I'm 28 I've been with my partner for 6 years, at the start of our relationship we couldn't keep our hands off each other and ended up accidently concieving resulting in a traumatic ectopic pregnancy that though correctly identified by my doctor the hospital I was sent to remove it before it became a problem kept sending me home as they believed I wasn't in enough pain for it to be ectopic, my doctor sent me back 3 times where eventually it ruptured in their triage even with low blood pressure from blood loss they still missed it and lost the ultrasounds I was admitted with, after dealing with that joke of a hospital over three weeks my doctor had enough of their incompetence and sent me further from home to another hospital that looked at my ultrasound and put me straight into surgery, they treated me for blood loss whilst repairing my tube and in recovery i was told the only reason I hadn't died at the hands of the other hospital was because I had been bleeding into a fat pocket which slowed the bleeding.

My sister was pregnant round about the same time with my nephew, my nephew is nearly 6 my baby would have been 6 months younger, as I watch my nephew grow in life I ache for my angel baby, my sister has since had two more little girls, breaking the news of the third that wasn't planned my sister apologised to me and was upset that pregnancy came easy to her, I consoled her that we both knew mum had a 50℅ chance of passing on her poly cystic ovaries, being two of us one of us was bound to inherit it it just happened to be me, I also reminded her my most active ovary is the one attached to the damaged tube which lowers my conception chance rate.

It took about a year for me to get back on the horse after the ectopic debacle, I don't think my partner has finished processing the grief as even though I've started clomid and we've done three cycles where I've ovulated I haven't conceived I believe it's because our sex life has drastically dropped off, he seems reluctant to have sex with me, he has said he doesn't want to put me in hospital again, I feel like shaking him saying that was a long time ago get over it, I know deep down he'll probably never get over losing our baby and nearly losing me but a relationship where only one party is interested in sex is not a strong foundation for a future full of children.

I've tried everything to reingnite his passion but it's not there, he seems depressed but won't do anything about it, it's also embarrassing that I find myself having to mother him and friends saying why would I want a child when I've got a full time man child.

I just want to give up just walk away but it breaks my heart that being childless seems to be what my partner wants at least that's the impression I get from his behaviour