Here I am again

**Diamond Girl** · November 18th, 2011, 02:38 PM

Today was my NT scan. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I woke up happy (and sick from m/s) because today was the day I could finally relax. I was 12 weeks and was so happy to be wearing maternity clothes. I loved my newly formed baby bump. We had decided to take the boys to our scan and show them their new baby brother or sister for the first time. DH and I were overjoyed when we saw our baby was healthy and kicking at our 10 week scan less than two weeks ago. The heartbeat was so strong, just like galloping horses, we thought everything would be ok from there on.

As we went into the room, I felt a bit nervous, but assumed it was because Id had bad news so many times before, but I didn't think anything was actually wrong...but it was. The scan showed a perfectly formed, very still little baby that measured just three days behind expected gestation. I thought the baby was just sleeping.

I was then offered an internal scan and the news was confirmed. My baby died 3 days ago. My Dr was informed and I was told to go home and wait until Monday when my Dr would advise me the next steps. No counselling, no Im sorry for your loss, nothing.

So here I am, back here left to deal with the reality of four miscarriages within 15 months. I am not strong enough to deal with another loss. I can't do it. How do I process this when I am absolutely hysterical. How do I cope when I can't even breathe without feeling pain in every part of my body? How do I let go again? I loved my baby so much. I could do it the first two times, but then the third took me to a place I never want to revisit. I can't do this... not now, not again. Im too broken...

**Maruschke** · November 18th, 2011, 02:43 PM

Oh my hun that is so not fair and my heart broke just reading the title of this thread. I am so so so sorry.

**Saffy** · November 18th, 2011, 02:44 PM

oh no, no, no Diamond girl, that is just too sad, you poor darling

**LimeSlice** · November 18th, 2011, 02:50 PM

I'm so sorry

**Miss.September** · November 18th, 2011, 02:55 PM

Oh, Diamond Girl.

I'm so sorry hun

**diannescruffy** · November 18th, 2011, 02:59 PM

So sorry hun, my heart breaks for you.

Regards,
Dianne

**~Hestia~** · November 18th, 2011, 03:09 PM

I'm so sorry

**STARRYSKY** · November 18th, 2011, 03:12 PM

I'm so sorry DG, so sorry for your loss of your precious bub, for having to go through this again.
Biggest of hugs, xox

**Calluna** · November 18th, 2011, 03:13 PM

I'm so sorry

**beckoes** · November 18th, 2011, 06:44 PM

im so sad for you. im send you a big beautiful cyber hug.

**Bex** · November 18th, 2011, 07:04 PM

DG if there were only words that could bring you comfort at this time but I know there's not. I'm so sorry & I hope your family can bring you the peace you need to get through this.
Take care x

**trishy** · November 18th, 2011, 07:13 PM

DG I truely can not understand why this has happen to you again. A beautiful person such as yourself who was there for me and other suffering HG. I hope you can find the strength and peace somewhere. You are truly a strong and amazing woman. GBH's