I should be past this. I have a beautiful growing baby inside me but I just can't get organised to get out the door and visit my friend and her newborn.

I lost four angels last year and each one broke my heart. I've past two due dates so far with another two to go. Sitting on pregnancy No. 10 I am so incredibly grateful that I am where I am, I know how lucky I am, so what is wrong with me that I can't acknowledge these days as they pass but not have them cripple me?