LT TTC after Miscarriage or Loss #5

Oh girls- heres a big :grouphug: for everyone, sorry everything is so crappy for you all

Alice- oh dear, what can I say, I'm soooo sorry, you shouldn't have to go through this,you have done eeverything right and been so good, its so unfair :hug: Theres no 'putting up' with you, it is a pleasure and we all want to see you happy x

Craftymummy- it must be so hard to be far away from your child and grandchild. You have had a lot on your plate with moving etc so be kind to yourself. Where did you get clomid?? My moods was fine on it for the first 2 months then the 3rd month I was a mess. you may as well start with it GL x

Matthewsmum- how are you going?? How is the acupuncture and chiro ( or was it osteo? you were having)

Sunbeam- sorry your housemate didn't behave in a more mature manner and is leaving you in the lurch. I lived by myself for years and love it, I hope you will enjoy having your own space for a while.

Claresmummy- did you get a test?? DO IT, DO IT!

Luna- have you had a scan?? Its hard not to have a "primary carer" and just have to rely on whoever you get on the phone. I think there is a good chance you are still pregnant, like Sunbeam said, if your BHCG is rising still. I SOO hope it is all ok for you xx

Possummagic- very exciting development ( the cramping) sounds a bit like implantation, which you definately could get if you o'd last wed/thurs- the timing sounds about right. No BD fest for me, I am spotting heavily on the pill, annoying and messy for BD ( sorry if TMI)

HI India'smum, Toomanyshoes, Damprye ( if you are still lurking) , Ferals, Mildez, Porsche, THopes ( how are you?), who else I always seem to miss someone.

Went out for lunch with my friend from the uk with her 6 month old IVF baby-sooo cute. There was another girlfriend there who is doing IVF with her girlfrend, their cycle is about the same time as mine, so our UK friend was giving us lots of support/advice and being so positive it was great!

Saffy- Yes I did buy some HPTs but not going to test until Friday....maybe....hopefully.....lol.....that's if AF don't arrive before then anyhow....I'm so over going to the loo to (sorry if tmi) poop. Everytime I pee I have to poop. What's the go with that......????? :wall: Had no cramping at all today after yesterdays cramps I was certain AF was arriving but so far she is a no show. Have another whooping Headache starting this afternoon. Feeling pretty well shattered this afternoon and would kill for a granny nap. It's CD27 for me today and the longest cycle I have had since my MC is 28days, so that makes tomoro D day for me ladies.
Crafty- I'm so sorry you are homesick darl, it must be so hard to be so far away from your family, sending you some big cyber hugs darl. I get home sick and my families only 5 hours away from me, hang in there darl we are all here for you hun.
Alice- Sorry Af showed darl, wish you could of sent her my way. Hope you are feeling better soon. :hug:
Sorry if I missed anybody, hope you are all well.

Alice: oh no! so terribly unfair after all your work to be healthy and give yourself the best chance. Take care of yourself. There's no way around the sadness of these disappointments. All the best to you and DH. Keep us posted. We'll be here.

Luna: Hope you get some answers soon. Very confusing the feedback you've had so far. Is it possible you haven't mc then? Just a bleed?

Saffy: unfortunately we were still in indecisive mode before Wed and made efforts to avoid getting pg. So unless these failed, 'o' on Wed would have done me no good. : ( Oh well, next month maybe! We're fully pumped to TTC now!

Clairesmummy: Hee hee, let's see how your willpower holds out against the hypnotising power of the POAS! No point me testing before AF due ((about a week after you) cos i doubt i'm UTD but i love waiting for other people to test!

AFM: More cramping. Feels more like AF coming than pg though. It's low down across my tummy... not a pg symptom i don't think. A general knowledge question (sorry if TMI): Why is the 'withdrawal' method unreliable contraception? Is it because guys can't always tell exactly when they are going to 'arrive' and it can happen before they get a chance to um, 'retreat' or is it because there can be a little 'dribble' before the main event?!!! (Sorry if i made anyone reading spit out their coffee or anything!!) lol

Possum- Lol at your appology for coffee spitting......cracked me up I was picturing each one of us having a cuppa and just getting comfy in front of our pcs then blarrrhhhhh coffee covered screens across the world.....lol.....I think they say it's not reliable because like you said the dribbley bit can get the job done you don't need the whole lot to get UTD, IYKWIM. And I'm not sure if my will power will hold up until Friday morning but I will TRY.......I did say try so now if I get up in the morning and have a huge urge to POAS this is what I will be doing soon after :wall::wall::wall:. I really don't think I'm even in with a chance. No headache tonight, woohoo for that last nights was a killer, earlier though I was very tender in my girly region it was getting very uncomfortable to sit down. Keep thinking AF is gunna hit at any minute but when I check there is nothing. It's CD27 for me and looking like I will/may make through CD28 with out any spotting or AF. Just wish I knew how late is dear ol' AF gunna be this month.......:shakehead:

AF is due tomorrow, I'm cramping, my boobs are heavy, fuller and firmer (according to my DH) and I've been nausea for the past 36hrs...I'm sure it's just in my mind. Don't know if I should waste anymore money on a HPT!

Over this!

Toomanyshoes- I would hold out and wait and see if AF arrives darl. Only 1 day to go and to save yourself the heartache of testing to early and getting a false neg. please wait.
Possum- You may be happy to hear I have held out from testing this morning...woohoo go the will power, I thought about testing then thought no wait and see what today brings first. My BBs are a little tender again today like they usually are before AF arrives but they also feel bigger and alot heavier than normal not an AF sign for me usually. But then again the way my cycles are going who knows.....lol.....I had a brain wave this morning I am thinking I may change my AF to Uncle Flow "UF" as she never arrives when she is sposed to. So if you see UF in any of my posts you will know what I am talking about.....lol.....
Hope everyone has a great day today, catch up with everybody later better go and get some of my chores done.
xox

Hi everyone,

I tested again this morning - BFN. AF started out light yesterday, today she is in full swing. I contacted our IVF nurses and told them, they were very sorry. We've been really pleased with the SIVF nurses - they've been so caring and gentle. So I'm not going in for the bt tomorrow and they said that's fine, there's no need if AF is here. Feel really lost - have been for a walk, baked my favourite cake, sat with the chooks - just aching with sadness. I watched 'Tears & Hope' in the LTTTC thread today and felt like it summed up the experience of infertility so well. I know I'll feel better in a few days, just need to sit with it and come to terms with it. My bbs are still big and sore, it's tormenting me a bit, feel like my body wants to be pregnant, just doesn't know how to get there. Keep wondering why it doesn't work, we always get embies they just never seem to stick. Just going round and around in circles...sorry for no persies, just not up to any today x

Alice my heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry that this latest cycle hasn't resulted in another BFP for you. I really don't know what to say but just wish so much things were different. I still can't believe how incredibly cruel this journey has been for you.

Alice- I'm so sorry darl, sending you massive amounts of cyber hugs darl. Hope you are feeling better soon. Take care of you.
xox

Alice - im so sorry, dont know what else to say, i wish things were different for you, you have worked so hard. My heart aches for you too. take care sweet xx

Alice - My sweet I am so sorry AF came with your BFN. I totally know how you feel and you are right, all you can do for now is sit with your feelings until you are ready to pick yourself back up. It is such a horrible empty feeling. Sending you big big cyber hugs :hug::hug::hug:

Alice:comfort::hug: So unfair.

Good Morning All just a quick update for you, I did the POAS this morning with FMU and it was a :bfn: still have :SAAF: CD29 today and have always had AF by now. Still getting some mild AF cramps but everytime I check there is nothing there. So I throw my hands in the air and surrender as I totally give up with TTC. Hope you all have a great day today ladies and thank you so much for all your support in here it means the world to me. I just wanna give you all 1 of these :grouphug: We are off to the Gympie for the week end to spend some time with my mum and dad, so I hope you all have a wonderful week end and here's to us all getting UTD in November, :crossfingers:
Take Care
xox

Morning all,

Alice- what to say? There aren't enough words to describe how unfair it is, I hope you can get through it but you shouldn't even have to xxx :hug:

Claresmummy- well, I don't think you are out of the running just yet but go away for the weekend (and take lots of pads and tampons- reverse psychology) and try and enjoy yourself and forget TTC, have a great weeknd lovey xx

Possummagic- ask my friend with 4 kids if the withdrawl method works lol!I think its because there is pre-ejaculate which has sperm in it, its to help lubricate things so actually maybe you are still in the running too! The cramping is not something I have ever got a week before AF- imagine if you were UTD after trying not to be -too funny!

Toomanyshoes- any AF yet?

Hi Crafty, Sunbeam, THopes, Mildez, India'smum, Luna-:hug: to everyone

AFM- feeling a bit down, my mum told me my cousin's wife has just been diagnosed with a disease and she might only have 5-10 years to live, she has 2 really young kids, its terrible. This weather isn't helping- 11deg, pouring rain, wind-boo.

I of course caved and tested yesterday, BFN. No AF yet, but I'm sure it will be here by this afternoon, just in time for me to deal with another unsuccessful cycle and my mother for the weekend :wall:

DH as also basically gone back to smoking didn't even bother taking the tablets yesterday, he's also said he's been really tired and feeling unwell since starting menevit (which is utter BS) so isn't talking them anymore.

Completely and utterly over it, it's not going to happen and if by some chance it did it's only going to end in yet another miscarriage so whats the point?

Going to book myself in for a mirena IUD so at least then I don't have to put up with AF.

Thanks for all the support girls, hope you all get your sticky BFP very soon and ferrals I truly with my whole heart and soul hope you get to take home your perfect little girl!

At least now I can work on getting over the last 3 years of heart ache because I just can't take anymore.

Alice - :comfort: It is devastating, I do not even know what to say.

toomanyshoes - I wish you luck with whatever decision you make, but are you sure it is not just PMS talking?

clairesmummy - sorry about BFN. But at least your cycle was better this time, so maybe things are improving

Crafty - I am a transplant myself, and after almost 20 years I still wonder if it was worth it... It is so hard sometimes, when you are thousands of miles away.

Saffy - sounds like my weather today, and it makes me feel exatly the same

possum magic - thank you for a bit of the comic relief. So needed lately. Perhaps it was not your intention, but thank you anyway.

ferrals - when are you getting the results of your amnio? We need some good news here.

Hugs to everybody I missed.

AFM - well, just when I thought it cannot get worse, now they are suspecting an ectopic. I managed to get another hcg, and they are creeping up very slowly:
Thurs - 192
Friday - 256
Tuesday - 479
This, combined with the constant bleeding, and progesterone around 14, makes it look like possibly an ectopic pregnancy. I did not have any pain yet, but maybe it is just too early. So now I am just scared. They really cannot do anything yet, because nothing can be seen on the scan with levels so low. I am going for another BT tomorrow, results on Monday. I did a ton of research on the internet about slowly rising hcg levels, and it never ends well, the best I can hope for is miscarriage at this point, (as opposed to ectopic). Part of me is still hoping everything will be OK but I am afraid this will make the disappointment even harder.
They gave me progesterone tablets and now I wonder if they will make things worse if it is ectopic. I am really going insane here.

oh Luna what a nightmare, I'm so sorry and even though both outcomes are awful I hope it is a mc and not an ectopic as I know how devastating they can be from my friend who has had two. So sorry things have gone this way for you :hug: I hope you get some resolution to this soon, it's so hard to bear when things just keep getting drawn out like this and you don't know what's going on. Thinking of you x

Toomanyshoes, a big hug to you too :hug: what can I say? this journey is hard, it can totally gut you to go through it and to have no answers and to not have the baby you long for for all your suffering. I am feeling the same way, I totally understand and I wish you all the best no matter where this journey takes you. Thank you for the love and support you've shown me and others here - it's what makes this community so special and we are here for you if you need us whether you are TTC or not x

Saffy, that's so sad for your family, I'm so sorry. There is no rhyme or reason to this sort of suffering, no matter how you look at it, life can just be so damn cruel. We are getting the gray wet weather up here too. Isn't this weekend your weekend away in a posh hotel? If it is, hope you have a really lovely relaxing time. Only a few more days until your injections start - very excited for you x

Sunbeam, Clairesmummy, T-hopes, Mildez, MatthewsMum, Crafty, Ferrals, and all you lovely women - thankyou for your kindness and support, it has made this all that much easier to bear. I have been through all our previous losses on my own and felt very lonely and isolated so it has been wonderful having you here to lean on.

I went to get my haircut this morning 'cause I made the appointment about six weeks ago and thought I may as well go it might cheer me up. I ended up in a flood of tears 'cause when I walked in the door there was a newborn in a basinet sitting on the table. Her mum had just had a haircut and popped out to get something so the girls were minding him. She came back and got him and the receptionist who was sitting next to me said sadly "oh...the baby is gone". I just couldn't hold it together - poor hairdresser just gave me a hug, didn't ask any questions, made me a coffee and then spent the next hour making me laugh with his funny stories. So in the end I felt OK. I thought maybe, just maybe, it was a positive sign that my baby days aren't over yet and there is still one out there for me.

Have a good weekend. Ferrals, only a few more days, then a few more, then I hope you will be free from all this stress and worry and able to enjoy this life growing inside you without anymore fear that she is sick. I am thinking of you xx

Alice - Thanks, I just don't have it in me anymore and I'm not the kind of person who can just keep going without "trying", seeing AF month after month would break my heart more and more so it needs to be a permanent thing, such as the IUD so there's no AF. I reread my post and you know what, it's been more like 6 years of heart ache that I haven't been able to move forward with, starting with my very first miscarriage and losing our twins while travelling home by myself for my fathers funeral after he committed suicide. I came to realise last night that if I were to be pregnant again and suffer another loss I wouldn't handle it, I wouldn't cope and it would be the last straw, my two children deserve better than that and deserve a mother who will continue to be there for them emotionally and psychically, which I know I couldn't provide if I had another loss.

Luna - I've never had PMS in my life, ever and I wouldn't say something unless I was sure. At this point in time and for the foreseeable future TTC #3 is over with. I hope you find out whats going on soon and get the answers you need, the seemingly never ending roller coaster your on at the moment must be very frustrating.

Saffy - I hope the long term diagnosis for your cousins wife is better and she continues to be able to see her children grow.

Clairesmummy - :hug: AF is never there when you want it and always there when you don't. It's awful when you keep getting BFN even though there is no AF in sight!

I'll probably keep stalking the thread if thats ok, thanks again for all the support :hug: