Returning to work when you have a baby with seperation anxiety

[Emma27]

My little boy used to be fine with other people but now that he is 7 months something has changed - he only wants to be with me and sometimes dh.

He used to love spending time with his Grandma. Last week when we left him with her while we went out to dinner he cried for a whole hour! Today when I went over her house he cried everytime she picked him up. I was supposed to go out to meet a friend but he was so heartbroken that I couldn't seperate from him.

Last year I told my school that I would return there to teach in term two. For some reason I thought returning to work would be fairly easy. That was before Joshua was born and I didnt quite understand how attached you get!

The following things are on my mind..
* The plan is to leave Joshua with his Grandma for two days. Will he ever get used to this? I feel so terrible. I know he would prefer to be with his mummy.
* Joshua cant self settle yet. Will my MIL have trouble putting him to sleep each day?
* I'm still breastfeeding and want to continue until he is one year old. How am I going to balance this with work? I supposed I could try expressing milk during lunch but during my 'lunch time' I often have to do playground duty, mark work, attend meetings..

Im close to telling my work that I wont be returning until next year. I'm just so aware of how precious my time with ds is and how much he loves being with me. My work has organised a time share position for me to return to. I feel really grateful for this. I dont want to stuff them around and annoy them. But I am not convinced that returning to work is the best thing for us.

Money is a bit of a concern. DH really wants me to return to work as we have a house we are paying off. However we do have a big amount saved that we could depend on. So I think I could stay at home a bit longer. DH would prefer me to return as he wants our family to have financial security.

I'm going to try leaving him with my MIL more often. Hopefully this is just a stage Joshua is going through. I really want him to grow up to confident and independent. Maybe he will eventually enjoy spending time with someone different?

I know I have waffled on for ages. But have been feeling stressed today and it feels good to talk about my worries. I'm sure there are many people on BB who have been in a similar situation.

[fionas]

Hi Emma

Firstly, don't return to work just because you feel like you owe them and don't want to stuff them around. They will cope without you.

Secondly, financially it won't make THAT much difference if you go back when you intended or six months later in the whole scheme of things. It's not like you're talking about being a SAHM forever.

Thirdly, I think it's quite normal for babies to go through separation anxiety at this age (my book says around eight months) so he will get through it BUT if you would rather spend more time at home with him than go back to work right now, then go with your heart.

Finally, there will always be money ready to be earnt but you can't wind back the clock and regain time with your baby.

[Mother Goose]

My DD has been going to child care since she was about 5 months - 3 days a week last year and then increased to 5 days in Jan this year (she was a little shy of 11 months). DD has always loved child care and the routine... then all of a sudden she couldn't stand to be apart from me. She wasn't interested in DH but she was happy to go to the carers at the centre. She stopped sleeping as much at child care and when I picked her up, she would start to bawl as soon as she saw me and crawl over as fast as she could, sit up with her arms up and start to bellow "Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, MAMA!!!!". It didn't matter what the carers did, she wasn't interested in anyone other than me. It was very very hard for me to deal with because I had to work (still do). I started sleeping with her child care sleep toy (we have one for home and one for there) so it would smell like me and would help her at the centre. It worked. I also spoke to the carers and they helped out heaps. We kept to DD's routine but she got lots of cuddles at home and when I picked her up. When I dropped her off, I didn't linger (which was hard because one of the carer's and I are always up for a chat!) but would give DD a big hug and kiss and tell her I loved her and I (or Daddy if he had to) would pick her up at the time we were collecting her and to have a fun day. She settled down after a couple of weeks. Part of DD's issue was we had just moved house - which probably caused some insecurity for her, which is why we were so keen to keep up her routine.

I HTH and hang in there.

MG

[sconeonamission]

Yeah DS is going thru this stage... I think my DH should read Fionas post.... as it borders on how I feel atm....