A little (long) expression of thoughts

[blessedatlast]

So this time 2yrs ago I was pregnant, paranoid, but so happy to be carrying 2 precious lives. I miss my babies so much.

Today I went through their baby books because I was unpacking all their stuff from a box into a bag ( what I call the 'fire bag', easy to grab if there is a fire! Contains photos and their memory boxes, something I would never want to lose) so I guess that is what has brought up some emotion tonight.. (That and the bottle of red )

Although time has eased the pain somewhat, I will never stop loving them, missing them, or thinking about them.. They have helped shape who I am today, and I am so proud to the mother of Taite James and Seth David, my twin boys. I just wish they were here, so I could show them and tell them how proud I am of them.. Just had to get that out I guess.. It has been a while since I have acknowledged the grief I still feel..

I would normally write on my blog, but someone I know came across it and hasseled me about how writing about grief and sadness all the time just brings more negativity to my life.. Maybe it does, so I tried not writing about it, but, even if I don't write about it I still feel it. Does acknowledging it make it worse?? I am trying to figure that out..

Well this turned out to be a bit long winded lol... I think I have come a long way, and I think that unless you have been through a loss you couldn't possibly understand, but at the same time, I don't want to dwell, and become that 'poor me, my babies died' person.. So I am trying to find a balance, if there is one.. Maybe it really is just time that puts things into perspective?

[mrsmac]

Hugs hun, I don't think that kind of loss is something you ever get over. I know your boys are proud of you.