Tonight I've helped many women attached their babies to their breast, I've changed dirty bottoms, I wrapped littles ones up warm and tight and I've snuggled with a little boy with the softest skin I've ever touched.
It hurts my heart so much that I'm not going to get any of that now.
The ache never goes away....no matter how much time passes.
Sara I am so sorry your going through this. Is there any chance you can have a break from the place? When I lost my 3rd pregnancy which then caused fertility problems over 2years I resigned from my permanent position (as a midwife) got a job as an RN at another hospital. 3months later I started working back as a midwife in my old job but casual. The first shift back I cried walking into the place and frequently hide out in the pan room or toilet having a melt down but over time it did get easier. Now I have had another baby things are much easier but occassionally I still find myself having a melt down due to various triggers.
Sara, I feel that ache every single day as I drop off my little boy to school. There are so many mothers who are pg or with newborns and all I can do is turn my head and look the other way as I secretly wipe away the tears. I could only imagine how hard your job must be for you now.
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