miscarriage?

Tammy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. It's such an awful thing for anyone to have to go through. I really don't believe that it matters whether it was planned or not - the fact is that from the moment you knew you were PG you loved your little one and created hopes and dreams for him/her!

It can be difficult when you are surrounded by people who haven't experienced a m/c and who are unsure of what to say or do to support you at this time. It can feel very isolating and lonely. Rest assured that you are not going insane - the feelings you are experiencing really are totally normal, as awful as they are and as terrible as you feel. You grieve the loss of your little one just as you would grieve the loss of any other family member, but it can be harder for those around you to relate to that.

I hope that you'll come back to share how you are feeling so that we can try and support you through this difficult time.

Thinking of you....

Dee, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.

Please let her know of this forum and the support BB offers.

Tammy, I can relate to how you feel. Our second pg was conceived on a very special day for us, and after the m/c I felt just awful.

However, the girls here understand what you go through and are always there when you need to vent, for whatever reason.

Best wishes.

Huge :hugs: Tammy

It can be so hard to find support when the people you love have not experienced the same hardships. Like Tootie said it makes no difference if the pregnancy was planned or not, the hurthing is the same.

When we suffered our m/c I know I took it a lot harder in some ways than even my DH, because as the person carrying the child you feel an immediate connection that other people often just can't relate to.

Please know that your feelings are all normal, and as Michelle said it really does get easier to live with over time. There will never be a time you forget that special little person who shared themselves with you, but the pain does dull in a sense.

I hope you drop back in to chat some more. Everyone in here is really supportive and understands where you are at.

Take care,

Hi Tammy,

Big *hugs* to you! I am so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. The other girls have really said it all so well, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. You will find so much support and understanding here on BellyBelly. I don't know how I would have gotten through my m/c's without all of that amazing support!

Please do keep in touch and let us know how you are going.

Angel.

Hi Angel,

Thank you for the message...it helps to have someone whom can relate very much to how I am feeling.

So far I am taking each day as it comes....
Some days I'm fine/others I'm a blubbering mess.

Is it normal to constantly remind myself of how long it's been
since I lost our baby? I know that I'm torturing myself.

But I can't help it. :(

Tammy

Oh Tammy, you poor thing. I wish I could make it all better for you! I remember all these feelings only too well and it's just horrid....

I think we all do things like remembering how long it has been since you lost your little one. I used to do that, and I'd also find myself thinking how far along I would have been......it's not very nice, but something I think we just instictively do somehow.

It's really important to grieve for the loss of your little one, even though grieving is such a hard thing to do. Have you thought about doing anything to remember your little angel by? Sometimes it can help to do these kinds of things (I know that it helped me). It's not something you have to do right now....just when you are up to it (and of course if you want to). I wrote a couple of poems and even wrote our first little one a letter explaining how I felt about things.....it took me several weeks to actually write the letter. I also bought a special little box to put these things in. I bought a special plant, and bought special christmas decorations for the christmas tree. These are just a few suggestions of course and I know that some other people have bought beautiful little angel pins with a special coloured birthstone in them.

It's really normal to feel fine one day and inconsolable the next...... it's not very nice when you feel so up and done, but in time, please know that things will become a little easier for you.

Hey Tammy,

What you are feeling is completely normal sweetie. I did that as well, with my first m/c every week up until my EDD I would think 'I should be X weeks this week'. As soon as you find out your are pg your baby starts to become a huge part of your life, hopes, and dreams. It's only natural to think about what should have been. Something that gives me some comfort is the belief that my angel babies are still with me in spirit.

Like Tootie, I did some things to help me work through my grief and to memorialise my little angels. After my 1st m/c I started a journal where I wrote down all of my feelings and stuck in the cards we got from friends. I got a nice box and put the journal and all of the little pg keep sakes in it. I did that for my 2nd m/c as well. My DH and I made a special little rock garden in our yard for our angel babies and quite often I go out there and put flowers on it. I find that it gives me some peace, especially on the more difficult days, to be able to have a physical place to go to and remember our babies. We also bought each of our angels a christmas decoration to go on the tree, and a couple of candles and small statues that sit on a shelf in our lounge room. I hope you are able to find something in these suggestions that might help you.

Take care.

Angel.

Hi,

A BIG Thanks to everyone whom has recently posted replys -
It is comforting to know that I've got a HUGE amount of support.

I can't express enough just how much it means to me...

Your kindness & encouragement is truly amazing, especially
as you all have had the misfortunte of experiencing a m/c.

I look forward to staying in contact, and wish you well.

Hugs,

Tammy :)

Dear Tammy,

I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage last week. I was 12 weeks along and had just told all the family.

My pregnancy was also unplanned but definately wanted. I think the worst part was that the scan showed it had stopped developing around six weeks, I just didn't start to miscarry until later. I had the week off work and everyone has been great but I don't think there is anything anyone can say to make you feel better. One of my worst feelings is that I was letting everyone down because all the grandparents were over the moon.

My doctor said physicyall everything is fine and it's just one of those things that happens - apprently the odds for my age group are 1 in 5.

At the moment my worst fear is this will happen again - thinking everything is OK when really it was all over around the same time I found out.

Right now I am just reminding myself of the large number of women I know that have miscarried and now have healthy babies.

I hope you start to feel better

Beck

Dear Tammy and Beck;

Thank you for sharing your stories with us. It reminded me of how hard it is to go through the physical side of things.

Feel free to vent whenever you need to. I found these girls to be a wonderful support network, because they've all been through the trauma of a m/c.

The emotional side is very difficult for those who haven't been through it. I know that most of my mother's friends, and a lot of my friends who haven't experienced m/c, were saying to me "just get over it". Which is so insensitive, it often made me feel worse.

One of the most important things (IMHO) is to be able to talk about how you feel, whenever you need to do so. And whether that is talking to someone in person, or chatting here, doesn't matter. It all helps.

I remember crying for days on end, and couldn't handle friends who were pg, and having a lot of trouble dealing with my son. It was a tough time, but with the support of friends and some family, we got through it.

We're all here if you need help or support.

Best wishes.

Oh Beck, I am so sorry to hear your news! My first m/c was a missed m/c too. We found out when I was 10.5w that our little one had died at 8.5w. It's devastating and really no words can properly describe it.....

What Divvy said is absolutely right...it is really important to talk about your feelings and BB is a great place for that. I hope that you will come and share your feelings with us when you're ready so that we can try and help you through this tough time.

Thinking of you....

Beck, big *hugs* to you. I am sorry to hear of your recent m/c. Missed m/c's are awful aren't they. My 1st m/c was a missed m/c (bubs died at 11-12wks, we found out at 16wks). Hopefully with your next pg your doctor will monitor you a bit more closely so that it gives you a bit of added reassurance.

Take care.

Angel.

Tammy & Beck,

I just wanted to say hi and send a big hug to both of you. I know that you are both going through such a devastating time at the moment and my thoughts are with you.

Please come back and chat at any time, about any thing. We would love to help you through.

Take care,

Hi Becc,

Thank you for the message...its overwhelming how much support & well wishes have come my way since I first posted on here.

I'm alittle unsure exactly how to use this site, but I've managed so far.
Sorry to hear of your mc - I wasn't that far behind you it seems...

Take Care, and I look forward to corresponding with you again.

Hey Tammy,

It was good to hear from you again. I hope that you feel comfortable here with us :)

Once you get the hang of the site, it's very easy to use. If you have any specific questions or need help with anything, just ask. I will answer any questions that I can as will all the other girls, I'm sure.

Well, I hope you have had a good day. Talk to you again soon!

Hi Becc,

Thanks for the reply...the girls here have been wonderful.
Seems everyone I meet have wonderful sentiments to say, &
are keen to stay in contact.

So...can you give a girl some pointers on what things mean in
here - like DH? I can only assume it means spouse/hubby etc.

Also any other abbreviations I should be up on... :)

Take Care

Hi again Tammy,

Yep, you are right.....DH = Dear Husband. You might have also seen DP (Dear Partner), DB (Dear Boyfriend), DS (Dear Son) & DD (Dear Daughter).

There are a lot of abbreviations that are used on the site. There is actually a forum that you can find on the main page that is quite helpful for working it all out. The forum is called "Messages for BellyBelly / Moderators & Forum Jargon". Once you click on the forum, you will see a thread at the top of the page called "Some acronyms to get you started".

To make it easier, I will try to create a link to the thread here....

Click here for abbreviations

HTH (Hope this helps!!!) :D