Ok this is going to seem all over the place and it kind of is. I am not really sure what I'm asking, but hopefully someone is able to help. I'm opening myself up to you all and really really hoping someone has something for me. Like I said I'm not sure what you'll have but hopefully its something.

My grandfather, who I was very close with and lived with for 15 years, passed away the afternoon I went into labour. it was a real shock for us all. He had been given a diagnosis of blood cancer just after his 80th birthday (3 months before he died), but didn't tell us. Then two weeks before he died he had a fall which caused a blood clot which travelled to his brain and caused a stroke. He seemed to get better, but then got worse and deteriorated very quickly. A few days before he passed Shel and I were with him, and we had just told him that we were going to use the name Jasmine Ray. His name was Raymond, and we thought it would mean a lot to him (my youngest brother shares his middle name and he was always very proud).

He then said something. I don't know what he said exactly as his speech was slurred, and he had just had a stroke. It sounded like 'carry her' or 'marry her'. Three syllables, with the really distinct sounds " *rry *er ". But the * were sounds that we couldn't make out.

I think about this daily. It's been 18, almost 19, months now. It has been a long drawn out process regarding his will and wishes. His home has just been sold, and in 13 days it will be settled and the whole thing will be over. Physically anyway.

Emotionally it's sitting there.

Does anyone have anything for me?