My glimmer of hope has gone

**tilygirl** · January 20th, 2012, 03:57 PM

We had our second scan today, which was not good news I'm afraid.
Our first scan at 6w+5d showed we were 9 days behind on our dates with only a sac and fetal pole present.
I had so hoped our dates were off and I had ovulated later, but this was not the case.
Our scan today showed the sac had not increased in size and the fetal pole had disappeared.
We are just so devastated and heart broken.
I will be having a D&C on Monday so we can send away for genetic testing.

I had allowed myself to hope this time, I tried to trust my body. I told myself that my intuition was wrong that this was Lucy's gift to us... a surprise pregnancy, conceived without clomid. It was meant to be. How can this be happening?

I am so numb, I really thought this time might be different.

I still feel like I am so lost after the loss of Lucy, like I am drifting through each day. I have no control over what is happening to me.
This pregnancy gave me a glimmer of hope, some direction and now it is gone again.
Whether I like it or not I have to face what is being thrown at me.
People are saying to me they think I am so strong, but I am not sure that strength has anything to do with it because I am not strong and I didn't choose this.

Sorry for rambling, I think I am in a state of disbelief

**TeniBear** · January 20th, 2012, 04:04 PM

**~~Snoogans~~** · January 20th, 2012, 04:05 PM

Just want to give you massive

I have no words xx

**~Hestia~** · January 20th, 2012, 04:08 PM

I'm so sorry

**~TT40~** · January 20th, 2012, 04:15 PM

Aww hunny *massive hugs*

Sent via my vortex manipulator!

**feeb** · January 20th, 2012, 04:16 PM

So very sorry

xoxo

**sunshine 11** · January 20th, 2012, 04:20 PM

You deserve not to have to go through this, which is why it makes it so much harder, the pain so much deeper. No words will make it better, but I hope knowing there are people you have never met thinking of you right now brings some small level of comfort.

**Marley&Me** · January 20th, 2012, 04:26 PM

I am sorry this is happening to you tilygirl. It just isn't fair

**beansbeans!** · January 20th, 2012, 04:29 PM

oh

Tilygirl!

***Ash*** · January 20th, 2012, 04:31 PM

Oh tilygirl, I am so, so sorry.

**Pholi** · January 20th, 2012, 04:33 PM

I'm so, so sorry for you, tilygirl.

**LionsandBears** · January 20th, 2012, 04:43 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much this meant to you

FWIW, I hate the "you're so strong" stuff too. Like you had a choice or it happens only to the strong. You deal with hand that is dealt and there is nothing fair about it at all.

Take time to grieve