I was diagnosed with Leukemia in September last year. Funnily enough I'm only just accepting that I may not be getting better any time soon. So I've decided to diarise my journey from here. Firstly, I need to go back a little and explain how I got to where I am now. At a place of acceptance.

In July 2007, I got a bad cold which became a chest infection which I couldn't shake. It got so bad that could barely look after my four children. My husband took time off work. I'm a very driven person and I decided to just push on. Throughout July, August and September kept attending births. But these would knock me down for at least a week. Eventually I saw my GP for yet another lot of antibiotics. This time she did a blood test. The next morning at 7.40am I got a call from the GP's receptionist asking me to be at the office by 8am. Yeah! An easy task with four kids to get ready for school, and at least 20 emails and phone calls to return.

The GP saw me straight away, despite the fact that there were several other people ahead of me in the waiting room. I knew before I sat down. The other GP that worked at the office was there in the room and I just said "It is cancer isn't it" and the male GP just shook his head, looked at my four year old and said "I am so sorry". I drove to the local shopping center and went to the toy section. I needed some normalcy for my son and some space to make a few phone calls. I called my husband and asked hm to come home. I called my Mum and told her what had happened. Then I called my friend who s also a Doula, and we talked about how this could possibly have happened. I'm a vegetarian. Was just 31 years old.Don't drink,smoke or do any drugs. Never have. I'm a natural through and through. I spend my life keeping things as natural as possible. When my first child was born 14 years ago, I wouldn't even drink cordial during my labour. While the midwives were hell bent on getting an epidural into me n my 21st hour of labour, I was sticking to my guns. If I could do that, how could I possibly have cancer????

Treatment began that day. I kept working, but it was hard. It was a double edged sword. I couldn't live without being a Doula. But being a Doula could have been the straw to break this camel's back.

I was sick.

I got sicker.

First my hair went grey. Then it started to fall out. There were days when I would call my Mum and tell her I wasn't going to continue treatment. There were days when I would look at my kids and feel such overwhelming guilt. Not that I would not see them grow up. But that I would not be able to help them to grow up. Sometimes I just stayed inside and cried all day. Other days I needed to get out.

I got through two rounds of treatment. Then they told me I would probably get better. I took on more clients and life started feel worth living again. We moved into the city and I changed my focus in life. I left the ladder climb and the drive behind. Who needs it? I know I'm great, my family, friends and the people who matter know I'm a good person. Nothing matters. Just my health and my life.

Then... in February 2008 I got a cold and a chest infection which I couldn't shake. I saw a GP in March who looked at me and said "I'm so sorry". And so it started all over again. Only this time I stayed in hospital. The week I was discharged was Anzac weekend. On Anzac Day I felt overheated and clammy. I couldn't breathe. It took 6 days before I stopped breathing entirely. My DH rushed me to hospital on our daughter's 12th birthday. I was resuscitated and given an adrenaline shot. Not my finest hour. It was a wake up call. We women need to start putting our health first. I tried so hard not to miss my daughter's birthday, and in doing so nearly killed myself.

It is now 3 weeks since I went into hospital. I came home on Tuesday. I'm very bruised and very sore, but I'm still here! I start another round on Monday and I am not looking forward to it! I will come here and put my journey into words. And hopefully one day I'll be able to close the thread because I'll be cured.