TTC & Taking Clomid &/or Metformin ~ December 06 #2

BW - I have everything crossed for a wonderful and fruitful appointment tomorrow :hug:

Deb - I meant that we had a *conversation* regarding clomid where you were the patient rather than the provider of information. We have also had a *conversation* about my bleeding where I was the patient. We are VERY good at giving correct and pertinent information to others but when we are the patient we seem to forget all that stuff and need the reassurance ourselves. Just funny to see the profession able to give information but unable to use it for our own benefit at times. TBH - I think my sense of humour has been warped by these pregnancy hormones :rolleyes:

:hello: to all you lovely ladies. May Santa bring you your greatest dreams.

Hi everyone!

I have a couple questions I was hoping you guys could help me with:

1) Does benadryl raise your BBT? This a.m. my temp is still up, but I took benadryl last night, and wondering if that has anything to do with it...

2) Does clomid make you have irregular luteal phases? The first cycle that I ovulated on, I got AF on 17 dpo (but I'm almost positive I conceived that cycle, just didn't implant -- had horrid cramping, skin break out, and everything). Next cycle, no symptoms AT ALL, and got AF on 14 dpo. This cycle, yesterday got pms cramps and other symptoms, temp is still up today at 16 dpo (but took benadryl last night), but still BFN this a.m. (on a sensitive test), so expecting AF any time now... Just wondering what is going on...

I'd appreciate any insight. Thank you!!!

BW -- I hope your appointment goes well today. That is so cute about how good your DH is with kids. I have faith that you guys will be having one of your own soon. And it's so nice to know that your DH will be such a good dad... Let us know how the appointment goes!

Walking Art -- I had to go in on CD 14, and get an ultrasound to check the size of the follicle and the thickness of the lining. If the follicle is big enough, I get a HCG shot. Also, my lining has been thin because of the clomid, so he perscribed estradiol to take once a day to thicken my lining...

Last cycle though, I was not monitored by ultrasound (I was away on vacation). Doctor said that shouldn't really matter...

How do you feel about starting the medicine?

BW- Woo hoo the day has finally arrived. Good luck in your appointment today. Make sure to drop in and let us know all about it :)

Emmydee- I really can't help you out with your questions about the benadryl but I was just going to say that Clomid changed my LP a fair bit. I did Clomid for 6 cycles (5 by its self and I with injections as well because the clomid didn't work that time) and it was only on the last cycle of Clomid by itself that I finally got a 14day LP. All of my other cycles were O late and then a short LP. I hope that AF stays far far away :SAAF:

I am a bit excited as today is my last day of injections. So I am now thinking of a couple of nice big follies waiting for me. Grow for Mummy little ones lol.

:hello: to everyone how are we all this morning ladies.

Good Morning

BW Good luck with your appointment today sweet. I hope all goes well for you.

Ktgirl Thanks for asking after me. I've been so busy the last couple of days. I had my final interview for the job I applied for yesterday so should know the outcome today, and I've been trying to get my shopping finished for christmas and a christening on Sunday and we go away on Monday for 3 weeks so trying to get camping/fishing gear and clothes etc packed. I just seem to be going around in circles.
On top of that we'll start the bd fest tonight hopefully. I'm on cd 13 today so we'd better get to it lol. The metformin isn't too bad now. Still feel ill at times but I think it has something to do with what I've just eaten if that makes sense? How are you doing chickie?? I hope you are well :D

Pollyanna :happybirthday: I hope you have a great day. Hows the bd fest going? I hope you are ok as I haven't seen you around for a while.

Hi to all you lovely ladies I've missed. I hope you are all great.

Ktgirl I hope your growing lovely big follies sweety. Lets hope this is the month for you.

Hi Mako- I am glad you popped in. You do sound very busy of late. Good luck with the BD and being on day13 yeah I would say get to it :bd: So wishing you heaps of conception vibes. You lucky thing going away for three weeks. Oh and GOOD LUCK today. I hope you get some wonderful news about the job. Let us know how you go.

Thanks for reminding me Mako...

:happybirthday: Pollyanna. I hope you have a wonderful day filled with lots of pressies,
cake, laughter and BD of course.

Smudge- How are you going any further news from you? Thinking of you.

Good morning ladies,

BW - Good luck with your appointment today. let us all know how you go. You sound like you have one fantastic DH. You brought tears to my eyes because its exactly how i feel at times and your DH sounds like mine. He is so excited and cant wait to have children and i feel really bad that i cant give them to him that easily. I know that my DH puts on a brave face and tells me that it doesnt matter but it still break my heart.

Emmydee - how do i feel? well a bit anxious because i dont know what to expect symptoms wise but at the same time hopeful because it feels like i have some extra help. Before i felt like i was going nowhere because i was just 'waiting to see what my body would do'. So hopefully it will all work out.

Happy B'day Pollyanna, hope you have a fantastic day!

:eek: If I thought I was nervous, excited, anxious and scared before... EEP! It's magnified so many billion times over today. The timing issues and whether my GP will be on time (he's normally not!) have really got me bothered!

WalkingArt, good luck with the clomid. It's impossible to say what you can expect in terms of side effects or anything else. I had lots of side effects, but no ovulation - so just remember that side effects aren't necessarily going to mean it will work, just as the lack of side effects won't mean that it won't work either.

It's crazy the type of things that are triggering anxiety problems... the biggest one this morning was that I'd chosen to wear a long denim skirt and a black shirt... only to find DH emerge after getting dressed wearing jeans and a black polo shirt! I just couldn't do it, so I'm now in a red shirt and anxiously awaiting the time to leave for the GP appointment. It's in 40 minutes, I think we'll leave in 10.

Thanks so much for thinking of me, everyone!

BW

Hi Ktgirl, Just thought I'd pop in to let you know that I missed out on the job. I'm sooo disappointed right now:frown: . The lady told me that if they had 16 positions available instead of 15 I would definately have a job. She also told me that if someone declines the position that she will offer it to me.Oh well life must go on and I'm sure I'll get work after Christmas. Hope your having a good day:hello:

BW Good luck again.

WalkingArt, I was sooo anxious taking the medicine. It wasn't so bad at all though. Except the blurry vision, but my doctor seemed to think that wasn't a big deal (not sure if I agree with him though). Also, I didn't ovulate on 50 mg, but did ovulate on 100 mg.

BW, how did it go???????

How long after taking provera can you expect AF. FS told me seven days after last lot, does this sound right to everyone?

Mako- I am so sorry to hear about the job sweetheart. But you know what there will be something else out there for you and it will all work out I am sure of it. For the mean time you just enjoy your three weeks away try to relax and enjoy your time with your DH. I will be thinking about you and I am insanly jealous that you have three weeks for a holiday. I want a holiday lol. Kepp your chin up :hug:

BW- Any news yet???

Walkingart- Seven days sounds about right for you to get a bleed on Provera. It has been about 8 months since my last dose so I can't remember exactly how many days I went but BW might have a more acurate answer for you because she has taken it recently. HTH.

Hey guys,

Sorry to keep harping on the pregnant friends issue, but I'm having a real hard time with it. My newly preggo friend (who happens to be my best friend) just told me that she saw the baby on a sonagram. I felt sooo jealous. Do you think I should tell her how I feel? I am happy for her, but totally jealous...

emmydee i totally understand how your feeling...i have just been told by a my close friend that she thinks she may be pg. Although its not confirmed, i cant help but be really jealous. She too has PCOS and has never taken anything for it or seen FS and she might be pg just like that. Where as i have been to FS, taken all the right medication for years and done all the right things and still its not happening. I feel selfish but i cant help being jealous!

thanks walking art,

it's nice to know i'm not the only one. i am not usually a jealous person, so it's difficult for me to feel this way.

i'm having a mini-breakdown today. i feel like everything in my life has become about ttc, i'm totally obsessed by it, and it's causing me to miss out on all the other things in life...

sorry to be such a downer...

Thanks Ktgirl. I'm sure I'll be fine when I get there. It's just so hectic trying to get organised especially since we have so many commitments between now and when we leave ie; night out tonight with friends for dinner, tomorrow night out for dinner(family christmas dh's dads side of family) Saturday christmas lunch/ dinner(dh's mums side) and Sunday Christening 1hour travel each way and christening party thingy afterwards.Oh well the time sure will go fast. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to relax while I'm away which will be nice.Who knows that may be all I need for things to happen for me IYKWIM.

Emmydee It sounds like your having a hard time atm. Just try to stay strong and keep your chin up sweety :hug: I think its completely up to you whether you tell your friend how you are feeling.

BW I'm stalking you in a nice way lol. I hope everything has gone well for you.

Hi to all you beautiful ladies, hope you are all great.

this has been my thread for a long time, and i'm NOT leaving you all but I........

- got my first faint :bfp: @ 9DPO and they have just been getting darker!! i'm 17DPO & i have just had a + blood test!!!:eek:

This is the 1st thread i have posted i cause i wanted my met and clomid girls to hear it from me first.

I am still very cautious and because i have misscarried and have PCOS, (met/clomid bubby) I am being scanned early @ 6 weeks.

so please send me lots of :stickyvibesgirl: and i'm sending:bellyrubs: to every single one of you- i've been in dark places after my loss and please know that your ALL coming with me if not this month then the next get ready for the met clomid thread clear out!!!!

OH Princess that's fantastic news sweety. I'm so very happy for you and am sending you loads of :stickyvibesboy: :stickyvibesgirl: CONGRATULATIONS :happyforyou:

That's wonderful news Princess!!! Congratulations on your BFP!!! :dance:
What date do you have your scan set down for?

Hey guys, just stalking BW. :hiding:

BBL to see how she went.

thanks guys!!

i'm hanging to see how BW went toooooo................

my scan is booked for next friday the 22nd............ still quite scared though!! i despretly want another met/clomid girl with me in BB though!!

:happyforyou: Princess that is such fantastic news. Congratulations. Sending you lots of :stickyvibesboy:

BW- Any news we all want to know how you went???

I am feeling a bit moody this afternoon, I know that it is because I have pumped myself full of hormones this week with the injections but I just want to say argh!!! Anyway I will get over it. My beautiful husband bought me some books of ebay so I have some reading to do. Someone was selling 5 of their PG books together so he bought me Up the Duff, The New Pregnancy and Childbirth, The natural way to better babies, What to expect and the Parents When not to worry book. I will be busy wont I. I am going to start with The Natural way to better babies as it is a preconception book. Although injecting myself with synthetic hormones isn't exactly natural :rolleyes:

I hope you are all having a good night. Congratulations again Princess. We are all trying to come in and join you.

:happyforyou: WOO HOO Princess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is wonderful news!!!! Big big congratulations - you have loads of sticky vibes coming your way!

Michelle- Yeah I get it (she blushes) I am just a little bit thick at the moment when it comes to *getting things*! Maybe I can blame it on hormones??? Christmas???? I am soooo wonderful at being calm and collected but when it's me that's another story... Us nurses are pretty special like that!
How are YOU going gorgeous woman? When is your next u/s? I am thinking of you BOTH... :hug:

Butterfly - come on woman you can't leave us all hanging here!!!!!!! PLEASE come in and tell us how things went!

Emmydee - how you are feeling is well within the realms of normal. She is experiencing what you should be too. JUst keep believing that you will be doing the very same thing soon (seeing your baby on u/s). :hug: It is always tough when we are confronted like this especially with someone we are so close too.

I will be back later to check on Butterfly

Princess...that's fantastic news!!! Congratulations!

KTgirl...that is so funny about the ebay books...I nearly bid on those ones!!! What a lovely thing for your husband to do..

Mako...so sorry to hear about the job...but like Ktgirl said...there must be something even better out there for you...

BW...where are you? Wishing you all the best...

i'm only 2 days behind you!!

I know!!!

We just need to get these other gorgeous women in with us too!!!

Sorry ladies, only just got home!

The timing went beautifully - my GP was reasonably on time, and we got to Parramatta with time to spare for lunch... then sat and waited at the clinic for an hour before we got in. Afterwards we went to try to do some more Christmas shopping, until I just couldn't handle it any more and then we came home - at which point I proceeded to cry the whole way home! :crying: Still not completely sure what that's all about - possibly as I didn't have time to process everything quietly by myself after the appointment.

But the news you've all been waiting for...

DH's blood tests came back normal - yay! So there's definitely nothing else going on for him other than the varicocele. Dr Knight was an interesting character - calls it as he sees it, and it was obvious that he was joking around at times to try to reduce the tension, but I've never before had a doctor make me feel so... I'm not sure what the word is!

We both got sent for blood tests (the nurse at the clinic was great for that, didn't hurt at all, but I had my usual failure to clot problem afterwards!), and DH needs to give yet another semen sample - he couldn't do it today as we hadn't abstained for three days! :oops: so he'll be back next week to do that, and I've got more blood tests to happen out here at home. I have to have a 2 hour glucose tolerance test (blerk!), I've just been reading the instructions on what I'm supposed to be eating for the three days before hand, and I'm not looking forward to it! Also worried about whether I should continue to take the metformin as normal, or stop - I think I'll have to call the clinic and ask them - didn't think of it while I was there.

And then there's the bit that I just can't wrap my brain around... He's referred to DH's varicocele repair as a waste of time and money, and said that he'd be a fool to have someone messing around with his nuts (in his exact words!). Which makes me think that IVF is thus going to be our only option, but when I said that he disagreed with me and told me to wait until all the test results are in and see what happens then. So now we've got my acupuncturist pushing embolisation, DH's specialist pushing surgery and now the fertility specialist saying do stuff all and leave it alone.

Unfortunately, from what DH's previous semen analyses have said, his results are bad enough that natural conception is going to be pretty much impossible in his current state, so I can't see how leave it alone is a valid treatment option at all... but I've also been told not to think that IVF is our only option just yet. The specialist did mention that DH's surgeon makes his money by performing surgeries, so of course he's going to push that option... although the specialist makes his money by doing IVF... what sort of conclusion can you draw?

When it comes to me... I'm told I stress too much and that IVF or no IVF I'm probably never going to conceive because of the stress levels and cortisol levels, and I got handed a sheet on CBT - which is all well and good, but it just seems to be information on how bad the stress is for achieving pregnancy, but nothing to actually DO about reducing my stress levels.

All in all, I'm feeling very discouraged. I feel like I'm never going to get pregnant no matter what because I'm such a stress-head... and I have such a high-stress job that it's not likely to change in any way soon! Up until today I thought I was ok with the prospect of needing IVF - but suddenly seeing that brought up and talked about has been really very confronting.

Things that are really bugging me right now... the specialist's opinion of my charting "haven't you had enough of this by now?" and his suggestion that the charting is contributing to my stress levels... I started charting because the whole big stress of not knowing what was happening was worse than the stress of taking my temperature every morning and popping it into the computer! The fact that even though I couldn't remember the exact numbers from DH's SA, I know they are pretty bad, and natural conception is unlikely - yet the specialist is advocating doing nothing, but that IVF isn't necessarily where we are headed... He also made some comment about the way I responded to something that DH said which makes me feel quite disturbed, as though he thinks our marriage is shaky or something.

Still not sure what to think, and still very teary, very discouraged... Next appointment is the 11th of January... If I was a bit less emotional and strung out right now I'd probably be laughing at the fact that there's a longer wait for our second appointment than there was for our first.

My dodgy attempt at personals (sorry!)

Princess - congratulations! sending vast amounts of sticky vibes your way.

WalkingArt, my AF arrived 5 days after my last provera tablet. Provera also turned me into some sort of raging mega-b!tch, so I'm in absolutely no hurry to go near it again.

BW

BW- please don't let htis man's attitude discourage you, how dare he!!:twisted: - You will fall pregnant and have a bubby of your own I really feel that.

You do have a high stress position though- maybe look at differnt options but this year has been stressful for you :(Bring on 2007 and a baby for BW

Hey BW

Hang in there chickie!

I too, initially didn't like my FS...found him to be flippant and condescending. He also made some snide remark about my charting (he said "well...the charts look colourful, don't they?) and basically left it at that. We were fuming when we left the office. For someone who is meant to specialise in fertility issues, I thought he would have had more tact and compassion...

BUT...having said all of that...he did end up being very thorough, following through with lots of tests that previous doctors had not done. And to date, he seems to have been able to help us with getting that elusive BFP. I'm even thinking of going with him as our OB.

So...I guess I just wanted to say that I feel for you and in some small way, have a little bit of understanding.

That's great news about your DH's BT and I wish him all the best for the other one!!!

Regarding stress...LTTTC is BLOODY stressful...if you didn't stress, you would be a vulcan! And don't worry about his insensitive comment about your relationship...this is a guy with limited interactional skills himself...he's an expert in fertility, not family therapy...so as much as you can, ignore it! You know where you and your DH stand...he has NO idea!

Regarding the conflicting advice, I don't know. As much as we didn't warm to our FS, we did decide to give him a go and trust him...and we were fortunate.

I too, like Princess, think that you will have your baby...how and by what means, we don't know...but hang in there! IVF is certainly an option but who knows what else may be out there...

Anyway...I just wanted to send you hugs and care!

Princess, Monnie... you two have just brought the tears flooding back!

My DH told me that the lady he sees for bowen therapy (who also has PCOS, and also used our acupuncturist, so would have had to chart - they seem to insist on it!) said that I'm way too stressed and it's never going to happen. That I should throw away the thermometer and get off the forum, as none of it is helping.

However, the support I get from the beautiful ladies here... knowing that there are so many people who understand how I feel, and have walked in these shoes... knowing that I'm not alone... it helps so much! I don't think I could ever leave here!

BW

Oh BW...

I so agree with you about the support from BB...it's extraordinary...I too, don't know where I would be without it...

I really don't understand how some people can be so insensitive...and the fact she is a therapist...that is such an awful thing for that woman to say...and does she think her comment will reduce that stress? Mind baffling!

I so hope you can enjoy your much deserved holidays...

Take care chickie!

And by the way...I think there's a whole lot of us here who would attempt to hijack and kidnap you if you did try to leave!!!

You have been a major source of support and compassion to me...and many others. You're willingness to investigate , explore and be vigilant in understanding fertility issues is admirable...I just can't wait to see that being rewarded!!!

Ugh! I'm going to have to stop reading tonight, otherwise I'm never going to stop crying! I think I'm just completely strung out emotionally - so saying all those lovely things about me is just beautiful, but it's really getting the tears going tonight!

On a slightly sillier note (perhaps because it's the end of the year), I feel a bit like I'm reading a report comment there, Monnie!

DH is trying to talk me into eating dinner (yes, even at 10pm!), but I'm mostly just looking forward to taking my meds and going to bed... I think I'm going to have to take some mersyndol to help myself relax enough to sleep properly tonight.

I think what's making it all worse tonight is knowing that Christmas is coming... I would always get so excited about Christmas, and would feel just like a little kid again! But now... it's just really bringing into sharp focus the enormous empty hole in my life and in my heart. I'm sure you all know how it feels.

BW

Princess - Can't wait to hear how your scan goes next week. It will be good to give you some peace of mind heading into Christmas. How exciting that you and monnie are going to be belly buddies!!!

Kate - I hope you don't get sick of reading all those books too quickly :) I have so many different books on fertility/pregnancy that I get sick at looking at them, because they don't tell me how exactly to really get the BFP IYKWIM. If only we could fall pregnant from reading about it LOL

BW - My FS also laughed at my charts, but I still insisted on taking them to each appointment and handing her a copy. She knew to look forward to them in the end :) She also said that I shouldn't bother doing my temps as it is probably adding stress. So I did stop temping after a few months, mainly because I started having nightmares about bugs crawling all over my BBT and me putting it in my mouth half-asleep, and so I freaked myself out LOL So in the end it did stress me.

Your FS probably doesn't want to make any promises about where to go from here until he has done all the tests for himself to see what he thinks. You know what these doctors are like. I'm sure he will be better next time he sees you, once he has reviewed everything. But if he tells you to give up BB tell him to get stuffed :P I hope you have gone to bed and have a good nights rest, and keep away from your DH for a few days ;)

Princess -- CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so excited for you! :happyforyou: Sending lots and lots of sticky vibes your way!!!!

Missbelinda -- oh my gosh, I laughed out loud reading about your nightmare about your BBT!!!

BW -- That sounds tough with all those options. You know, my friend was trying for months, when they found out that her DH had variocole, and they were told they would need IVF. She also has PCOS. He went in for the surgery. They were told that they wouldn't see results for 6 months, so they were taking a break. Well, just 2 months after the surgery, wham! she was pregnant. Totally surprised. So I do know the surgery works for some people. I'm not suggesting it for you. I just don't understand why your FS is so sure that it would be a waste of time.

As for being stressed, it is totally normal! You could go into denial, and just forget about it, but I think you should go after what you want. It sound to me like you are doing a FABULOUS job, and doing everything right! But, of course, if you can reduce the stress, that would be great too (if you figure out how, let me know!). Personally, I think talking to the ladies on this thread HELPS reduce the stress. I know I'm pretty new to this thread, but you guys have been amazing, and such a comfort to me.

And I need it too! AF came today at 17 dpo! :neutral: I feel okay though. Yesterday was awful cuz I was in limbo, and my hopes were up. Now, I'm like allrightie, let's just move on.

Emmydee - Sorry that AF turned up *hugs*.

BW, I honestly think in a few days you'll be feeling much better. You just need to take the time to process all of the info you've been given. I felt completely overwhelmed after my first FS visit and was also in tears for most of the afternoon. I'd gone in there hoping to have a chat with him and see what he though of our situation and came out with completed admission forms for another surgery - NOT what I was expecting.

As for whether or not your DH should have surgery - I have friends who found themselves in a similar situation. In this case it was her who was contemplating surgery (a lap for suspected endo, she also has PCOS and one blocked tube). After all the initial testing etc and finding out that they had problems on both sides (her DH had a few issues with his SA) their FS left the option to them - put yourself thru this surgery, the pain, the expense, the time off work etc etc and hope that it makes a difference. At the end of the day, it may not, considering the other problems you both have. Or, go straight to IVF, cut out all of the waiting, hoping, wishing in between and know that you'll have a great chance at success. With so many issues to work around, this is the option they chose. She's now 21 weeks pregnant. It only took her about 10 weeks to achieve this pregnancy (she did one stim cycle, BFN, then did a FET the next month and fell prg).

I guess what I am trying to say is I'd wait until all your test results are in and see where you both stand. If there are too many issues to address and work around, it may be better for you both to go straight to IVF and not worry about DH's surgery. I obviously haven't done as much research on the varicocele issue as you have, but I have read lots of women's experiences where their DH's surgery hasn't improved their chances of fertility at all. Perhaps this has been the experience of your FS and that is why he has recommended leaving it, considering that you also have some fertility issues?

On that note, I agree with Monnie. I was a bit iffy with my FS the first time I saw him. I really think you need to give this Dr at least a second chance before you come to any conclusions. I love my FS, he is just awesome, but in my opinion, how well they do their job is far more important than their bedside manner. You just want him to 'get the job done' and get you prg, not be your friend.

Anyway, I hope after all that rambling I have helped somewhat! LOL!!

Also - big congrats to Princess!! :confetti: Well done. Hoping you have a very healthy and happy prg.

Emmydee, sorry AF turned up, I had a similar experience this month (longer than normal cycle) and it sucked the big ones when she finally turned up. A few days later now and I'm feeling much better.

Butterfly big big :hug: from me...

There were a few things that were said that disturbed me and only you on reflection can know if you like this guy. Liking him, respecting him and growing trust in him is very important as you will have a journey together. Having said that, sometimes these things come with time. Only you will be the judge of that.

You do seem quite stressed out. Fertility issues by their very nature are very stressful. You would be a super human not to be. What you need is some practical ways to deal with that. I really think that finding some ways to deal with your anxiety could be a real benefit. Have you tried yoga? I find it wonderful, but there are many other techniques and therapies that can help.
However, I am quite uncomfortable with statements that "you will never get pregnant if you are so stressed"... That's a big call.

I also am not sure why he is debating your husbands repair. Did you press him for further information?

Fertility specialists deal with couples who have been LTTC every day. Compassion and understanding is paramount. I am sorry that your charting was sniffed at. Charting can be a useful tool. However, I too think it can become a bit of a focus... However, so can opk's or whatever. When you are on this journey "doing" something can feel at least like you can be a little proactive.

Butterfly I would really take some time to process the information and see how it all sits. I would also suggest that you make an appointment with DR S. Sweetie, this is too big to put into the hands of someone that is seeming so flippant. That was a big statement from me - so I hope that it is okay to say that...

Love to everyone else... :hug:

I'm feeling a bit better about things this morning... I think last night I was just completely overwhelmed and was desperately missing the time I needed to process everything. Note to self: crowded shopping centres are NOT the best place to be after medical appointments!

Intellectually, I'm quite aware that I've over-reacted and misinterpreted a lot of things... I'm not quite worked through things enough to figure out exactly how I have, and what the correct interpretation should be.

When it comes to why he said the varicocele repair would be a waste of time - he handed us a paper from the Cochrane collaboration which went through and summarised the findings of a heap of studies on varicocele repairs and pregnancy rates. The summary there is that in couples with otherwise unexplained infertility that varicocele repairs do not improve pregnancy rates. There's a lot of stuff in the paper that I just don't have the medical background to understand, but I am left thinking that we don't have otherwise unexplained infertility, and aything that improves things on either side should be worth a shot! I'll chat to my acupuncturist this evening, and we'll certainly be asking more questions next appointment, and more questions of DH's specialist when we go see him (16th of Jan)

I am going to give him another go... I know I was feeling really quite stressed on the day, and couldn't really cope with him questioning me directly - I really wanted to hide behind DH! But I also recall not really liking my rheumy on the first appointment and feeling like a right clod when I couldn't answer his questions (decribe the pain I'm feeling? It hurts, dammit! I block it out so I can get stuff done, and now you want me to think about it?! It moves, it changes, it's never the same! I can't describe it!), and now I love him to bits and wouldn't ever dream of switching to another rheumy.

From the way he questioned me at the end of the appointment, I'm pretty sure he picked up that I'm a bit of a control freak... and that this stuff being so far out of my control is damned scary. But I don't think he realised that if I can't control I need to understand, and that helps to reduce the stress of me not being able to control things.

I've been sitting here staring at this post for the last few minutes - and I just can't get my current thoughts and feelings into words. I guess that where I am right now is better than last night, but still a lot of thinking, processing and just general pondering to happen on top of what has already taken place.

BW