about all I can type, hi to everyone else- mildez, porsche, matthewsmum, any lurkers :D

Alice I think you asked if I was jabbing yet- not yet, pill until Sunday then jabs start next Friday. Going to Melbourne for the weekend for DH's BD to stay in a swish hotel, can't wait!

Saffy- I'm currently waiting for AF to arrive atm, would like her to arrive today or tomoro at the latest as I have to go back to my DR when she gets here today or tomoro to be referred to the gyno but if she don't arrive until Thursday/Friday DR wants me to go back in later in my next cycle for another BT. DF is going to have his SA done either Friday or Monday and hopefully he will come back all clear and have good swimmers, FX. I have been having a few cramps today like AF is about to arrive at any minute but when I check there is nothing. I just want her to get here so we can get the ball rolling, DR told me that the gyno will more than likely put me on Clomid. I just want it all to happen now so I know what we are dealing with. I would have to be the most impatient person I know....lol.....poor old AF can't win with me one month she is being abused for turning up and now this month she is being abused for not turning up. Last month I had a 25 day cycle and so far this month today is CD26 for me.

Thats so true about AF!
But if she just got the hint she needs to go on a holiday for 9 months everyone would be happy....
Well, she better either- not come at all and give you a BFP- ??any symptoms???
or- HURRY UP so you can go to the gynae asap and get on clomid
good luck clairesmummy!

Crafty-congratz hun i hope that you will get to feel that feeling for yourself one more time.

Alice-Part of me tells myself that everything has been textbook so far she has to be normal and the other part says everything has gone to sh#t with the testing ect and it is turning out very similar to Abbi's pregnancy except the u/s problems so i worry that it will be a huge let down i dont want to give my girl up i want her safe inside me i hate having to have all these tests they are invading my girls safety barrier from the outside world but i need to know for her sake it would not be fair.
How are you feeling today any cramping ect i didnt feel any different until after my BFP the EPU makes you sore bloated and pretty dam uncomfortable so it's hard to tell what is what in there i just want you to know all my hopes are with you for your twins i still hope they will both stick and i look forward to your BT results to say told you so.

Tomanyshoes-how you doing hun i hope today was a better day for you.
My man gave up smoking when we were having trouble falling pregnant for the 2nd time With Abbi it didnt take long but i found out when we saw the naturopath that he was still having the odd one here and there at work ect about 3-4 a week it wasnt until his sperm test came back that he was the problem that he really gave up and the next sperm sample was perfect so men just dont get that it really does take 2 to get pregnant they just think yeh yeh i will deposit my sperm then it's up to the women to do the rest they are so arrrhhhgggg!!!!!!! sometimes.

Luna-hun it would be heartbreaking i hope you have another real line in the very near future.

Saffy-I am starting to lose my patience but i try to think everyday i have to wait is another day that i have my girl and can imagine that she is healthy in their i dont think i want to face the reality of the results just yet.

Clairesmummy-come on witch show your face when we want her she is late and when we dont want her she turns up when she is not welcome i hope you dont have to wait to much longer.

AFM-My mum told all my family step sisters and step brother aunties uncles and grandparents that there is a grandaughter on the way even my mole of and step SIL was told the one who was nasty to my mum after we lost Abbi and i refuse to speak to her.
Well i ran into her today and she just looked me up and down and ignored me lol no loss stupid cow but i did hear from my sister that she said to my step sisters i wonder if she will get to keep this one seem she cant have girls.
I hope she is wrong.

Saffy- aint that the truth...lol....poor ol' AF she never seems to get things right for any of us when we want her to....Thank you for the good luck wishes I think I am going to need the luck this cycle. Not really sure if I have any symptoms had a huge headache last night usually only get little niggles of a headache when AF is coming. Having some mild cramps today like AF is here but I haven't even had a bit of spotting yet, did have very sore bbs for a few days now they just feel heavy and look bigger usually only get tender nipples with AF. Feel pretty worn out today but I have been busy. Dr told me if AF hasn't arrived by Friday to POAS cause I may have O'd really early and BT just didn't pick it up. So I'm not sure how that works......:confused: :dunno:
Crafty- Congrats on becoming a nana........:dance:

no surprise ... Big Fat Negative. No twins for me :shakehead:

Strange thing is bbs came back sore as ever yesterday. I'm 8dp5dt (13dpo) today so should come up accurate, shouldn't it? Seems like it's going to be a mother of all AFs when she arrives.

I couldn't get hold of a First Response ANYWHERE, only something called Pregnosis (has anyone used it??) which was really annoying to use, had to pee into a cup and float this miniature stick. Shouldn't have bothered, knew it would be -ve :cry:

Alice- not many poeple would get a bfp in the afternoon at 13dpo, you have to use the first morning wee which is much more concentrated so the hormone level is stronger, I wouldn't take that as accurate- try again tomorrow morning. Good luck, esp the boobs sounds good, I still haven't written you off yet young lady!

Claresmummy- you are also on my "sneaky bfp" possibility list

Luna - It’s awful you’re still having to go through all that, I really hope it’s all sorted soon and you can try again with much much much more luck!

Alice - :hug: Still hoping it’s just a late BFP!

ferrals - What an F’ing cow! Seriously her and my eldest SIL would be the BESTEST freaking friends! Some people are so insensitive, I couldn’t believe the day I was told we would lose our baby her and MIL suggested to my face that I have my tubes tide! We had only just got back from the hospital. I have everything crossed you get to take your beautiful perfect little girl home with you. I’ve really had my faith in karma tested the last few years, seeing my all 3 of my SIL’s drink, smoke, go clubbing while pregnant and one even did drugs and yet they fall pregnant looking at any ol’ d!ck. It really isn’t fair.

Clairesmummy - I hope you’re right and your BFP is on its way as well!

AFM - I’m still a mess today, I stupidly logged on DH’s Facebook and looked at more pregnant photos of SIL, it’s tearing me apart, I know why she’s having the baby and it’s so wrong, she’s still smoking, still drinking, still hanging around the pub all weekend, still doesn’t look after the kids she has, throw her eldest daughter (15) for an absolute BS reason....it’s not fair! DH and I are bickering, we’re both super moody the last couple of days *sigh* I want to hide. Still zero symptoms and AF is two days away, knowing my luck it will be late, I always have the textbook 28 day cycle but over the last 12 months some have been an extra week for no reason! I just want our baby, I want our family finished! Mum is there this weekend then DH parents are here at the end of the month for a few days, it’s going to KILL me!

Hope everyone else is good :)

:cry: OK ... I'll try again in the morning ... :cry:

Alice- I have never had any luck with the pregnosis, FR seems to be more accurate than the pregnosis for me anyhow. Hoping it may just be a little early to get your BFP this cycle hun, I have everything crossed for you and praying you get your BFP in the next day or 2.
Saffy- It would be a real sneaky BFP if I got one...lol....cause this month that's the last thing I am expecting. I really don't think I'm even in the running for a BFP this month at all. Not because of anything in particular just cause I really don't think I have O'd at all. My temps have been all over the place and no real sign on my chart that I have O'd at all this month. But I guess there's always a chance. lol.

Alice-:comfort: hang in there babe

Claresmummy- my temps were always all over the place, although thats probably no reassurance as i am still not pregnant either lol, FX anyway

...thanks...sorry for the pity-fest, just feel really down :cry:

Sorry for all ablout me post but I'm stunned!!! I just got a call from a real estate lady asking for a reference as my house mate has applied for a unit AN NOT EVEN TOLD ME!!!! How f@#king rude! I took her in 18 months ago when her 9 year relationship ended. I've allowed her to have her kids here when ever she wants, her family come and stay whenever for as long as they like, her girlfriend stays heaps and she gets a furnished room and her own bathroom all for very little rent and this is the thanks I get. I could not feel more taken for granted.
I was in such a good space the last 2 days (even though I put my back out again) as I'd put up all these lovely positive affirmations and now I just feel completely flat.

Sorry personals later my head is spinning right now.

sorry double post.

Thats very rude of her Sunbeam, I would be pee'ed to. I don't see why it's so hard for people to have common courtesy. Doesn't take much to say "hey, I've decided to move on and am looking for some where else to live".

Sunbeam- I agree with TooManyShoes, that is so rude of your house mate to do something like that, I would be so cranky with her. How hard is it for some people to have a bit of common courtesy and say thank you but I have decided it's time to stand on my own 2 feet and could you please give me a ref. if I need one? How rude. I have been there before sunbeam so I know how you are feeling right now. Hence to say I have never had another room mate because of it.

Alice - I am so hoping that the FMU will give you a different result. I usually get First Response from Woolies or Big W. :crossfingers:

Ferrals - SLO sounds truely horrible. I know it is right to test but I understand your reluctance to risk your bub. I am so sorry that your hidious SIL is just adding to this already unimaginably difficult situation.:comfort:

Crafty - Congratulations on becoming a nanna, such a shame you don't get baby cuddles. I hope mum and bub are doing well.

Saffy - A nice weekend at a posh hotel sounds like a great escape.

Clairesmummy - Your symptoms are sounding very positive bigger boobs is always a dead give away of a BFP for me, I'm thinking AF might be gone for a while :crossfingers:

Toomanyshoes - I'm sorry you are feeling so down. It is so hard not to get caught up in how unfair all this is and how scanky, druggy child abusers get babies they don't even want and we can't get our hearts desire. :comfort:

AFM - Sorry about earlier. Well I'm feeling better about it all now. I had planned to have a long talk to her tonight about all the things she has/hasn't been doing around the house that has been p@#sing me off. Since the new girlfriend came along 4 months ago she has become very selfish and inconsiderate so in a way she has done me a favour by going. At least now I get my house back to myself and it will be peaceful and clean.

Sunbeam: Stunned on your behalf. What a rude shock! Very odd she didn't tell you she was thinking of moving if she knew they'd ring you for a reference. Can understand why you'd feel let down.

Alice: Pregnosis was how i found out i was pg with DD so i've superstitiously used it every since and had BFPs around date AF was due each time. (But the next two pgs did not end well so... guess it's not the test that's lucky). I'm so sorry there was no BFP yet. Hoping it's just too early and AF stays away but understand why you are feeling sad (though i can only imagine the depth of how you feel).

Ferrals: I wish you didn't have to go through this but at least you have a clear recommendation from the geneticist to help you make the decision about whether to have the amnio. It sux big time that you couldn't have had an answer already from the cvs. I hope this test will finally give you peace and allow you to look forward to the rest of your pg.

Toomanyshoes: Sorry you are having a hard time. Very hard to be around pg people when you so wanna be. Especially when it feels like the other person is so casual about it, doesn't take care of themselves and so doesn't seem to value it like you do. Have you had tests done to see if there are any reasons for the mc you have had?

craftymummy: Congratulations on being a craftynanna! Well done! I hope you get cuddles really soon with little Jessica.

Saffy: Enjoy the swish hotel and your BD fest!

Luna: Sorry the ongoing BFP symptoms upset you.

Clairesmummy: Said hello in the other thread i think but hi again. Hope you get a sneaky BFP or that AF hurries up and arrives so you can have your gynae appointment.

India's mum: hi

sorry for anyone i missed

AFM: Getting crampy pains on and off. Could be symptoms that AF is coming (though i don't expect her for 10 days i have had this kind of thing happen before). Has also been a pg symptom for me... but if i 'O' last Wed or Thurs there's no chance i'm pg and if I 'o' Friday or Sat there's no chance i'd have symptoms yet! So i think it's probably just AF coming. BUt geez Louise, i hate these cycles where i'm either crampy cos i have AF, am 'o'ing or expecting AF (with almost no days off in between!) Feels kind of ridiculous.

Sunbeam - sounds like you'll be better off without her, but I agree, this was rude and cowardly.

ferrals :o I cannot believe your SIL said this. How mean can she be?

Alice - as Saffy said, 13 dpo and in the afternoon does not mean anything. Wait a couple of days and do it with FMU.

Craftynana - congratulations! So is there any chance you get to hold her in the near future? How long do you have to wait for that?

AFM - absolutely HATE health care system here in the US. I call with the problem, nobody will even see me, a nurse from the nurses line sends me for a BT. That happened last week as you know, only the repeat BT was inconclusive. I was stupid to go after 24 hours not 48, and at that time instead of dropping, it actually went up, from 192 to 256. Which probably means nothing, but you know, I am so desperate.... So the nurse told me to come in for another BT today, only she did not fax the script for it, so I showed up for nothing. The lady in the lab was like, "well, you can come back later after you talk to your doctor, but we are very busy today, blah blah blah". At this point I just melted down a bit, went and sat in my car and cried. Now I cannot do anything, all those scenarios are running through my head, like "what if it is a molar pregnancy", "what if it is ectopic", "what if it is all good". The last one would be pretty impossible, but I stopped bleeding, never had any big cramps or major bleed, so you see... Arggghhhhhh, I will go crazy here, I just want to KNOW, I cannot sleep, I cannot work, my stomach is all in knots, this is the worst possible stress I ever had.

Looks like we are all having a rough time at the moment.

Alice-i hope you see a line this morning.

Sunbeam-was not very nice of your flatmate to not even give you a heads up.

Luna-:hug:

Possum magic-our bodies play game with us it is so annoying i hope your signs are not AF.

AFM- i just feel so defeated i told hubby i want our girl to have a birth certificate and be recognised as a baby not a termination like Abbi was that still makes me uncomfortable reading her paper work and there is no record of her ever existing other than she is registered as being cremated for legal reasons i have looked at beautiful burial gowns for tiny preemy stillborns Abbi didnt get anything like that she had a blanket and a cardigan and beenie and booties that were to big for her so i am prepared for what might come i hope i am wrong what i would give to be wrong i just feel i have lost this battle too i am having a few days away with family so i wont post for a few days just not copeing very well

Sunbeam- I'm glad you are thinking my symptoms sound good....lol....I'm just waiting for AF to arrive and thinking she is just playing games with me this month.....lol.....
Possum- Hi again, I feel your apin with the cramping darl, my cycles are alot like that as was and it's all slowly but certainly driving me insane. This month I have tried to ignore everything and just see what happens.....but that's not working for me either as I'm still awaiting AF. LOL. Ah well you win some you lose some hey.....Hope you get your BFP darl, I have my FX for you.
Luna- I hope you get some answers soon darl, it's as stressful as hell not knowing what is going on. Hang in there darl we are all here for you. FX you get some good results.
Ferrals- I so wish I could jump through my computer and give you a huge big hug, my heart is really going out to you right now darl, I just want everything to be so great for you. I can't offer any advice darl, sorry, but I just want you to know we are all here for you and I have everything crossed that your beautiful little girl you are growing is just as beautiful as her mum and healthy darl. I'm praying for you and your bub everyday.
AFM- Still no show from AF as yet anyhow, CD27 for me and have always had AF by now apart from 1 cycle where I actually had a 28 day cycle but they are usually 26days for me. Don't even have any sign of her turning up as yet not a spot nudder not a thing. This is sooooo frustrating, I bet if I didn't want her here she would hit me like a freight train......lol.....have a great day ladies I'm off to town for the day after I drop DD off at Kindy. And yes I think I will buy some of those FR POAS unless AF arrives before I get there.......
xoxox

Luna - I'm so sorry it is being so frustrating getting answers but if your HCG has gone up you obviously have not m/c. Some women's HCG does fluctuate to start with but I guess it should be higher than it is. I hope they test you again with good results and that you find someone more helpful this time round. :hug:

Ferrals - I hope you are able to have some peace in your time away with your family. Please don't feel you are not coping well, there is no good way to cope with this it is impossibly hard, you are being fantastically brave.

Possum Magic - I'm sorry your body is playing games with you. We get so tuned into that part of our body through all this that it becomes impossible to decipher what is AF and what is pg and what is just all in our heads! :think:

Alice - Didi you test again?

Ferrals, :grouphug: like Sunbeam said, there's no good way to cope with this, you are doing so well and being so strong, hang in there. I hope the time away helps. Sending you lots of love and hope xxoo

Sunbeam, I'm so gobsmacked at your flatmate doing that - even if she meant to tell you then they rang for a reference before she'd had a chance she should have given you more notice and just had the decency to let you know, it's your home after all :shakehead: there's just no explaining some types of behaviour and really, she's an adult isn't she? That's the sort of thing you'd expect in your 20s in share houses. Well at least you'll have the place to yourself for a while and that's always nice. When is your cruise?? No I didn't test again today, just not up to it.

Luna, I'm not surprised you just curled up in your car and cried :hug: it's so bloody tough without all of that. I have no idea what's happening with you either, I've never been through that it must be so confusing and upsetting. I hope you can get some answers soon.

Possums, Clairesmummy - you both sound like you are up in the air with your cycles too. What is going on with us all? All these possible pg symptoms vs AF symptoms vs O symptoms??? sigh...so frustrating!!!! Hope AF either shows her ugly face or doesn't show SOON so you can get on with being happy to be pg or ready to start a new cycle.

Toomanyshoes, you too!! Aggrr with all this waiting!!

Saffy, thanks for yesterday, I was a mess xx

I just didn't have it in me to test again today, plus I'd been up twice during the night to pee anyway so wasn't even sure if I would have strong enough FMU for it to read properly. I am trying to get on top of this overwhelming sadness - have been for a long walk, had a good breakfast, cleaned up around the house and done three loads of washing. Been thinking that my expectations were always going to be a lot higher this cycle after falling pg last time for the first time plus the diet and acupuncture that I've been doing weekly and herbs every day. It's been my sole focus all this time and now all I can do is wait and it is doing my head in like never before. My bbs are still bigger and sore so go figure. I think I will just wait it out to the bt but feel in my heart that it will be a negative. Had a big bawl on the phone to my Mum yesterday which I always regret because she just worries about me and thinks it is all too much for me to go through and I should stop doing this to myself because it is too upsetting. Maybe she is right, I don't know. I feel like I have had more melt-downs this cycle than last time, I guess I had come to terms with it all being over last time and the pg was such a shock I never thought it could happen. Now I know it can, I want it more than ever. Thanks for putting up with me, I can't tell you how much it means to me :grouphug:

Ah well just went to the loo and the bleeding has started so AF is here

alice-i'm sorry bleeding has started,life can be so cruel,i think we're all keeping the tissue factories in business at the moment...when is bt due?..thinking of you,sending you lots of hugs.I'm sorry i can't make this better for you

Hi everyone

Ferrals don't give up on your girl yet ! wait until you get the amnio re****s then you can have a party as I know it will be 100% perfect NO SLO you jsut wait and see !!!

Alice so sorry honey is it just spotting or full blown AF ? I am so with you and how you have been feeling the last few days that was me last week and you all got me through it and I am here to help you !!!

Sunbeam sorry about your housemate ungreatful Bi#ch you will be better off on your own anyway in a clean house !!! hope you cruise is just awsome and you come back full of fight ready for the next leg in your travels towards a BFP !!!

saffy hope your pills are near the end now !! matthews mum where are you at are you haveing anymore trans or do you wait for another egg pick ??

Possum and luna thanks for your well wishes,

AFM well major meltdown feeling really homesick and wondering how to cope with not seeing my family and new grand baby but they are so far away and skype and email is about all I am gonna get !!

My eyes are so sore from crying and crying and I feel so mixed up about emigrating here and the mc and well everything I guess the move in AUG was a bit too much too.
I do have some clomid coming though and pre seed too so wonder if I am in the right frame of mind to give it a go this month from day 5 to 9 or just wait it out and sort out my emotions first !!! ( don't think they will ever be sorted until I get a BFP )

Oh girls- heres a big :grouphug: for everyone, sorry everything is so crappy for you all

Alice- oh dear, what can I say, I'm soooo sorry, you shouldn't have to go through this,you have done eeverything right and been so good, its so unfair :hug: Theres no 'putting up' with you, it is a pleasure and we all want to see you happy x

Craftymummy- it must be so hard to be far away from your child and grandchild. You have had a lot on your plate with moving etc so be kind to yourself. Where did you get clomid?? My moods was fine on it for the first 2 months then the 3rd month I was a mess. you may as well start with it GL x

Matthewsmum- how are you going?? How is the acupuncture and chiro ( or was it osteo? you were having)

Sunbeam- sorry your housemate didn't behave in a more mature manner and is leaving you in the lurch. I lived by myself for years and love it, I hope you will enjoy having your own space for a while.

Claresmummy- did you get a test?? DO IT, DO IT!

Luna- have you had a scan?? Its hard not to have a "primary carer" and just have to rely on whoever you get on the phone. I think there is a good chance you are still pregnant, like Sunbeam said, if your BHCG is rising still. I SOO hope it is all ok for you xx

Possummagic- very exciting development ( the cramping) sounds a bit like implantation, which you definately could get if you o'd last wed/thurs- the timing sounds about right. No BD fest for me, I am spotting heavily on the pill, annoying and messy for BD ( sorry if TMI)

HI India'smum, Toomanyshoes, Damprye ( if you are still lurking) , Ferals, Mildez, Porsche, THopes ( how are you?), who else I always seem to miss someone.

Went out for lunch with my friend from the uk with her 6 month old IVF baby-sooo cute. There was another girlfriend there who is doing IVF with her girlfrend, their cycle is about the same time as mine, so our UK friend was giving us lots of support/advice and being so positive it was great!

Saffy- Yes I did buy some HPTs but not going to test until Friday....maybe....hopefully.....lol.....that's if AF don't arrive before then anyhow....I'm so over going to the loo to (sorry if tmi) poop. Everytime I pee I have to poop. What's the go with that......????? :wall: Had no cramping at all today after yesterdays cramps I was certain AF was arriving but so far she is a no show. Have another whooping Headache starting this afternoon. Feeling pretty well shattered this afternoon and would kill for a granny nap. It's CD27 for me today and the longest cycle I have had since my MC is 28days, so that makes tomoro D day for me ladies.
Crafty- I'm so sorry you are homesick darl, it must be so hard to be so far away from your family, sending you some big cyber hugs darl. I get home sick and my families only 5 hours away from me, hang in there darl we are all here for you hun.
Alice- Sorry Af showed darl, wish you could of sent her my way. Hope you are feeling better soon. :hug:
Sorry if I missed anybody, hope you are all well.

Alice: oh no! so terribly unfair after all your work to be healthy and give yourself the best chance. Take care of yourself. There's no way around the sadness of these disappointments. All the best to you and DH. Keep us posted. We'll be here.

Luna: Hope you get some answers soon. Very confusing the feedback you've had so far. Is it possible you haven't mc then? Just a bleed?

Saffy: unfortunately we were still in indecisive mode before Wed and made efforts to avoid getting pg. So unless these failed, 'o' on Wed would have done me no good. : ( Oh well, next month maybe! We're fully pumped to TTC now!

Clairesmummy: Hee hee, let's see how your willpower holds out against the hypnotising power of the POAS! No point me testing before AF due ((about a week after you) cos i doubt i'm UTD but i love waiting for other people to test!

AFM: More cramping. Feels more like AF coming than pg though. It's low down across my tummy... not a pg symptom i don't think. A general knowledge question (sorry if TMI): Why is the 'withdrawal' method unreliable contraception? Is it because guys can't always tell exactly when they are going to 'arrive' and it can happen before they get a chance to um, 'retreat' or is it because there can be a little 'dribble' before the main event?!!! (Sorry if i made anyone reading spit out their coffee or anything!!) lol

Possum- Lol at your appology for coffee spitting......cracked me up I was picturing each one of us having a cuppa and just getting comfy in front of our pcs then blarrrhhhhh coffee covered screens across the world.....lol.....I think they say it's not reliable because like you said the dribbley bit can get the job done you don't need the whole lot to get UTD, IYKWIM. And I'm not sure if my will power will hold up until Friday morning but I will TRY.......I did say try so now if I get up in the morning and have a huge urge to POAS this is what I will be doing soon after :wall::wall::wall:. I really don't think I'm even in with a chance. No headache tonight, woohoo for that last nights was a killer, earlier though I was very tender in my girly region it was getting very uncomfortable to sit down. Keep thinking AF is gunna hit at any minute but when I check there is nothing. It's CD27 for me and looking like I will/may make through CD28 with out any spotting or AF. Just wish I knew how late is dear ol' AF gunna be this month.......:shakehead:

AF is due tomorrow, I'm cramping, my boobs are heavy, fuller and firmer (according to my DH) and I've been nausea for the past 36hrs...I'm sure it's just in my mind. Don't know if I should waste anymore money on a HPT!

Over this!

Toomanyshoes- I would hold out and wait and see if AF arrives darl. Only 1 day to go and to save yourself the heartache of testing to early and getting a false neg. please wait.
Possum- You may be happy to hear I have held out from testing this morning...woohoo go the will power, I thought about testing then thought no wait and see what today brings first. My BBs are a little tender again today like they usually are before AF arrives but they also feel bigger and alot heavier than normal not an AF sign for me usually. But then again the way my cycles are going who knows.....lol.....I had a brain wave this morning I am thinking I may change my AF to Uncle Flow "UF" as she never arrives when she is sposed to. So if you see UF in any of my posts you will know what I am talking about.....lol.....
Hope everyone has a great day today, catch up with everybody later better go and get some of my chores done.
xox

Hi everyone,

I tested again this morning - BFN. AF started out light yesterday, today she is in full swing. I contacted our IVF nurses and told them, they were very sorry. We've been really pleased with the SIVF nurses - they've been so caring and gentle. So I'm not going in for the bt tomorrow and they said that's fine, there's no need if AF is here. Feel really lost - have been for a walk, baked my favourite cake, sat with the chooks - just aching with sadness. I watched 'Tears & Hope' in the LTTTC thread today and felt like it summed up the experience of infertility so well. I know I'll feel better in a few days, just need to sit with it and come to terms with it. My bbs are still big and sore, it's tormenting me a bit, feel like my body wants to be pregnant, just doesn't know how to get there. Keep wondering why it doesn't work, we always get embies they just never seem to stick. Just going round and around in circles...sorry for no persies, just not up to any today x

Alice my heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry that this latest cycle hasn't resulted in another BFP for you. I really don't know what to say but just wish so much things were different. I still can't believe how incredibly cruel this journey has been for you.