Hi everyone. I don't know why I am posting in here... I think I really just need to get it out of my system. I have 3 children, and recently my husband and I started trying for a 4th. We were thrilled when I discovered I was pregnant, and I even took 5 tests to be sure. When I went to confirm the pregnancy though, the doctor said my HCG levels were extremely low. He said it was not cause for alarm, as it could just be very early in the pregnancy. I was to go back this week for another blood test to see if the levels had risen. Unfortunately, Saturday morning I started bleeding. I knew it was over... and I was devastated. I cried all day. I went to the doctor who did an internal, and she said that yes, more than likely I was miscarrying at just over 5 weeks. My cervix was closed, which I thought was strange, but she said with the amount of blood loss it was pretty conclusive. Having an ultrasound this afternoon to confirm. Still bleeding, but it's easing off. Has been like a heavy period with little clots, not a lot of pain, just mild cramping.
I know it's over, but I keep looking on the Internet, looking for hope that maybe it's not over. I found out that there's a condition called Subchorionic Hemorrhage, and you bleed quite heavily from a clot, but the pregnancy is usually still viable. I know I am kidding myself, but I can't seem to help myself. I didn't think it would hurt so much. I am so lucky, I have a lovely family... but I am still so hurt. I just needed to talk about it I guess... my husband is great, but he doesn't really understand how hurt I am... my friends are avoiding the subject, probably to save me the pain of talking about it.
First Loss
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's to you.
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