My MIL is here

[Netix]

My (real) MIL is with us atm. She passed away last year, no, the year before (sorry, forgot it's now next year) in about July ( I can't remember).

She comes to see my daughter in her room, which is also the room that she stayed in for a couple of weeks when she came and stayed with us just before Steph was born (MIL actually went home the day before I went into labour). She doesn't make herself visible to the rest of us, but she makes herself heard by walking around the house sometimes. Unfortunately I have to keep asking her not to go into Steph's room as she is trying to go to sleep because Steph doesn't like it. I'm not sure if she's scared (sometimes it seems like she is) or what.

The Man seems happy that she is around, and also spending time with Steph I think (as she never even held her when she came back for a while), but I think hopes that she will make herself visible to him or the Boy (they both miss her lots. Thankfully, they flew to see her and say their goodbyes before she passed away).

Steph says that MIL is unhappy and I think that this is because of a number of reasons; her second departure back interstate went very badly (Man and Boy never said goodbye before she flew out), we didn't get to spend much time together as a family, and we didn't go to the funeral (it was interstate). Also, the time that she was here with us didn't go very well. Just a sad time all round really.

I would like to be able to communicate with her, certainly not to tell her to go, but to tell her that we are sorry for things past, we love her, and its okay to be happy now.

Anyway, don't really have a question, just wanted to share what's happening around here.

[AngelPunks]

have you just spoken to her, walked around the house and spoken to her? I know it is a stupid question, but I do that to mum all the time, whether or not I can feel her around or not.

[Netix]

I have actually. I don't feel like I'm getting any response though. Even when I ask her to leave Steph's room I have to ask Steph if she is still there. I have only gotten feedback once that I can remember, and the light flickered when she left the room. Perhaps she was having a go at me?

That's why I want to communicate with her better, as I don't think I'm having much success at present.

The Boy walked up the hallway before and said quite definitively that she was hare though. He didn't see her, but he could feel her there.

[Sopdet]

Netix
Maybe you could ask Steph to speak to her, or to ask her how she wants to be communicated with.

This will sound a bit strange, it is sounding strange to me as I write it, but maybe you could make her part of the family, like have a place for her at dinner, the children tell her about their day, make her feel like she is still loved. Maybe a picture of her, with a vase near it with her favourite flower, or a candle.

[AngelPunks]

I have actually. I don't feel like I'm getting any response though. Even when I ask her to leave Steph's room I have to ask Steph if she is still there. I have only gotten feedback once that I can remember, and the light flickered when she left the room. Perhaps she was having a go at me?

I can never work them out sometimes She could have been "having a go" saying to you that she was quite happy in Steph's room and she didn't want to go (dad used to occasionally slam the door when I asked him to leave). I like Sopdet's idea with including your MIL with the family stuff. I have pics of mum & dad around, with their fave things nearby, I also have tea-light candle holders near their pics so I can light candles there sometimes and will stop and talk to them - or just walk around and talk to them, heck I freak the neighbours out by having long drawn out convos with them sometimes (have learnt to fake it and have the mobile phone to my ear when I do this - gotten sick of the "oh yeh she's the wacko witch" looks ) My cat has also been known to have convos with mum (she never knew dad).

That's why I want to communicate with her better, as I don't think I'm having much success at present.

How was your communication with her when she was on this side of the realm? Are you changing your communication styles coz she's "over there" and not here?

The Boy walked up the hallway before and said quite definitively that she was hare though. He didn't see her, but he could feel her there.

I like Sopdet's idea - maybe get the kids to talk to her.

Good luck with it all sweetheart

Chat to me on fb if you want to ask more - I can probably put you in contact with some of my friends who could help

[Rainbow_Mumma]

I think the other girls have some fantastic ideas, I remember when I was little my grandfather who I had never met (passed away when my dad was 13) used to come visit my room Im not sure if he visited anyone else not exactly the thing you can discuss with my family

[Netix]

To be honest, the only photo of her we can find is when she was dancing with the Man at his first wedding, and even then, you can't see her face. The only other photo we have of her is sitting up in a hospital bed after she went home again the second time. And we can't find that photo. I don't know what her favourite flower is, or anything favourite for that matter. When she was staying with us, she never wanted to eat with us or be a part of anything we did. Which is one reason why it went so badly and that her and the boys never said goodbye. The only reason I got to say goodbye was because I drove her to the airport. She never even told the Man that she was intending on leaving. She got me to book her flight.

When she was living interstate, she would always write to the Man and tell him that she dearly wanted to live close to us, but then when she was here, she complained that she just wanted "to go home" (back where she was interstate, and that it was a mistake to have left her unit down there and come here).

We have told Steph its okay to talk to her, and not to be scared. And that she can tell MIL that its okay to be happy and that we love her. All of our communication wasn't very good while she was here, but I don't think that I'm changing styles. She is extremely headstrong, and if you don't see it her way or if she doesn't get her way, then everyone else is wrong/the system is wrong, etc.

The Boy didn't sleep at all well last night because we had been talking about Nana being here, and I'm not sure that he is ready to talk to her at the moment. I think he could be afraid of getting a response, or being let down and not getting a response, iykwim.

Punks, I don't have facebook, and even my messenger program has somehow expired! I can't chat to anybody! But thanks for the offer.